Tawdry quirk curators
// September 29th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // kid quotes, parenting, preschoolers
“Look, Mom! I found two balls in here.”
“Why don’t you build something with your Legos?”
“I want to get these out.”
“Those don’t come out. Now stop doing that before you break something.”
“I’m gonna pee them out.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t.”
// September 29th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // people
Two teenagers in the band parking lot took turns juggling three, small, tri-colored balls. Their juggling tools were so new that they smelled like fresh paint. I rolled down the car window and offered them a set of clubs so that they wouldn’t need to take turns. They mumbled that they didn’t know what to do with clubs and moved. They moved far, far away from the crazy old woman with juggling clubs in her van.
// September 28th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // television
Monday nights at 8 pm, I am still tucking children into bed and getting things ready for the next morning. Sometime between 9 and 10 pm, I settle in for an hour of recorded television. Every Monday, it comes down to a choice between House and Heroes.
Heroes is fluffy fun and I should be able to turn off my brain and escape while watching it. Instead, an irritating plot choice they made last season is going to be one of the main driving forces of this season and it keeps distracting me. There is no way to move beyond this point without something as ridiculous as ‘Pam dreamed it’. Heroes is capable of making common comic book themes look clever and making villains likable. They don’t seem capable of consistency.
House started off this season with a beautiful episode that secretly revealed that old sitcom sidekicks end up in psychiatric hospitals. It also sets the stage for the bi-annual House goes off and back on his meds season. Everyone ignores the lack of personal growth in the characters because they are so interesting to watch. No matter how darkly comic House is, eventually real life tragedies that prove there are no all-knowing medical detectives coming to the rescue will send viewers elsewhere.
I like both House and Heroes, but I secretly wish that SyFy would take ownership of Heroes and Dr. House would experience enough happiness to end the show.
// September 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // aspergers, preschoolers, school, teenagers
I gave Tommy some suggestions on making his politics paper’s topic more substantial. He went to his grandfather’s and they “discussed” the paper. Tommy called me and whined for an hour that he can’t write a paper without offending someone. I told him that it doesn’t matter what his topic is as long as he has some good stats to back up his argument. I even offered to get his Uncle in on a conference call so that he could hear opposing arguments and make his own choices. Progress made trying to convince Tommy to take a chance and write something = zero.
Noah‘s baby came home on a Friday and it was what people politely call a colicky baby. If you put the doll down, it cried. Noah held the doll constantly. The only time he couldn’t immediately care for the doll was the time his little brother ran all over the house, just out of reach, with the doll’s diaper clutched tightly in his hands. “Mooom, Evan won’t give me the diaper.” Sometime around midnight, Noah fell asleep and so did the doll. The doll never woke. We tried charging the doll, but still, nothing. I wondered if the school was viciously sending home SIDS dolls, but suspected that the doll had been programmed incorrectly. Monday the teacher confirmed that all of the dolls had been mis-programmed. Didn’t we learn anything from Westworld?
Evan came home from preschool with a fever today. I would buy him a pair of pink lace panties if it would make him feel better.
// September 23rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Doug, marriage, me
Me: “The cat has a chipmunk in her mouth.”
Doug: “What?”
Me: “The cat has a chipmunk in her mouth.”
Doug: “Where?”
Me: “In the front yard.”
Doug: “Why is Tommy chasing the cat?”
Me: “He’s trying to get her to drop the chipmunk.”
Doug walks outside and I go in the bathroom to scrape toothpaste off the bathroom mirror.
Five minutes later, Doug sends a text message to my cell phone:
“The cat is hunting a chipmunk.”
// September 22nd, 2009 // No Comments » // clothing, parenting, preschoolers
I am writing this from ten years in the past, when Evan was only four. If future me is having a chat about Evan with his therapist or arresting officer, this date might be important. This is the date when I, err you, found all of Evan’s sisters’ underwear stashed on Evan’s little, crib-sized bed. If it was only the 7-y-o’s underwear, I would justify this behavior as proof that girls’ underwear is better, because it has all-over designs, while boys’ underwear only has a design on the back. Alas, the 16-y-o’s underwear were being claimed by Evan as well and big girl undies do not have cute cartoon characters.
If Doug’s, “That’s my boy” reaction turns out to be the explanation for the underwear collecting, future me is probably trying to explain to the police officer why my youngest son is a serial panty snatcher. On the other hand, future me might be explaining Doug’s reaction to Evan’s therapist and we may be looking for a cross-dressing support group for Doug and Evan. Either way, future me deserves a Grande Mocha and an hour alone in a quiet coffee shop. Future me might want to buy a lock for her underwear drawer on the way home from her coffee break.
Love,
Me
// September 20th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // life, newspapers, parenting
I dug the last of the silver colored coins from the change jar to buy a Sunday paper. Tommy and his friend handed me the paper and I sat down to sort the paper into the order I like to read it. The editorial section went at the top of the pile and the coupons that are my excuse for buying the paper, were saved for last. The sports section went directly to the recycling bin. Something was missing from my pile of newsprint. There was no comics section.
“Tommy? I think you bought a paper without a comics section.”
“It had a comics section, but I pulled it out to read it.”
“Okay. I’d like it back when you’re done.”
I made my way through the news and got up to get the scissors for coupon clipping.
“Tommy? Aren’t you finished with the comics yet?”
“I finished a long time ago. Somebody else must have them now.”
“Noah? Do you have the comics?”
“I did, but I don’t now.”
“Amy? Do you have the comics?”
“Sarah took them from me.”
I looked at the tiny, chopped up scraps of colorful newsprint all over Sarah’s desk and floor. Sigh. No Sunday comics for me. I expect something funnier than the same, tired knock-knock joke from the children this week.
“Knock-knock!”
“Who’s there?”
<- insert anything here ->
“_____ who?”
“On your head! Bwa-ha-ha!”
// September 19th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // parenting, politics
Tommy is taking a political science class this semester. I have avoided discussing the class with him, because he needs to learn concepts instead of opinions. That was a mistake. Today, he made a post on his blog that is really a cry for help with his first politics paper. Here is an excerpt: “The reason that the south always votes republican goes back to the period of Reconstruction after the Civil War. It was LBJ who signed the Civil Rights bill. He was a republican himself, and since then, the republicans have pretty much always had the black vote. The white vote is generally republican, mostly because Southerners tend to vote the way their parents vote, which is almost always republican.”
After I removed my jaw from the keyboard, I asked Tommy the source of his information. He “just knows” that it is true. There’s only one person who has been discussing politics with Tommy this semester. Politically, that person is the polar opposite of me. I think it’s safe for me to discuss politics with Tommy now.
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