Since everyone, everywhere is on vacation, I think I’ll spend the long weekend visiting your empty homes. I’m going to take showers in your clean, functional bathrooms and relax in your air conditioned living rooms. I’m going to do all my laundry in your dryers that don’t have to run three cycles to dry one load. I’m going to let the children play on your mowed, landscaped lawns and nap on your soft, carpeted floors. No? Then we’ll just stay home and the children will eat popcorn and watch DVDs while I fold laundry before our evening firefly hunt. We’ll go see a small, safe fireworks display on Sunday night and cook hot dogs on the grill. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend everyone.

In my continued affort to expose my children to the classics, tonight we watched “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and they loooved it.

The speaker on sarah’s cell phone has been broken for several months, meaning she could hear the other caller, but they couldn’t hear her. Last week she explained how she communicates when she isn’t text messenging friends. “They ask me yes or no questions and I push a key once for yes and twice for no.” Doug got her phone fixed anyway.

I sat back in the dental chair, feeling the room sway along with my stomach and listening to my heart, beating as though it would burst from my chest, yet paralyzed and unable to run screaming from the room as I wished I could do. The dainty hygienist gently peeked inside my mouth with her tiny mirror and suddenly recoiled in horror, barely concealing her gagging. She stepped backwards twice before twirling and leaping across the room, disappearing behind a filing cabinet wall to the safety of another hygienist. Mumbled hysterics followed by silence as the room grew heavy with impending doom. Heavy footsteps walked purposefully toward me, increasingly loud until a new hygienist with eyes as cold as steel and fingers as large as sausages appeared, towering over my trapped, defenseless body. She gruffly told me to open up and continued scolding me to open wider as she ripped at my jaw with one hand while piercing my tender gums with unseen metal spears. Push, stab, pinch, pull and searing pain causing the tears to roll down my cheeks until a second face suddenly appeared over me. As I looked up into the nostrils of my tormenters with shiny, white fangs, they grinned mercilessly and stuck a camera into my mouth. A screen was abruptly placed in front of me so that they could show me the rotting, decayed remnants of my teeth, magnified so that it looked like a nightmare in my mouth. I tried closing my eyes, so they began describing the damage of childhood fillings that leaked, no longer fit and hid decay that even the extreme close-up didn’t show. Years of avoiding dental hell due to poverty and crippling fear had destroyed my teeth and gums and I found myself facing the reality that my mouth was too putrid to ever experience my husband’s wonderful, toe-curling kisses again. Never again will I smile without my lips tightly sealed together.

And that’s exactly what happened, more or less.
Well, maybe I don’t go until this afternoon, but that’s what it always feels like in my mind.

Dentophobia

I think she did great!

Although it’s entertaining and informative to read the reviews at your child’s school, it’s downright hysterical to go back and read the reviews of your old college professors.

Amy is nested in her bed right now.  “I’m resting until Gabriel gets here.”  Gabriel arrives late on Friday or early on Saturday.

Hit the road Jack and don’tcha come back no more, no more.

Worse than a full diaper pail.

People with more money than brains (or hearts).

Ummm, any use for small human urine?

I really like Kristyk’s quote today.

“The drops of rain make a hole in the stone, not by violence, but by often falling” Lucretius

I was also touched by Philip’s words.

“I cannot teach my children how to live if I stop living myself.”