Domestic Psychology

Tennessee to Texas

// January 30th, 2012 // No Comments » // people, TN

In the past year, we’ve observed a steady stream of people moving from TN to Texas. Why Texas? Is TN too liberal for them?

not gay

// January 27th, 2012 // No Comments » // people

Can everyone please stop accusing every homophobe of being in the closet? It isn’t funny. The homophobes are not misguided about their own sexuality. They are not going to have a sudden personal revelation and apologize. They are not cute, sweet, or pitiful. They are just plain unpleasant. Stop calling them gay.

Disinformation is dangerous

// January 26th, 2012 // 2 Comments » // health, people

When a scripted reality show brought in an anti-vaxer as the special celebrity guest for a family whose youngest child had tetanus, I complained. I didn’t complain about the show. I complained about the inclusion of someone who spreads disinformation. Instead of addressing my concerns, the local PR firm pulled the equivalent of Godwin’s Law. “Some people don’t believe in evolution either.” They should have used that line on the celebrity and found someone else for their show.

When an elected TN official states false information about public health, they are a hazard to their constituents. When that same official uses their religious beliefs as a bragging point, it should not have to be said that the teens in that official’s religious sect have made it clear that they consider unprotected sex less of a sin than sex with a condom. Spreading disinformation that implies, no, declares heterosexual sex is not an HIV risk, is dangerous. That kind of disinformation being spread by an elected official who is popular with already poorly informed teens is beyond dangerous. It is life threatening. Destructive.

The guy down the street with disinfowars stickers on everything doesn’t endanger others. His paranoid conspiracy theories only make his life bleak. Celebrities and politicians have fans and followers who make choices based on the words of their heroes. Discouraging immunizations and spreading false information about the spread of HIV hurts other people.

The other occupiers

// November 10th, 2011 // No Comments » // mental health, people

When hopeful college students first began occupying public parks, they were not the first urban campers. Homeless people were living in parks, empty buildings and cars long before the Citizens United ruling. Fighting attempts to help the homeless with the hateful excuse that they will go away if we ignore or punish them is a lie. The homeless are everywhere. Long after the occupiers *move on to other methods of protest or activism, the homeless will remain outside, unprotected and unwanted.

In our obscenely wealthy country, we allow human beings to live unprotected from the brutal extremes of nature. It is easy to dehumanize the homeless. They are primarily SPMI and the combination of illness and survival instinct create almost feral behaviors. They don’t follow social norms. They may or may not say thank you. It is extremely likely that they self medicate. They probably smell funky.

The homeless population is diverse and there is not a formula for helping them. Most are too healthy to be hospitalized, but too ill to survive without assistance. What we know for certain is that they are safer with a place to call home. When they are safer, the possibility of moving beyond the primal survival mode exists. The odds of happily ever after success stories with feel good endings are unlikely. The fact remains that we are talking about human beings who need help.

The complexity of the situation is being played out in the occupations everywhere. The occupations are well organized social systems that are a blend between a Boy Scout camporee and a For the One Dance. The SPMI population are more interested in getting food in their stomach than in recycling or **gifting time. Some occupations are dealing with the neediest members of their encampments better than others. The same is true of all communities.

It remains to be seen how the Occupy movement will be written about in future history books. I hope that the immediate result shifts from arrests to stronger efforts to house all people. Closing facilities for mental health treatment is only going to make the homeless issue worse.

*Yes, I want the occupiers safely indoors instead of outside as winter arrives. The move to occupy homes that are being foreclosed is far less legal than being in a park, but still safer.

**Hippie speak

New York randomness

// November 1st, 2011 // No Comments » // people, travel

New York could have saved itself a lot of money by not installing crossing lights. No New Yorker heeds those lights. They cross by some kind of intuition. I assimilated and crossed without hesitation when there was no traffic, but I was less confident when there were moving cars. My solution was to follow the lead of the person wearing skinny jeans. Regardless of what they are wearing or their age, never follow two people holding hands. People holding hands in New York are in a love haze and they will walk for miles to get nowhere.

- – - – - – -

“Are those old-fashioned water containers on rooftops in case of fire?”
“I don’t know.”
“What embassy is that?”
“I don’t know.”
“What is that sculpture?”
“I don’t know.”
“For someone who claims to be a New Yorker, you don’t know a lot.”

- – - – - – -

On the other hand, I paused to take a picture of one of the amazing window displays in the city and when I turned back, Sarah was in a group debating subway routes.

- – - – - – -

Having witnessed the functional purpose of the scarves that New Yorkers wear as fashion accessories, I wonder how they deal with smells and germs on subways during warm weather.

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Metropolitan Museum of Art > Frick > MoMa

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Not knowing Spanish in New York felt rude and inconsiderate. I’m sorry.

- – - – - – -

Small child reading ad on the side of a bus: “Beavis and Butthead.”
Nanny: “Just say Beavis.”
Child: “That’s not what it says.”
Nanny: “That is ALL you will say.”

- – - – - – -

Do people in New York not need the rare and endangered public bathroom because they walk off all fluids or are they perpetually dehydrated?”

- – - – - – -

OH in crowd watching Naked Cowboy: “I think he’s gay.”

