pillow talk-ish

He: “That’s two.” She: “He’s a serial killer.” He: “Gotta catch ’em all.” She: “He killed Pikachu!”

today’s excuse

Today was overscheduled, with children’s activities overlapping. I needed to get dressed and get out the door quickly this morning. As I sat down to dry my hair, I ran out of my styling product. Specifically, it got so low that nothing would squirt out the pump dispenser. As I always do with shampoo, dish […]

more verbal than non

“And then we went to Lunsford’s and I played with everything while mom got my trumpet and then I collected more pokeballs cause their gazebo is a stop and then we went to Target and got school supplies and mom bought me gum! Why did you make a face when I said gum, mom? Dad, […]

Nancy Drew Housewife Mysteries

Book One: Socks While using her reasoning powers to track down the partners to missing socks, Nancy encounters a pair of socks that do not belong to anyone in her house. It will take all of Nancy’s skills to find the owner of the UNCLAIMED SOCKS! Coming soon – Book Two: The School Supply List

peopling

She: “I’m exhausted. I’m emotionally low and I had to people for like seven and a half hours today.” He: “Can I get you a therapist?”

old married people conversations

She: “What station are you playing now?” He: “One of the Amazon Prime country stations.” She: “The Outlaws are not country. They’re Southern Rock.” He: “It’s a country station.” She: “They are wrong.” She: “I think we had a raccoon or skunk in the yard last night.” He: “Definitely not dog or cat.” She: “Or […]

anything but that

The youngest child is wavering on the precipice between childhood and adolescence. If you stare at him long enough, you can see him growing and changing. I don’t want want to hold him back or push him forward. I want to memorize every single detail of this moment in time. So, when he is operating […]

playing with fire

“Noah says that I should ask you what happened to all the matches.” “I can tell by the smile on your face that he told on me.” “He said you put an entire box of matches in the wood stove.” “The fire wouldn’t start. I got annoyed and scattered matches to see if it helped […]

The TMI post where I apologize

The older I get, the more my body looks like it would benefit from Willy Wonka’s taffy puller. Putting it less vaguely, I’m getting shorter and fatter. I’m down to eating one meal a day and I still look like a weeble. I even spent several months attempting various old people exercises, but do you […]

stupid human tricks

“You’ve trained the cats to beg for food from your dinner plate.” “At least they aren’t raccoons.” “I accidentally cracked my phone screen, but there are not raccoon scratches on our door.” “There’s cat fur all over my clean shirts.” “There ISN’T raccoon fur on your laundry.” “I failed to get the Netflix dvd in […]