disconnected

Day one: Wave goodbye at the airport. Go to a movie. Take a nap. Read for several hours. Day two: Check email repeatedly. Day three: Follow chaperoning teachers on social media. Scour Instagram and Snapchat posts by strangers. Day four: Search for sightings on live webcams. Day five: Pace house. Whine. Search for excuse to […]

Blade Runner 2049

I loved it. That was my feeling walking out of the theater and it remains my feeling after a night of Blade Runner flavored dreams. Blade Runner 2049 is worth the expense of movie tickets and *concessions. Blade Runner’s greatest strength is sensory nostalgia. It takes the grainy memories of the first movie and explodes […]

mornings + adolescence = misery

“Today was the worst day EVER. I was running late to the bus when I tried to use my pockets and figured out my pants were on backwards. I ran back home as fast as I could to fix them, but my shoelaces were a big knot and I couldn’t get them untied. I ran […]

not a camper

The husband loves to camp. The children love to camp. I hate camping. I will shop for camping supplies and gather campfire cooking ingredients. I will pack with ziplocs for waterproofing and gather gear for unexpected weather. I will unpack, scrub and launder the day that campers return. I don’t camp. I don’t need camping […]

Best customer treatment

Between the husband’s keyboard building/collecting and the oldest child’s woodcraft hobby, the mail carrier totes packages to our door every week. Last week, the mail carrier told the youngest child that we are his best customer. The child and his father found that much funnier than I did. The youngest child expected his new school […]

you might be old if

“This is my favorite light setting. When I die in my sleep, change the setting to this so I look my best for the coroner.” “Yes, dear.” “Also, wipe the drool off my face before they get here to collect me.” “Whatever you say.” “Are you listening to me?” “Mmhmm. I’ll do that.”

weaponized pits

“Did you use deodorant?” “No, but last night I used enough to last all week.” “It really doesn’t work like that. You put deodorant on every morning like it’s your armour. Only instead of it protecting you, it saves the rest of the family from the stink bullets that shoot out of your armpits.” “Ewww. […]

playing with cameras

She: “Don’t step in front of the camera if you are going to run around the house like that.” Ten minutes later, child dancing in underwear has no memory of the camera conversation. She: “Don’t forget the camera.” He: “If I don’t care about open windows, why would I care about our cameras?” I can’t […]

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

The Guardians sequel is lighter and sillier than its’ predecessor. The cold, sharpness of the film’s antagonist is softened like metaphorical vaseline on a camera lens. Everyone on the screen seems to be having fun and that mood was reflected by the audience. Nobody exiting the theater was fruitlessly trying to explain to a companion […]