Archive for life

stuck on pause

// August 13th, 2010 // No Comments » // life, people

My mental filing cabinet holds a vivid memory of the last place I see someone. If I never see them again, in my mind they are trapped forever in that place. My summer routines are completely different than my school year routines. This week, I’ve revisited places that I haven’t been since school let out in May. Every time I feel that ghost, frozen in that place where I last saw them, I have to pause and let the memories flood over me. I know that as the school year continues, the pauses will get shorter and the flashes will replay faster. Much too soon, we’ll have summer break and next fall will be here. Then, it starts all over again. It’s actually a really warm, comfortable feeling and the vividness of it is something I want to hold. Forever.

green fail

// August 8th, 2010 // No Comments » // life, me

We recycle. We repurpose. We’re learning to eat more raw and less processed. We bring our own bags when we shop. We use water bottles instead of bottled water. I buy most of our clothes at consignment stores. I love second hand furniture. We are trying to continually evolve into a greener lifestyle. After spending a day in the Smokies and using their outhouse disguised as a restroom, I have decided that I will never, ever give up my over-priced, environmentally unfriendly toilet tissue. In fact, I may start traveling with a roll of the “good stuff” in my bag. Maybe I’ll go to the Center for Peace, Earth Day Festival and other hippie hangouts and sell from my private stash of luxury tissue. “Pssst! Three or five squares?”

laundry quickies

// July 27th, 2010 // No Comments » // Family, life

Two things to move me toward my unintentional evolution into a laundry blogger:

First, I would like my spouse and children to be admitted into the Justice League based on their ability to dematerialize and materialize at will. Evidence of this power is the daily pile of “Night of the Comet” clothing with no evidence of deliberate removal. Socks and undergarments are in the exact location inside the exterior garments that they were when on their bodies. There is no scrunching or rolling, just a neat pile that could only have occurred by the wearer dematerializing. I guess they could be transmutating, but I think that would leave evidence behind, so I’m sticking with the original super power estimation. Just have Superman contact me and we’ll work out details about their admission.

Second, there are now three adult sized males in this house. I have no trouble telling the individuals apart, but their clothing is becoming increasingly indistinguishable. Do you know what makes males act like pre-adolescent girls? Putting the wrong person’s clothing in their closet. “This isn’t mine! Why couldn’t you tell whose it is? Eww, gross. I can’t wear someone else’s socks/pajamas/shirts.” Comparing them to pre-adolescent girls was a bad example, because girls have no problem swapping/sharing clothing. Apparently males consider the possibility of wearing someone else’s clothing an insult. Maybe they’re just worried that their clothing went to another person. I don’t know. I don’t understand either. In my next life, we will have one clothing closet and everything will be sorted by size instead of person. It will make things much easier.

Buster

// June 12th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // life, people

The unofficial supervisors of our cove have always been the seniors who quietly monitored everything from the bug-free safety of their screen porch. They have been here longer than anyone and know decades of stories about the people and buildings in this wooded cul-de-sac. While his wife always sweetly charmed everyone, Buster stoically kept a distance from much of the world’s silliness. For reasons I never understood, Buster tolerated our big, loud, messy family with a patience that others couldn’t believe. He snickered when Doug decided to remove our sidewalk even though the pile of concrete still sits in the side yard. He grinned when Doug tried to cut down a tree and succeeded in mangling a very large ladder in the process. He just shook his head when our house gained a moat to fight the basement flooding.

All of the children in the cove use Buster’s yard as a shortcut. They treat his driveway like a bike ramp. On summer evenings, children chase fireflies everywhere in the cove, including Buster’s carefully manicured lawn. Besides watching the adults and children as if we we were a reality show, Buster and his wife fed our dogs. In exchange for the delicious treats, Molly would peek in their windows to check on them. She was very much a part of their family.

Then, Buster got sick. He fought it, but it got worse instead of better. He moved from the screen porch to the living room to a hospice bed. A steady stream of family and friends kept vigil as he became increasingly frail. He stopped leaving the house except when Doug did something odd. When Doug put a small tomato garden where most people would put a flower bed, Buster made the exhausting trip across the cove to get a close-up view of our shenanigans. When Doug wrangled a large snake into our backyard forest, Buster came outside to peek at the commotion. We half-joked that if we could be more entertaining, Buster might rebound from the terrible sickness that caused him constant pain while making the simple act of breathing a struggle.

It wasn’t our antics, but his beloved wife of 61 years that kept Buster going. When he was satisfied that she would be lovingly cared for, Buster finally left. One stormy night this week, his children stood in the rain and watched as Buster was gently taken from his home for the very last time. I sat in the darkness and watched the peaceful ceremony. Molly didn’t run across the cove to look for treats and collect love pats. She stayed by my side and supervised as our cove patriarch left.

For weeks, we have discussed what we should do to honor the memory of someone with quiet dignity and importance. I suggested planting a tree in the center of the cove. Doug tilted his head and told me that Buster said there used to be a tree in the middle of the cove. Buster had it removed. A memorial tree was vetoed. When the funeral services were scheduled for the same day we planned to begin construction on Amy’s playhouse, I was prepared to delay our project out of respect. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that putting on a show was exactly what Buster would have enjoyed. So, that is exactly what we did.

Goodbye Buster.

