I left town for one weekend and returned to a lawn as tall as my waist, every dish in the house dirty, a dead dryer, an attitudinal SuperTween and a heartbroken Sawyer because, “Mommies are supposed to be at home.” I’m not sure if I should travel more often or less often.
A TN housewife with an expensive caffeine habit was brought in for questioning after TSA found the woman driving aimlessly on an airport runway. The woman insisted that there HAD to be a real coffee shop nearby. Charges will be filed based on the results of her psych evaluation.
Despite the certainty that I will only wear one pair, I packed five pairs of shoes in my rarely used suitcase and took to the road in a rental car. I started out cautiously fidgeting with the many, many buttons and knobs in the temporary vehicle. In no time at all, I was singing loudly […]
It’s been a few years since I left you to solo parent, so here are a few things to remember while I’m away for the weekend. Boogie wipes are not an acceptable alternative to bathing. The children require food more than once a day. If SuperTween’s outfit causes you to raise an eyebrow, make her […]
Day one: “I think I will grow out my bangs.” Day five: “My hair feels like it is attacking my eyes, but it will look great in a few days.” Day ten: “It looks like I have Tribbles on my head. I need a hair appointment.” Day fifteen: “Where are my scissors? I’m cutting my […]
Once upon a time, first aid kits included snake venom extractors. StacheMan was in high school when he learned what they do. Professor Teen learned about venom extractors in middle school. Snake venom extractors are now passé. Professionals discourage the usage of the suction devices. Sawyer will probably never know that such devices exist. That’s […]
After watching the psychological whirlpool that the Watertown hostages experienced with courage, confidence and determination to overcome, my children are no longer allowed to whine about safety check lockdowns being bo-o-oring.
Sawyer: “I need a Tilley and walking sticks for tomorrow’s field trip.” SuperTween: “Dad’s not going to let you have his hat and the school isn’t going to let you bring sticks. Besides, school hikes aren’t real hikes.”
“Hello? Do you rent animals? Only for parties? Okay. Let’s call it an all week, no guest party. I need a hungry anteater. Do you have a house broken anteater? Oh, that’s okay. I’ll only need one anteater then. Do you have any de-glanded skunks? Great! I would like two, please. How about bats? Bummer. […]
It’s time for my annual declaration that this is the spring we are going to put up a clothesline. Our current dryer takes 2-4 times longer than our washing machine AND our dryer is too small for most quilts and sleeping bags. In a few weeks, I will make my annual declaration that there is […]