Archive for March, 2010

dramatic pauses included

// March 24th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // clothing, kid quotes, preschoolers

The 4-y-o dressed himself in his favorite jeans and his favorite shirt. He went through a series of odd poses as he studied the clothing on his tiny frame. “Mom?” “What?” “I . . . look . . . awesome.” “Yes, you do.” “I . . . am a cool dude.”

We have entered the beautiful season when the siren song of the outdoors has the young and old wandering about in a dreamy haze. Because I’m a mean mom who won’t allow the 7-year-old to wear summer clothes to school yet, Amy races inside after school and changes into last year’s too small shorts and tees as though long sleeves are suffocating her. She emerges from her cocoon of well fitting winter clothes chirping cheerfully. “Evan! How can you stand to wear long sleeves and long pants? Want me to bring you better clothes?” “No.” “But, you look hot.” “No. I . . . look . . . awesome.”

Every household needs a mini Shatner.

School Board meeting (Twitter explanations)

// March 22nd, 2010 // 3 Comments » // school

As I’ve mentioned before, I like going to School Board meetings. Last week, I went and Twittered the meeting, but that left half a dozen things in need of explanations.

First, Tennessee was represented at the Race to the Top final interviews by only ONE Superintendent from the entire state, Dr. McIntyre. That speaks volumes about the quality of our Super and we should be very proud of him. I will revisit that point at the end of this post.

Second, the pension conversation was horrible. Why can’t you stop paying the promised pension to the retired teachers who depend on it to live? Because you are contractually obligated and saying that the seniors should just tighten their belts was ridiculous. Asking how long before they would die and release you of the obligation was brutal and you deserved the cold responses you got from the firm handling the pension. That said, a financial investment firm who says “If it makes you feel any better, ALL of our clients are having to invest extra cash this year,” are not doing a good job of promoting their firm. The next time Knox County needs an investment firm, they won’t be calling you.

Third, one ream of paper is 500 sheets and costs less than four dollars when purchased in bulk. Your handouts are what, a dozen pages? Since you haven’t spent enough time on the school’s website to learn that absolutely everything is available there, perhaps you should stick to the printed notes and not worry about that few dollars of paper per month. After you learn to use the laptop and take notes on it, then we’ll revisit this subject. Maybe you can take a class on using the computer & KCS site with the board member who doesn’t know to turn off the sound before visiting websites completely unrelated to the meeting that you are being paid to attend.

Fourth, a huge thank you to the board member who is paying attention to the community members who are begging the schools to explain how fees are spent. That money is used for supplies and events, but people don’t realize how much it is needed. Tell parents exactly what students are learning when they visit a museum, but also tell how much it costs just to put the students on a bus. Explain how expensive it is to purchase and maintain musical instruments, but clarify why the benefits are much greater than the costs.

Fifth, after about two hours of the meeting, my mind drifted. The room was a billion degrees and I was hungry. It took less than three minutes to fill out my census paperwork and my family is probably twice the size of yours. Fill out your form and mail it.

Finally, the post script to the meeting that happens after the reporters have fled the room is a community forum. This evening’s forum was all about the consequences of the budget. There were appeals from the teachers’ union and the school losing the most teachers to rethink cutting out the most important learning tool, teachers. Then, there were two former students and a co-worker praising a teacher who is not just losing his job, but his entire department. Most importantly, that very teacher spoke for himself, his program and his students. It was heart wrenching and left me feeling like I had been run over by a train. Go to the very end of the video (183:35) and watch this teacher speak. After the camera stopped rolling, the Superintendent got up from his seat at the table and walked directly to this teacher. I repeat what I said earlier. Be very proud of the man who is in charge of Knox County Schools. It doesn’t matter if he agrees or disagrees with everything that you believe. He is sincerely trying to do the right thing.

dog v. cat

// March 22nd, 2010 // 1 Comment » // pets

When the dogs are hungry, they bring me the bowl and bump my hands until I fill the bowl.
When the cat is hungry, she pees in the laundry.

After I feed the dogs, they wag and give slobbery kisses.
After I feed the cat, she vanishes for hours.

Call the dogs and they appear before me.
Call the cat and the dogs appear before me.

Pet a dog and they roll over for more.
Pet a cat and they hiss. Or they purr. Or both.

bad foreplay

// March 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Doug, marriage, me

In no particular order and requiring no explanations, five actions that warrant the bad foreplay card:
1. punching partner in the face
2. noxious gas from any orifice
3. “I like this one best, because it’s bigger.”
4. “One of the animals threw up in the other room, but we’ll clean it up afterwards.”
5. “I’m sorry. I drifted off for a few minutes.”

Surprisingly, this post does not fall on the list.

middle-aged Saturday

// March 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Doug, me

Him: “What do you want to do today?”
Her: “We could work in the garage or we could start thinning out the junk in our closet. After that, Evan needs new shoes.”
Him: “I was thinking it’s a good day to plant grass in the yard. We have some spots that are full sun and some that are complete shade, so I’d like to compare the different varieties of seed at Home Depot and Ernie’s and . . . <- At this point in the conversation, my mind started composing our conversation into a blog post, but I was subconsciously following the key words enough to know that the topic didn’t change. -> . . . get seed out before tomorrow’s rain.”
Her: “Okay.”
Him: “Okay what?”
Her: “You hunt for grass seed while I play on the computer.”

