A few weeks ago, Dominos bought our family’s and several additional teenagers‘ the new American Legends pizzas, in exchange for, well, nothing. They paid for the pizzas. We ate them and that was the end of that. I CHOOSE to make a few comments about the pizzas that we tried. Because I am an eccentric southerner aka picky eater, none of our pizzas had onions or peppers. I didn’t order the Pacific Veggie Pizza, because it looked like the peppers were the fun part of it and I didn’t think anyone would eat it. Well, Doug would eat it, but he doesn’t need an entire pizza to himself. We also decided against the Fiery Hawaiian Pizza since removing the onions and peppers made it nearly identical to another pizza. Instead, I got Sarah a Three Cheese Mac-n-Cheese Breadbowl. I find the idea of mac ‘n’ cheese pizza too horrible to even taste it, but Sarah and Amy insist that it is “yummy.” I’ll just take their word for it.

The Honolulu Hawaiian Pizza and Buffalo Chicken Pizzas were good. Our family had already made the Philly Cheese Steak Pizza a part of regular weekly order, so we knew that it was extra yummy. The Cali Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza was a little bland, but I think it could easily be adjusted with an additional ingredient or two. The biggest surprise for everyone was the Memphis BBQ Chicken Pizza. Admittedly, I do have a soft spot for Memphis in general, but the BBQ pizza is sweet and delicious. The only-eats-cheese-pizza child devoured two pieces of the BBQ pizza. The teen guests unanimously rated the BBQ as their favorite and Doug and I liked it so much that it is now part of our regular Tuesday order.

A quickie crust review: Everyone loves the cheddar crust. Everyone except the small people love the thin crust. Everyone likes the regular and parmesan crusts. The teenagers like the deep dish crust. The Brooklyn and provolone crusts are not popular.

Thank you for dinner Dominos!

On the other hand, Doug walks into a room and immediately creates a stage. There are no strangers. There are only people who have heard of Doug and simply haven’t talked to him yet. We took the youngest boys to miniature golf and one of the few people, playing on the nearly empty stretches of plastic grass, was one of Doug’s juggling friends. The two adult children seriously considered tossing golf clubs back and forth, but decided against it only because of the suffocating heat that made everyone feel like they were breathing molasses. The next day, we went to the mall to get information on local activities. In the amount of time that it took me to revert to event coordinator mode and survey the scene, Doug was in the very center of the circular tables, tossing a diablo. As I was still in survey view, I watched the people in almost every single booth space holding their cell phones up to capture the spontaneous entertainer. Somewhere in the ether are a series of pictures of Doug from every angle that could be pieced together into a 360 degree panorama. I am in the background watching, but you can’t see me in the photographs. I was using invisibility mode. Doug was only aware of the exhibitor he was was discussing diablo techniques with, while I was entertained by the performer AND the audience. In the end, the experience was different for everyone, but the end result was the same. We both had fun.

It’s a good thing I didn’t call to ask any questions about the sale. I am entirely lacking in seriousness. It does seem that having a healthy respect for silliness would be a good skill in a drive-in owner. Perhaps we have found the reason for the property sale. They lost their sense of humor after one too many customers filled a parking space with an inflatable couch for a half a dozen children wearing jammies.

“Cathy’s asking me if I’m okay. Somebody check the news to see what happened.”

They tried to be funny with this one, but it came across as sad instead.