This article is exactly why I don’t read your (choose one) liberal/conservative newspaper. The author of this article is a hack who must have been paid off by politicians to write such tripe. Shoving this boondoggle down our throats is a waste of my hard earned tax dollars. (choose one) Republicans/Democrats love spending my money […]
Doug: “Look at all these updates for your ___! When’s the last time you updated?” Me: “I did a backup and update yesterday. Those patches appeared overnight.” Doug: “Oh. Never mind.” We repeat this conversation weekly.
Flowers, Ants in the bathroom, Open windows, Sneezing, Short sleeves, Daily gifts from outside cat, Dogs digging up buried cat gifts, Dog vomit, Children who must be water hosed BEFORE their baths, Saturdays on Market Square, Rain and an inexplicable emotional blend of calm, satisfaction, hope and urgency.
Me: “We are here to buy your friend a birthday gift. We are not shopping for Evan today.” Evan: “Okay.” Me: “How about this? Would your friend like this?” Evan: “That one is better.” Me: “Then we will get it for your friend.” Evan: “Nooooo. That’s for me.” Me: “What are we going to get […]
Last week at a Boy Scout meeting – “Is that an iPad 2?” “No, but…” “Ew.” Seriously? Up until the person at scouts who was so horrified by my old geezer iPad that he had to “ew” and walk away, people have always been eager to discuss their favorite apps or ask for reasons they […]
Not even during my pregnancies, did I ever wear granny panties. With that nearly tma disclaimer out of the way, I sometimes think that the evil accounting person who budgeted less fabric for Victoria’s Secret underwear has conspired with their marketing department to pull the greatest advertising trick of all time. They have billions of […]
When I was a child, my parents had a car that would die at red lights. Before the light turned green, my mother had to jump out of the car, pop the hood and do something under the hood to restart the car. I didn’t think there was anything odd about this. As far as […]
Doug is the only person in the room, but he is clearly having an animated conversation with someone. Is he, A. Making a video B. Talking to someone IRL via bluetooth C. Talking to the code on the screen D. Communicating with the voices in his head
As a child, we were not allowed to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. My father’s speech sounded something like, “That is not a Christian holiday and as Americans, we don’t support the IRA mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah.” All I heard was, “You’re gonna get pinched.” I should make a big deal about St. Patrick’s Day just to […]
Me: “It’s starting to sprinkle. Please get the croquet set out of the street, the yard and the neighbor’s yard.” Evan: “Amy got it out.” Me: “Amy! Go clean up the croquet set before the rain gets here.” Amy: “Do I get paid to do it?” Me: “No.” Amy: “Ooooookay.” Five minutes later – Amy: […]