Nurse: “What grade will you be in next year?” Noah: “Tenth.” Me: “You’ve only been in school a week. I think she wants to know about THIS year’s grade.” Noah: “She asked about NEXT year.” Noah: “Dad? Mom just texted me asking where we are.” Doug: “So tell her.” Noah: “What do I tell her?” […]
Many years ago, I took my oldest daughter for her yearly checkup at the pediatrician. Harmless questions about diet, exercise and television were followed by a question about puberty, I answer her that for fitness I exercise everyday and use a waist training underbust corset to help with my weight. In response to the answer, […]
Me: “Evan? What are you doing?” Evan: “I’m just playing.” Me: “Playing what?” Evan: “I have to stack these toys using chopsticks instead of fingers.” Me: “Keep playing.”
Me: “Kill the wabbit. Kill the wabbit.” Noah: “Why are you singing about dead rabbits?” Me: “I’m just singing Elmer Fudd’s song.” Noah: “Who’s Elmer Fudd?”
“We’re here for a football game.” “I see popcorn! Can we get popcorn instead of football?” “The band is going to play music and then the football players will run on the field.” “Are the footballers still eating their popcorn?” “Why is that lady eating peanuts when there’s popcorn?” “The band is going to sit […]
“He’s happier than a snake after a shed.” “She’s poocrastinating until the rain stops.” “We have yellow jackets. Find the corpse.”
It is school picture time again. Freshmen pictures had to be pre-ordered and paid for sight unseen. Unbeknown to me, the high school freshman made a last minute change to his wardrobe and chose the same color shirt as the color I specified for a background. His picture will look like a weatherman in a […]
Dear Cathy, I am not a desk, filing cabinet or crayon box. I am not a bathroom drawer or medicine cabinet. I am not a camera bag, computer bag, book bag or Kindle case. I am not a toy box. You are asking too much of me. I can only take so much abuse before […]
Aspie Caveman went to see Scott Pilgrim vs the World and offers the following review. “It was really fun. If you don’t play video games, you won’t get it.” My get off my lawn response. “You whippersnappers hadn’t even heard of Scott Pilgrim until they decided to make it a movie. Back in my day, […]