Twitterings

// March 19th, 2010 // No Comments » // blogging, school

Until I have the time to sit and write, last night’s Twitters:

* Uggs and shorts at Pilot on Cumberland. #spring about 16 hours ago
* Blazer, cut-offs and flip-flops on campus. #spring about 16 hours ago
* This room is filled with middle-aged women and the temperature is about 80F. about 15 hours ago
* Knox County represented at DC Race to the Top presentations by Dr. McIntyre. No other TN Supers there. about 15 hours ago
* Great Schools Partnership changing name to reflect that they are a private foundation. Board asking why he believes he can raise $. about 15 hours ago
* This conversation about teachers’ pensions is cold. Almost brutal. about 14 hours ago
* When one specific board member speaks, my eye twitch starts up again. about 14 hours ago
* Love the board member who thinks one ream of paper a month is going to make a difference in the budget. about 14 hours ago
* Gah! Why don’t you explain how the fees are used so that parents pay them? about 14 hours ago
* All the teachers in here are shaking their heads in disagreement with this budget discussion. Were they excluded from the planning? about 14 hours ago
* Was he allowed to attend his child’s high school orientation or did he just hear about it second hand? about 14 hours ago
* Got bored. Filled out my census form. Same person still talking. about 13 hours ago
* No new textbooks this year. Maintenance being cut. Teachers being cut. They “hope” they won’t have to cut central office staff. about 13 hours ago
* Yes! Karen Carson gets it! Tell how money is used. about 13 hours ago
* Trustees and 3 million dollar fee topic of extensive complaint. about 13 hours ago
* Please stop grandstanding and let the meeting finish. about 13 hours ago
* I just sent an e-mail to the person sitting beside me. #easilyamused about 13 hours ago
* The a/c just clicked on. I’m guessing that is to wake everyone. about 12 hours ago
* I’m going to steal @lolaalapo’s cooler full of food. about 12 hours ago
* I’m hungry and we are talking about the results of the 2010 census. Please move forward. about 12 hours ago
* Schools should take turns running a refreshment table in the hall during these meetings. about 12 hours ago
* If they interrupt Mr. Milligan, there will be a riot in this room. about 12 hours ago
* After 3 1/2 hours of School Board budget meeting, the 13-y-o informed me that he has a birthday party immediately after school tomorrow. about 11 hours ago

leaving them to starve

// March 18th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // food, teenagers

As a rule, I try to always be at *home on school nights and be a part of the evening routines. As frantic as the evenings are, I can’t imagine not getting to tuck my children in bed at night. It’s probably much more important to me than it is to them. Don’t tell the children I still peek at them while they are sleeping every night. Tonight, I am making a rare exception and attending a meeting. Instead of preparing a healthy meal before I leave, since I really hate cooking, I’m leaving two boxes of organic mac ‘n cheese for the babysitter (aka the 16-y-o) to prepare. The question is, will she-who-shuns-organic prepare the mac ‘n cheese or will the children forage the fridge for crusty leftovers? Place your bets now.

*Why, oh, why can’t the social media folks have their gatherings on the weekends?

domestic detective

// March 16th, 2010 // No Comments » // home, parenting

“What is this goo in your hair?”
“Who put a booger here?”
“Where is that smell coming from?”
“When did this get left on the counter?”
Why is that in the bathtub?”
“Which animal threw up?”

If I am going to spend all my time at the schools, maybe they will let me take some of their chemistry and forensic classes to solve the daily mysteries.

lost in translation

// March 14th, 2010 // No Comments » // people, teenagers, television

When the familiar name and face took the stage in the intimate auditorium, I felt a rush of fan-girl adrenalin. I clicked to his IMDB profile and tried to silently explain the significance of the speaker to the 13-y-o. The 13-y-o looked blankly at the credits that meant nothing to him. I clicked to the celebrity’s Wiki page. The 13-y-o was visibly confused. Half the adults in the audience spent the next fifteen minutes trying to get a picture of the speaker. When he left the stage, a few brave souls shook his hand and tried to glean more words from the man whose life experiences make him a Superhero to middle-aged hippies. I nudged the 13-y-o outside to talk about the significance of the speaker.

Have you ever tried explaining a television celebrity to a child who only watches TV on the DVR or DVD? “The whole family would watch him every Sunday night.” “Why?” Doug and I spontaneously sang the commercial for the show’s sponsor. The 13-y-o looked at us like we were in need of medication. “He did it before all the guys on The Discovery Channel.” “I thought that guy died.” We attempted to describe a world without Internet, where other countries might as well have been other planets. “Seeing things that you had only read about felt magical.” “Didn’t books have pictures back then?” We tried to explain philanthropy. “So, the guy who was talking has lots of money?” “No. He has no money. He gives his time and talents.” “What?”

Eventually, we thought that the 13-y-o had a vague idea who the evening’s speaker was, even if he didn’t understand why we were so enamored of the man who looks like a movie star, but lives like a monk. “Tell your grandparents who you heard speak tonight.” “Oh, uh, I saw some guy named Stan who used to wrestle alligators and now he flies planes.”

big attitude

// March 11th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // flickr, school

What do you do if you are the smallest second grader in the school? You lean left and right to be seen. You stand on tiptoes. You grin, make silly faces and wave at the audience. You mouthe the words when someone else is speaking. You make big, exaggerated movements with your arms and face. Most of all, you never miss a chance to sing directly into the microphone. Amy may not stand tall, but she carries a big attitude.
ham it up

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