- – - – - – -

“One of the Beatles died there. Why are you crying?”

- – - – - – -
If I lived in New York, I would be one of the clipboard people who answer questions in Central Park. I could never get tired of Central Park.

A day alone in New York

// October 25th, 2011 // No Comments » // me, people

I sat on a bench in the park. The cool breeze gently fanned the sweet smell of peanuts roasting nearby. To my right, a woman who looked too frail to stand tenderly stroked peaceful chords from a large, gold harp. My left side was being serenaded by A Capella street performers whose deep voices were perfectly spun and resonated by the arched bridge over their heads. In front of me, a fountain with a bird covered sculpture was the backdrop for both a high fashion photo shoot and a bride in an enormously puffy white wedding dress.

I sat on the museum steps and watched people. Hordes of uniformed school girls in pleated blue gingham skirts skipped and hopped toward the museum entrance while half a dozen Hasidic teen boys had an animated conversation about something on a piece of paper they seemed to be sharing. Two women in burkas scurried down the sidewalk silently while three Puerto Rican nannies had what sounded like three concurrent monologues as their stroller restrained charges slept. Across the street, two men in dark suits stood silently, waiting for something or someone. A woman walked down the street, screaming nonsense at each person she passed while everyone around her avoided the eye contact that would make them the long term target of whatever demon was upsetting her so much.

New York is breathtaking in its’ simultaneous sensory overload and perfect calmness.

Whaddya think about OWS?

// October 23rd, 2011 // No Comments » // me, people

Every person I have met the past five days has asked me almost immediately what my opinion is about Occupy Wall Street. Based on the sheer amount of discussion it has inspired, Occupy Wall Street has already made a difference. It feels like the test question of the year. How you answer it determines if you are economically illiterate, a socialist hippie or some other umbrella category. I feel slightly restrained from being able to say exactly how I feel about this movement, where it is now and where I see it going. This is what I am willing to say.

Whenever something happens that causes people to take sides, you consciously pick a side or you remain silent and support the side that is loudest. It works the same with voting. If you don’t vote, you are supporting the candidate or issue with the most votes.

When Occupy Wall Street began, they were working all the social media angles while mainstream media went out of their way to ignore the movement. So, I amplified their social media noise until they finally got press. In doing so, I chose a side. I chose to agree with the people who want their voices to matter more than corporations (whose employees are primarily overseas). I do think politicians have become representatives of their corporate overlords. Those same corporate donors are orchestrating control of public education. I do not think the education reform movement is currently moving in the best interest of all children. I believe it is instead being used by the wealthy and powerful to destroy public education.

I support the original ideas and concepts of Occupy Wall Street. I sincerely hope that while they are digging in roots, they are also sprouting wings.

Questions I heard people ask the NYPD:

// October 23rd, 2011 // No Comments » // people

“Where’s the nearest bathroom?”
“Where can I buy a drink?”
“What’s that statue called?”
“Why is it so crowded here?”
*”Which direction is the subway?”
“What are they protesting?”
“Can I get my picture made with you?”

Highly skilled and trained police officers are treated like tourist information kiosks in New York.

*That one was me.

“planning” in public

// October 9th, 2011 // No Comments » // people

I spent a LOT of time as a member or chair of various committees and coalitions. In between the serious conversations, number crunching and careful planning, there was the ‘other’ stuff. For the privacy of all involved in that stuff, I will give a completely ridiculous, partially reality based, fictional example of that stuff.

Let’s say we wanted to work during lunch. Something as meaningless as the pizza we were ordering would turn into a three ring circus. One person would request that the wheat for the crust be blessed by a shaman. Someone else in the group would feel the need to offer a long lecture about free range pepperoni. The vegan might burst into tears at the thought of someone eating cheese. After a long healing session and smudging the bad karma from the room, everyone would agree to a lunch of organic wheatgrass that was locally grown by homeschoolers.

All of that is a long and silly way of saying that regardless of your group’s mission or event, the ‘stuff’ is a distraction that doesn’t need to be included in your notes for the next committee. It is as relevant to the process as how many times someone in the group needed a potty break.

If you are going to do your planning on Facebook or any other public venue, you do not want the distractions making more noise than the actions that matter. Plan in a private group instead of on everyone and their cousin’s wall. There are detractors who would like your group’s audience and budget and they will happily tell the world that only communists don’t eat pizza. Don’t walk into a PR war about junk food. Order pizza in private.

staring us in the face

// October 6th, 2011 // No Comments » // Family, people

We spent so many years searching for information about my father’s adoption that we felt prepared for anything we might learn. Old records, news clippings and court documents were extremely descriptive of the modus operandi of Georgia Tann. Every single time the story was discussed, we talked about the multiple scenarios that could have described my father’s case. We knew.

Actually putting our hands on the case file took so long that it felt like the finish line. The documents, photographs and letters seemed like the end of our search. Everything was there. The tightly woven small town connections were reaffirming that everyone did what was right. Except… there was one thing that didn’t fit. One tiny blurb in a newspaper that we tried to justify with excuses.

Today, a small town pastor sat with my father and told him what we always knew, but never wanted to be true. My father’s birth mother published her child’s obituary in the newspaper, because she was told that her newborn son was dead.