Domestic Psychology

Saturday night at the Cove

// December 27th, 2008 // No Comments » // flickr, holidays, local

I heart Phil Fulmer

// November 3rd, 2008 // 3 Comments » // local, people

I don’t care about sports. I do want to remind everyone that Phil Fulmer is one of the good guys. Besides being a really nice person, he has been very active in the Suicide Prevention programs in TN. He needs to be paid what he was promised and thanked for the many good things he has done.

and the 3-y-o beat up the 6-y-o

// October 28th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // local, medical, parenting

With 5 children, we are very lucky we don’t spend more time at doctors and hospitals. The children sensed that we were overdue for an ER visit and set out to remedy the situation. I knew it would be Amy or Evan who had the next big boo-boo. Watching the two of them interact is like watching a see-saw. They’re sharing, they’re fighting. They’re shoving, they’re hugging. They’re happy, they’re sad. Back and forth they go, all the day long. Saturday night, Doug and I were out searching for Fancy Nancy hair when the phone rang. The story on the phone was confusing, but we understood the message that Amy had hit her head and was going to Children’s Hospital. Several more phone calls during the drive explained that Amy was somewhere between sitting and standing in a chair in her grandmother’s kitchen. Evan deliberately pulled the chair over or accidentally knocked it over and Amy’s head clonked on the floor. Hard. With a basic grasp of the scenario, we reached the hospital area and were immediately reminded that UT had a home game playing. Roads were blocked and parking lots were full. The normally $1 an hour lot was now a flat $20. Doug circled the emergency room lot until someone left while I went inside. I understand that the businesses in that area need football crowds to survive, but something is wrong when the emergency room parking lot is filled with football traffic.

It doesn’t matter the day, time or crowd in the Children’s Hospital ER, I always get triaged instantly and wait minimally before going back to see a nurse. The nurses and doctors know exactly how to communicate with small people and calm parents (and distraught grandmothers). The only consequence of Amy’s fall was an actual egg sized lump on the back of her head and a hospital bracelet as a badge of courage. All we had to do was wait for discharge, so we waited. and waited. and waited some more. I think there must be exactly one employee per hospital who does discharges and that person spends their entire shift racing from floor to floor trying to process everyone out. It seems to hold true at every hospital I have ever been in. You put the first real clothes on your new baby and change their diaper every five minutes in an attempt to make it out of the hospital before mustard or tar has stained that first outfit. Still, given a choice between slow admission and slow discharge, I’ll take slow discharge. Now I just need to make Amy and Evan wear helmets and football pads when they are in the same room.

Dear Knoxville therapist,

// October 28th, 2008 // 12 Comments » // aspergers, local, medical

You have a special talent for connecting with Aspie children. Even though we no longer see you, I recommend you to the half a dozen newly diagnosed families who call me every month. Well, I used to recommend you. I will no longer do so. I stupidly ignored when you would talk to me about other patients. I shouldn’t have. Now I hear that you are talking about my child. More than talking about him, you are telling other families that my child is one of your only two failures. You are entitled to your incorrect opinion of the level of my son’s success, but I am furious that you are talking bad about my son to other people. That is unprofessional and if it continues, I will file a complaint with the state. Stop talking about my son. Now.

downtown Knoxville maze

// October 25th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // flickr, local

signs Knoxville needs

// October 18th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // life, local, people, TN

Gallaher View – “Stay in your lane or stay off this road.”

West Town mall stairwells – “Do NOT urinate in stairwells. Moron.”

Nubbin Ridge – “No joggers. Ever.”

unisex bathrooms – “No quickies when other people are waiting for restroom.” & “Bathroom NOT soundproof.”

Everywhere else – “No spitting on sidewalk. Yuck.”

teenagers are not criminals

// October 1st, 2008 // 3 Comments » // local, people, school, teenagers

I am no longer surprised to see how half an hour of talking to a reporter will play as a single blurb. The only point that my random quote made is that I am AGAINST random searches in schools. Those searches won’t be random. Children of particular religions, races, genders and groups will be harassed with constant searches. All the introspective art students who like to dress in black will be targeted because they look different. Just to give the appearance of randomness, innocent students will be tossed to the search wolves. Just read the commenter who wants the schools to profile children based on their religion and tell me you think this will be fair or reasonable.

I have been inside Brushy Mountain, Taft and Haslam. They will tell you that random searches don’t keep out weapons or drugs. Bad people will find a way to do bad things. Those searches are part of a methodic system designed to break the inmates spirit. My children are not wild horses that need to be saddle broke. I want them to search out the things that they are passionate about. I want them to explore who they are are and where they fit in this world. I want them to believe in their dreams.

Searches without reasonable cause will result in expensive art supplies being confiscated because they might be used for graffiti. They will result in phones and cameras being confiscated because they might be used for cheating. In a system with ROTC officers requiring girls to flash their breasts and special education students being physically injured in “therapeutic” holds, searches only open the door for excessive physical force and inappropriate groping. Will we believe the word of the authority figure or the student who is denied any rights?

In response to a senseless murder in one of our schools, our new Superintendent requested a large number of additional cameras in the schools. Cameras don’t stop crime. At best, they report it after the fact. Many years ago, my oldest son was physically assaulted at KAEC. I asked to see the incident tape. It didn’t exist because they only randomly record and then they tape over those random recordings. A few years later, there was a riot on his school bus. I asked to see the tape. There was no tape because the camera was broken. Last year, our elementary school playground was badly vandalized. There are cameras, but there was no tape.

When a few of the high schools started requiring uniforms this year, I knew that next year it will be all of the schools. I don’t care if the students wear uniforms. They look very cute. I also know that it doesn’t make the school safer. It just offers a false sense of security.

Stop trying to make our schools a prison. My children and all of their friends are not criminals and do not deserve to be treated like criminals. Using fear mongering as an excuse to be treated badly has to stop.

Update: The school board erased the word pat-downs and the measure for random searches passed unanimously. Our school board is a monarchy. They put zero value in parental input.

See also: Threat Assessment in Schools: A Guide to Managing Threatening Situations and to Creating Safe School Climates

Saturday

// September 27th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // flickr, food, local

Greek food wins every time

// September 25th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // food, local, parenting

After a month away at school, Tommy is finally coming home for the weekend. Not to see us, but to visit Greekfest. He doesn’t care about the church service, the dancing, the music, the outfits or the people. He only wants to eat the delicious food. I like everything about Greekfest, but there’s no denying that the food is the best part of the weekend. They should just call it “Eat till you sleep fest.” The recipes are happily shared. I just can’t replicate them. It’s a shame to have to eat a year’s worth of Greek pastry in one day, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

high school is like home

// September 20th, 2008 // No Comments » // local, people, school

I still don’t have a picture of Sarah doing the half-time show that I really like. I tried again last night. On my way into the stadium, a vice-principal waved and asked me about Tommy. A few minutes later, a parent asked me how Tommy is doing. Almost immediately another parent asked, followed quickly by a teacher checking on Tommy. Before I left the high school campus, more than a dozen different people kindly stopped me and asked about a child who is no longer a student at that school. High school is a community unlike any other. It is a place where every child matters. Friday night football games are family reunions. Not Tyler Perryish passive-aggressive family gatherings, but spirit-nurturing family reunions. High School is your great grandmother’s house. You don’t live there, but it is always home.