Domestic Psychology

Leap Day 2012

// February 29th, 2012 // No Comments » // flickr, holidays

Why do you scout?

// February 22nd, 2012 // 6 Comments » // children, scouts

Because I am a liberal who respects science and believes relationships should be based on love instead of anatomy, I am frequently asked why my family participates in Boy Scouts. The short answer is that Boy Scouting is a scout centric program.

When my sons first expressed an interest in Boy Scouts, I was concerned. I didn’t want them being taught to hate people. As soon as I met the Scout leader, I knew that despite the homophobic hate that comes from adults in administration, what happens on the troop level is nothing short of wonderful. Every scout is guided toward self confidence as they discover how capable they are. There is no time for politics when everyone is working together to climb a mountain.

Scouts learn courage and strength by doing the things that technology can’t do for them. They crawl in tiny caves, cross fast moving water and use fire as a tool. In the beginning of their scouting career, scouts lean on others. In the blink of an eye, those same scouts become leaders. When your focus is lifting each other up, there is no dragging each other down.

While it is possible that our Boy Scout troop’s attitude of working together to be your best is the exception, I suspect that it is the norm. The other scout families that we have met have been more like us than different from us. We all want to raise confident children who know how to work as a team to be a success. Deep down inside, we know that our children are learning to be better people than their parents AND the scout admins who have time to waste on social issues.

Entertaining myself. And others.

// February 14th, 2012 // 3 Comments » // Doug, scouts

I like holidays. They are picnics on the journey of life. Some picnics are full of fun. Other picnics are reflective. Every so often, a bear steals your basket of food and the picnic is just something you’re happy to survive. Valentine’s Day is a quick snack and toss the frisbee picnic.

I walked in the Boy Scout merchandise store with one goal in mind, Doug’s gift for Valentine’s Day. As I usually do, I meandered and picked out more than I intended. When I arrived at the register, I plopped my pile of olive colored items on the counter. Unlike most stores that silently ring your purchases, the Boy Scout store employees try to be helpful and make sure that you are getting the right equipment.

“Ohhh honey, these are the knee socks. You want the crew socks instead.”
“No. I came in to buy the knee socks. The other stuff is impulse.”
“You want the knee socks for your husband?”
“I have always told him how much I think that grown men in shorts and knee socks is dorky. I also told him that if he went off the deep end with scouting, he would have to wear the dork socks. Well, he has crossed over to the dark side. He has three different scout meetings this week and camping or activities absolutely every weekend.”
“Oh, he crossed to the dark side and set up camp there. Knee socks it is.”

Elementary school homework

// February 13th, 2012 // No Comments » // crafts, parenting

Me: “I stapled my thumb and broke two fingernails, but I think Amy’s project is done now. How’s Evan’s project?”
Doug: “I electrocuted myself.”
Me: “You win.”

Deserving of a side eye

// February 8th, 2012 // No Comments » // kid quotes, marriage

Doug: “Do you want to go out for Valentine’s Day? You know, like an actual date?”
Me: “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it.”
Noah: “That’s good because, Dad and I scheduled a Boy Scout meeting for that night.”

Aspie copycat

// February 6th, 2012 // No Comments » // aspergers, relatives

Children on the spectrum are brilliant imitators of the people around them. It’s a technique that helps them fill in the blind spots caused by Autism. It’s also one of the best reasons for mainstreaming with their NT peers.

Aspie Caveman has always had a very close relationship with his grandfather. When Tommy was very young and unable to cope with the sensory assault from his environment, his grandfather acted as some sort of constant to help reduce and recover from the meltdowns. As he matured and developed coping skills, Tommy and his grandfather became the very best of friends. After his grandfather’s CABG surgery, it became glaringly obvious that the child with Aspergers understood his grandfather as well as his grandfather understood him.

I’m not sure how long the transition has been taking place, but Aspie Caveman has now taken on the affect of his grandfather. They have the same mannerisms, expressions and physical movements. They use language the same. I may be able to replicate my father’s penmanship, but Tommy reflects the man who he is named after in every other way. My father would never spend half an hour describing the minutia of a game, but when Tommy does it, I see and hear my father. It always makes me smile.

I know with my head that the mimicry is a coping skill. In my heart, I see it as a gift.

Wislawa Szymborska

// February 1st, 2012 // No Comments » // life, politics

Children of Our Era
by Wislawa Szymborska
translated by Joanna Trzeciak

We are children of our era;
our era is political.

All affairs, day and night,
yours, ours, theirs,
are political affairs.

Like it or not,
your genes have a political past,
your skin a political cast,
your eyes a political aspect.

What you say has a resonance;
what you are silent about is telling.
Either way, it’s political.

Even when you head for the hills
you’re taking political steps
on political ground.

Even apolitical poems are political,
and above us shines the moon,
by now no longer lunar.
To be or not to be, that is the question.
Question? What question? Dear, here’s a suggestion:
a political question.

You don’t even have to be a human being
to gain political significance.
Crude oil will do,
or concentrated feed, or any raw material.

Or even a conference table whose shape
was disputed for months:
should we negotiate life and death
at a round table or a square one?

Meanwhile people were dying,
animals perishing,
houses burning,
and fields growing wild,
just as in times most remote
and less political.