Domestic Psychology

embracing the enemy

// November 27th, 2010 // No Comments » // crafts, holidays

After being at war with glitter for years and years, I am conceding defeat. I am embracing the sparkly herpes of craft supplies. I shall now use glitter for everything.

No pipe cleaner crafts at the kitchen table this year. This year’s ornaments will be objects glazed with glitter. I’m sorry birds. Instead of peanut butter and birdseed, we’re putting glitter on the pine cone harvest. Don’t waste hours carefully draping individual strands of tinsel when you can spend minutes throwing fistfuls of glitter on the tree. Gifts will be decorated with double stick tape and glitter instead of ribbon. The cat will leave sparkly dog snacks in the litter box instead of requiring intervention to remove the undigested curly ribbon.

Glitter is physically impossible to clean, so I’m putting away the broom and 409. There’s a pile of dog hair under the couch? Lightly dust it with glitter. Dropped an egg in the kitchen? Apply glitter liberally until the mess is replaced with a pool of metallic color. Glitter makes everything look better.

The best thing about glitter is that it is the gift that keeps giving. Everyone who visits our house will get that special sparkle to spread in their own cars, homes, clothing, hair . . .

crayon use or abuse

// June 13th, 2009 // No Comments » // crafts, teenagers

Last week, I sat down to clean and re-pack the crate of emergency “supplies” that live in the van. Sarah wandered by as I emptied some nearly full coloring books and a box of crayons. “Can I have those crayons?” I said yes even though I was surprised that it was Sarah instead of Amy requesting the crayons. Sarah spends most of her free time with a paint brush in her hand, while Amy prefers crayons. Five minutes later, *one of the smoke alarms starting buzzing. Sarah was in her bedroom painting a canvas with melted crayons. I wonder how many times she would have to set off the smoke alarm to encourage Doug to build that screened back porch I’ve been requesting for nearly a decade? I don’t need a screened porch for ME. I need a porch for Sarah to use as an art studio. We also need more crayons.

*When you have five children and a husband who juggles fire, you have multiple smoke alarms. Since only one buzzed, it’s time to change some batteries.

Advent Calendar

// December 4th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // crafts, flickr, holidays, home, parenting

In theory, advent calendars are an easy way for small children children to conceptualize the amount of time left until Christmas day. In reality, they are daily anxiety attacks for moms. Aside from the constant reminder that time is running out to sell a kidney and find the perfect gift for everyone, multiple children require multiple calendars. There are wonderfully cute advent calendars from toy makers and candy shops, but one prize per day doesn’t divide well among five children. Have you ever had to assemble a Playmobile Advent calendar? Do not attempt Playmobile assembly late at night when you are tired, because you will need all your coordination and concentration. After all that work, a younger sibling will inevitably raid the calendar and open every single box long before Christmas eve. Every year, I whined about needing to create an Advent calendar that worked better for our family. This year, I put together a no-effort, big family, multiple age children Advent calendar. Our calendar is twenty-four mittens on a lighted garland with five small treats in each mitten. The children take turns picking out which mitten to remove and everyone (so far) is happy. When all of the children are happy, mommy is extremely happy.

want to know a secret?

// November 29th, 2007 // No Comments » // crafts

If you smile and say please, the pizza place that is named after a tile game will give you an empty pizza box free of charge. They are great for getting delicate projects to and from school.

I’m a dog person with a cat craving.

// July 6th, 2007 // No Comments » // crafts

I love yarn. I walk down the yarn aisle and say “ooh” at the beautiful colors. I gently explore the different textures and say “mmm” when I find the silky soft yarns. It takes every ounce of self control not to buy a basket full of the wonderful yarns. I am strong enough to resist only because I can’t knit, crochet or do anything to help the yarn find its’ purpose. I can only use a knitting mushroom and the yarn snakes are cute, but completely pointless. I need a yarn skill so that I can spend hours playing with it.

nostalgia

// March 1st, 2007 // No Comments » // crafts

When I was young, my father brought home stacks of used computer printouts on giant sized paper that we used for drawing and crafts. Now that Amy demands page after page for drawing pictures and practicing words, I realize that everyone shreds their used paper. Rats.

it’ll be easy

// May 8th, 2006 // No Comments » // crafts

Crafters who list directions for projects as “easy and fun” are evil brainwashers. Every time I see those words, my rational brain clicks off and I attempt a project not intended for someone who can only work in 5 minute bursts between children’s needs and wants.

114227899589515452

// March 13th, 2006 // No Comments » // crafts

Fun with paper -
wishing stars
letters without envelopes
gum wrapper chain

For Doug & Dean

glitter is evil

// April 27th, 2005 // 4 Comments » // children, crafts

Dear Inventor of Glitter,
I can think of nothing nice to say to you right now. Your product should be illegal to minors. There is no good way to clean your product and it stays around worse than meth residue. In fact, I am considering calling in a toxic waste clean-up specialist to remove the sparkles from everywhere in my house. You should offer financial grants for the victims of your product so that they can hire professional assistance for glitter removal. Until then, may you be visited by an army of pre-teen girls armed with buckets of glitter and no common sense.
Thank you,
Cathy

devil’s craft supply

// May 31st, 2004 // 2 Comments » // crafts

Do you think I could banish glitter from our house?