On purpose?

A's friend: "You should change your hair to red." A: "My mom accidentally colored her hair red. < – turns to me – > It's not that bad, though." Me: "I chose this color intentionally." A: "What? On purpose? You… It's… Uh… Nevermind." A's friend: < – temporarily speechless because she's trying not to laugh […]

more verbal than non

“And then we went to Lunsford’s and I played with everything while mom got my trumpet and then I collected more pokeballs cause their gazebo is a stop and then we went to Target and got school supplies and mom bought me gum! Why did you make a face when I said gum, mom? Dad, […]

tooth dilemma

The youngest child lost another baby tooth because he is “NOT a baby.” At bedtime, I put it in a small ziploc and handed it to him for tucking under his pillow. He held the bag up to a light and studied the tooth. “You know, I really like doing the tooth fairy thing because […]

But don’t put your tongue on a flagpole

The 10-y-o and the 13-y-o were having a lengthy and slightly agitated discussion about extreme cold. A: “Well, C said that she knew somebody who peed outside and the pee froze before it hit the ground.” E: “You can make pee-sicles?” A: “That’s what I heard.” Then, Dad chimed in with a lecture about temperatures, […]

perils of marketing

“I want to see the Deadpool movie.” “No.” “But, it looks funny.” “No.” “I’ll ask Grandaddy to take me.” “No.” “Then, I’ll wait and watch it on Netflix.” “No.” “Why are you being mean? I’ll be the only person in the world who doesn’t get to see it.”

vanishing innocence

“I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Even that really bad German man who killed everybody would have liked me.” Age ten developmental milestone that was not in my child development class: Awareness of privilege

condiment priority

“We have chicken nuggets almost every day at the middle school.” “Sweet! I can’t wait for middle school. Wait. Do you have bbq sauce?” “No. We only have ketchup.” “Am I allowed to bring my own bbq sauce?” “Sure.” “Excellent.” Dear Middle School, Please allow my child to carry a bottle of bbq sauce in […]

much to say

“It’s too bad this isn’t a three day weekend like last weekend. I wish every weekend was three days. You know my friend E? The one who has a pool? Well, it isn’t his pool. It’s his neighborhood pool. I like that pool. E made up a new word. It’s peenana. I bet you can’t […]