But don’t put your tongue on a flagpole

The 10-y-o and the 13-y-o were having a lengthy and slightly agitated discussion about extreme cold. A: “Well, C said that she knew somebody who peed outside and the pee froze before it hit the ground.” E: “You can make pee-sicles?” A: “That’s what I heard.” Then, Dad chimed in with a lecture about temperatures, […]

perils of marketing

“I want to see the Deadpool movie.” “No.” “But, it looks funny.” “No.” “I’ll ask Grandaddy to take me.” “No.” “Then, I’ll wait and watch it on Netflix.” “No.” “Why are you being mean? I’ll be the only person in the world who doesn’t get to see it.”

vanishing innocence

“I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Even that really bad German man who killed everybody would have liked me.” Age ten developmental milestone that was not in my child development class: Awareness of privilege

condiment priority

“We have chicken nuggets almost every day at the middle school.” “Sweet! I can’t wait for middle school. Wait. Do you have bbq sauce?” “No. We only have ketchup.” “Am I allowed to bring my own bbq sauce?” “Sure.” “Excellent.” Dear Middle School, Please allow my child to carry a bottle of bbq sauce in […]

no storks here

“Are E and I your rugrats?” “You’re my loin fruit.” “Ew! Mom! What is wrong with you?”

much to say

“It’s too bad this isn’t a three day weekend like last weekend. I wish every weekend was three days. You know my friend E? The one who has a pool? Well, it isn’t his pool. It’s his neighborhood pool. I like that pool. E made up a new word. It’s peenana. I bet you can’t […]

The sass is strong in this one

“Why do all of your jeans have holes in the knees?” “Knees rip, Mom. That’s just the way they are.” Maybe his nickname needs to be Bender.

A 9-y-o’s review of Guardians of the Galaxy (spoilers)

“That movie was awesome! I want to dance like Peter Quill does, but Groot was the best. I like it when Groot gets the bad guys and smiles. I really wanted the spaceship to go back and save Peter’s mom though.”

I did a bad, bad thing

When the National Mall fireworks ended, we marched with hordes of people down dark and unfamiliar streets, past waterfront restaurants that smelled like fishing piers and across a street that required walking down a flight of stairs and up a flight of stairs. At the end of the walking maze, we entered a Metro Station […]

It’s hard to be the youngest

“Noah’s taking me to college with him.” “He will be living in a dorm with a roommate.” “That’s okay. His roommate won’t care, cause I’m awesome.” “What about mommy and daddy?” “I’ll visit you on holidays and you can send me care packages.”