Yes, I’m weather blogging. Go ahead and report me to the blog police. Hot is the color of my world right now. No, color is wrong. Smell would be more accurate. I don’t care how good the deodorant claims to be, there is nothing strong enough for the constant 90 degree environment. Sarah and I have giant layers that we constantly reapply while Tommy just walks around with his “kilo” scented can, spraying it on himself every so often. He must visit this site when he’s not playing WoW. Also, “little black dress approved” labels are liars. I think our ancestors wandered the land searching for a place to settle based on their ability to tolerate bad odors. Southerners must have had a high threshold for smells. Northerners had to hold hankies over their noses, but they knew how to dress in layers. Procreation must have been treated like a necessary chore, because it looks like Doug and I are going to be really cranky until fall’s cooler temperatures arrive. “You wanna?” “No, too hot.” “Good, ’cause I am too.” I’m sure that lack of desire isn’t just comfort and unattractive body odors. I never thought I would miss the greasy, slimy stage makeup from college, but I really appreciate the memory of its’ benefits as my makeup slides off my face all too quickly after it is applied every day. I’m looking really pretty. I also feel really good about myself every day when I realize that I sit around doing nothing until the sun has set and the temperature dropped two or three degrees. Then, I start cleaning and realize it’s after 11 pm, nothing was accomplished and my normally high tolerance for dirt has become acceptance of complete filth. Don’t make me confess how poorly we eat now. “Do you want cereal or sandwiches for dinner?” Does anyone remember Ma and Pa Kettle? That’s us. Saggy boobs and all.

When I am involved in another blog, I WILL …

… NOT be posting the exact same thing here and there. I hate that.
… speak my mind. I don’t hide behind “anonymous”.
… seek intelligent debate in pursuit of solutions.
… attack policies, not people.
… listen and think about what other people say.

I am not sorry that you had to have a check-up today. I’m also not a horrible mother who wouldn’t let them give you shots if I really loved you. When you had your baby shots, I cried before, during and after that needle invaded your skin. As you got older, I joked and distracted you while I tensed and hid my pain. Today, I felt as terrible as the things you said to me, but I would (and will) do it again. I love you and know that a moment of pain and a few days of discomfort is better than a disease that can take your life. Yes, I am aware that you think you are invincible and know everything. That’s okay. I’ll keep my distance while you do stupid things and suffer the consequences. Sometimes, I’m going to laugh at you. When you are mature enough to laugh at yourself, you’ll understand. I won’t sit back and ignore your safety though. I’m not your best friend. I’m your mother. I love you even when you hate me.

Mom

At 7:22 this morning, EVERYONE in our house was asleep. I don’t know what kind of craziness is going on, but we have more than enough on our own plate without you dragging us into your problems. Go find another playmate. That is as polite as I am going to be about this.

It’s not fair to wake up with more mosquito bites than you had when you went to bed. How can I fight back at night? How extra evil is it to repeatedly attack a child sleeping in their crib? Mosquitoes are blood sucking vermin that serve no good purpose. I’m sure they rank somewhere on the food train in nature, but there are a gazillion other bugs that birds and bats could eat. The bees, which have NEVER stung me, are dying but the mosquito population thrives. That is completely wrong. Flies which do no harm live incredibly short lives. Mosquitoes live about three months and make 500 new mosquitoes during their lives. YUCK! Somebody tell the government that the mosquitoes are a terrorist conspiracy so they can get rid of these things.

A tourist spot? A bed and breakfast? I have been in the prison and except for the show that one of the inmates in solitary put on when he realized there were females in the building, this is not a place I would recommend to anyone for anything. The town is very quaint, but life revolves around this prison and working there. I think they need to attempt to bring a manufacturer or two into the town.

It’s cooler outside than it is in our house right now, so I’m going to hide in the basement and read until Doug gets home and then I’m going to sit in the air conditioned mall and read while Evan plays on the playground there. I’ll check back in a few hours to see if someone else sponsors us for the blogathon to keep Doug clothed during his shift and see how Katie and Jon are doing. Otherwise, I’m scooting over to this blog until Sunday. Sometime tonight we might go ahead with the video feed. Stay up with us tomorrow night and help us stay awake. Next week, I’ll post a review of the book my brother sent me.

Evan has learned what happens when you stomp on your gogurt and he likes it. Note to self: Do not give Evan ketchup packets. Ever.

Remember, if we don’t get two more sponsors in the next 6 hours, Doug is going to be blogging nude from 3 a.m. until 9 a.m. Sunday morning. Since our air conditioner died yesterday, this threat feels much less sarcastic and a lot more “don’t make me do it.”

Update: Just one more needed. Thank you Michael!

Don’t Forget: Since you have to create a log-in before you can sponsor a blog, if you would like to sponsor us without registering at the blogathon site, just tell me. I will make the sponsorship on the blogathon site and you just make the donation directly to STAR after the blogathon. I’ll post the link to STAR’s paypal site during the blogathon. You can even hand cash to anyone on our team at this Saturday’s blogfest and we’ll make the donation to STAR for you. Register at the blogathon site and make a sponsorship or just tell me how much you want to donate. I don’t care if I have to drive the donation over to STAR and hand it to someone personally. We’ll make it work!