Tuesday v Wednesday

// May 19th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // life

Tuesday night: 200 teenagers
Wednesday night: Doug & I
Tuesday night: poundingly loud music
Wednesday night: quiet voices & tapping keys
Tuesday night: sequins & heels
Wednesday night: jammies & bare feet
Tuesday night: standing & running
Wednesday night: sitting & relaxing
Tuesday night: Good
Wednesday night: Great

it’s a marathon, not a sprint

// May 13th, 2010 // No Comments » // life, mental health, people

There has been far too much death, illness, injury and loss in the social and IRL community that surrounds me lately. In every instance, people have swarmed to support those in need. Then, they slowly drifted to other places where they felt more needed. I’m going to tell you a secret about women. When there is a crisis, adrenalin or something deep inside that they don’t even know is there, kicks in and they do what has to be done. Just as things start to slip back into the new normal and the village of support vanishes, the anvil of reality crushes their soul and pins them down. Life changing events don’t have start and stop dates. They happen and change everything from that point forward. We need to change how we respond to these events. Instead of moving as a wall of support from one crisis to another, we have to spread out and hold hands, like a giant safety net. Check back in on people over and over again. Go the distance.

even in surreal, there must be real

// May 6th, 2010 // No Comments » // life, people, TN

The mood in the flood zone is shifting from survival to exhaustion. Everyone started with white flags waving for the media to notice that there was more happening than celebrities cheating on spouses. Victims gave status updates while their cyber friends acted as clearing houses for emergency resources. Resources trickled in and the media noticed that an entire city was underwater. Insurance rejections began. “We don’t cover that.” Anger and sadness is trying to take hold of the weary victims. The frustration is palpable in posts and tweets. One odd topic keeps reappearing. Car washes. Water is a valuable commodity that is needed for survival, but, in the midst of rationing, people are washing their cars. I know it’s wasteful, but I feel like the people washing their cars are the walking wounded. They are in shock and operating on auto pilot. They are trying with all their might to get back to some semblance of the life they had before the rains. I know they need to stop using water for things like cars. Getting angry won’t stop it. They just can’t help themselves. No. They are TRYING to help themselves the only way they know. Someone’s going to have to gently take their hand and redirect them to something else that makes them feel normal. Everyone needs a bridge from the old normal to the new normal.

from Monday’s script

// May 4th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // kid quotes, life, parenting, relatives

click
Me: “What’s that…”
click
Me: “Evan! Stop taking pictures of Mommy.”
Evan: “Why?”
Me: “Never take pictures in the bathroom.”
Evan: “But I’m standing in the hallway.”

“Mom? Why are there X’s wiggling all over your phone?”

“Stop it.”
“You stop it.”
“He won’t quit throwing stuff at me.”
“He threw it first.”
“How am I supposed to leave you in charge when you are acting EXACTLY like a 4-year-old?”

“I’m not using that unisex bathroom. If don’t use the same bathroom as my husband, I’m certainly not using the same one as strange men.”

“His only option is bypass. Times three.”

“Don’t spend money on a box that you’re going to toss in the dirt.”
“Whoever is left behind gets to make that choice. If you want to decide, don’t go first.”

“… and I want you to sell the house and move in with someone who can take care of you and …”

“No tub baths. No driving. No lifting.”
“He’s not listening to you.”
“I know that, but I’m gonna say it anyway.”

“Cathy? I saw your pictures on Twitter and knew you were here somewhere.”

“Did you see the videos from Nashville today?”

“Mom? Can I have a playhouse?”

Eggs

// April 6th, 2010 // 4 Comments » // holidays, life

How to decorate boiled eggs –
4-y-o: Drop each boiled egg in a cup of color as rapidly as possible. Immediately remove with your bare hands and declare egg decorating “all done”. The result is a dozen pastel eggs with technicolor fingerprints.
7-y-o: Patiently hold each egg so that only half of it is soaking in the color. Repeat until you have one dozen two-tone and striped eggs.
13-y-o: Write funny things on each egg with the clear crayon before dropping in a cup of color. Walk away snickering in self satisfaction at the finished eggs. Look surprised when the ones that were too sarcastic are covered with stickers on Easter.
16-y-o: Delicately drip color over eggs, have them soak until they are neon and patiently dip until they are intricate works of art. Smash several eggs to create bullseye patterns of eggshell bits. Dip in color again.
19-y-o: Write the wrong color on the eggs before dropping them in the egg color and walking away while directing someone else to remove the eggs.

Final count: 5 dozen boiled eggs + 150 plastic eggs filled with candy or coins

laundry and dishes, repeat

// January 12th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // home, life

The majority of my days (and nights) are spent trying to stay caught up on the laundry and dishes. I wash and dry the laundry all week, but every Saturday I strip all six beds to end the weekend with clean sheets, blankets and clothes. If I don’t start Monday with fresh bedding, full dressers and mostly empty dirty laundry baskets, I feel like I am trying to run in a swimming pool all week.

The sink is filled with dirty dishes three (or more) times a day. I should wash them all day, but I usually just stand at the sink for an hour every morning and again every evening. If I miss a day of washing dishes, the counters fill with poorly stacked piles of drippy mess that threaten to fall every time a small child innocently tosses a spoon into the glass and ceramic tetris game.

The first problem was the holidays. Shopping, wrapping and travel made the laundry baskets multiply faster than Tribbles. The second problem was a mouse hiding in the kitchen who made his presence known in every drawer and cabinet. The normal dishes in our family are bad, but when I had to wash every single pot, pan, dish, glass and utensil as well as the drawers and cabinets that housed them, the mess was disaster movie quality.

The final straw was a week of freakishly cold weather, snow and ice. Every single blanket in the house was on someone’s bed. Atop the blankets were unzipped sleeping bags. While the adults waddled around the house wearing more layers than Randy, the children somehow managed to get their clothes soaking wet from snow and ice play, over and over again. Eventually, they had nothing left to wear except swimsuits.

Finally, I can see the bottoms of the dirty laundry baskets and the countertops have no piles of dirty dishes. I can sit down and write again OR I can hold my breath waiting for the major appliance break and stomach bug that are just around the corner.

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