I have to go hug my children now.

Starting tomorrow morning, I grow an additional arm to sell and deliver Girl Scout cookies. My annual offer to deliver cookies anywhere in Knoxville is once again extended to everyone in this area. This weekend’s cookie booth locations include West Town Mall, Kroger and Ben & Jerry’s. Guess which one I’m looking forward to the most?

For telling Sarah that she has “ugly cone-shaped breasts” compared to your “perfectly shaped breasts,” I hope that you get a giant pimple on your nose the day before school pictures.

Sarah’s Mom

Mom: “Amy! Why do you keep taking things away from your brother?”
Amy: “Because I want whatever he has.”

Sibling rivalry simplified.

A parenting style that you might think (mistakenly) is limited to California and communes, is the “child as parent” style of parenting. These parents believe that children innately know what they need and should therefore, be allowed to make all their own choices. These children eat whatever they want, whenever they want. Ice cream for breakfast? Sure. These children go to bed when they want and get up when they want. They also go to school only when they feel like it. These children are subconsciously taught that they are in charge and should always get their way. Their prospects for long-term relationships are exceedingly poor. With all parenting styles, there are very few parents that don’t fall into more than one style, with one or two being the main style and one or two being minor characteristics. “Child as parent” style parents are very often also “best friend” parents. “Best friend” parents don’t do anything, like discipline, that might affect their status as their child’s friend. They very often dress too young while allowing their child to dress much too maturely. Best friend parents are so worried about staying their child’s friend that they interfere with their child’s efforts to have relationships with peers. While “child as parent” parenting is rare and the long-term effects are easy to see, “best friend” parents are far too common and we have all seen the variety of consequences. From parents that engage in completely inappropriate behavior (alcohol, drugs, sex) with their child and their child’s peers, to young adults who are completely incapable of functioning with their same age peers.

Coming soon: All or none parenting, only child parenting and big family parenting.
Previously: Parenting styles part 1 & part 2

Have you seen the vehix.com commercial with the small child giggling joyfully from his carseat while the car goes through a car wash? It’s a lie, I tell you, a lie. Either they blue screened that car wash into the picture or they have that child so hopped up on cotton candy that he would fail a sobriety test. In real life that child would be shrieking in terror while the parents tried unsuccessfully to comfort, entertain and distract their traumatized child. Of course, I’m just speaking hypothetically. I would never do such a stupid thing.

Bury that poor woman next to her son already! Anyone who wants anything else doesn’t care enough about Anna to be relevant. What a bunch of hateful ghouls.

Via Blogging Baby I found underwear with condom pockets. Based on the other materials the company sells, it looks like it is marketed for young college students, but Blogging Baby suggests that “progressive” parents might want to buy these underwear for their teenagers. I consider myself to be a very open-minded parent, but I’m not buying these underwear for my teens. I do plenty of things to make conservative parents’ hair stand on end though. The sex talks begin when my children are tweens. The talks start off pretty generalized and get more specific over the years. With the onset of puberty comes a trip down the family planning aisle at the pharmacy. Yes, it embarrasses the teenagers when we do this. As I said to my children, if you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are too immature to have sex. Finally, we keep condoms in a very specific location in both bathrooms. The location has been pointed out to the teenagers multiple times along with the invitation to take the condom (no questions asked) if it is needed. No, I am not encouraging my teenagers to have sex. Just because the plumbing is in doesn’t mean the house is ready for tenants. However, I do recognize that humans are sexual beings from birth until death and think that abstinence only education and purity ball followers are in serious denial.

After months of asking, I finally have the paperwork leading to Tommy’s transition meeting. His teacher would like him to go half-days next year so that he can spend half of the day working for school credits (instead of pay). Okay, I can talk Tommy down from the no-pay thing if he enjoys his work. Let’s see what our options are for employment. Hmmm, looks like his options can pretty much be summed up in two categories: training to be a janitor or training to be a dishwasher. Are they kidding me? Do they think that every child with disabilities has a limited intellect? Is this what they offer students who are brilliant but limited only by wheels instead of legs? All those years of fighting schools, doctors, insurance, relatives and strangers were just a warm-up to prepare me for this battle. As soon as I finish pounding my head on the wall in frustration, I’ll dig my heels in and move forward. This time, I won’t feel like it is me against every one else. This time I’ll have Tommy standing right beside me. He has worked too hard and defied too many naysayers to be knocked down now.

Everyone has their own “get ready to go” routine. Sarah’s involves a lot of time in front of the mirror and a splash (or more) of some Bath & Body scent. Tommy’s involves gathering his stuff and spraying his armpits with the green label scent of Axe. Over the weekend, we loaded everyone into the car and headed off to a friend’s house. Tommy and Sarah immediately put on their headphones to avoid listening to anyone else. Unable to hear, they both started complaining in voices that could only be explained by iPods which were way too loud.
Sarah: “Tommy stinks. You should not buy him any more of that Axe stuff.”
Tommy: “Sarah stinks like perfume. I hate girls who smell like perfume.”

Do as I say, not as I do.