Domestic Psychology

Evan blur

// December 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // flickr, preschoolers

from the cutting room floor

// December 29th, 2009 // No Comments » // parenting, preschoolers, teenagers

Two short anecdotes that didn’t make the cut:

In preparation for my youngest child’s first musical performance, we practiced songs daily. The day of the event, we sat near the front of the auditorium and waited. Our child’s turn on the stage was spent staring at his feet, rocking on his toes, wandering from his spot and having a shoving contest with the child next to him. He didn’t utter a single note. It was the only time his entire life that he has been silent while awake.

On another day, I asked my oldest daughter what time her performance would begin. “You’re not going to come watch it are you? It’s terrible. You should skip it.” Later that week, as I walked to my car, I texted the same child to let her know that I was heading home. “Already? Did you see my performance? How did it look? Did you get pictures?”

redecorating the tree

// December 19th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // holidays, pets, preschoolers

A. Evan moves the ornaments from the middle of the tree to the bottom of the tree.
B. The dogs knock the ornaments to the floor.
C. I move the ornaments from the floor to the middle of the tree.
D. Repeat. All the day long.

yardwork

// November 28th, 2009 // No Comments » // Doug, fall, preschoolers

Doug spent yesterday and today blowing leaves. He blew leaves off the roof. He blew leaves off the driveway. He blew leaves from the front yard. He blew leaves from the back yard. He took the thick blanket of leaves that covered every inch of our house and yard and blew the leaves into giant piles. He occasionally tapped on the window and gestured for me to look at his work. I smiled and gave him a thumbs up every time. As he turned and walked off to work on a new area of the yard, Evan trailed a few feet behind him. Evan’s arms were filled with leaves that he was collecting from the giant piles and sprinkling everywhere that was lacking in leaves. Doug blew the leaves off and Evan tossed them back in the place where they belonged. When darkness forced them both indoors, Doug flopped on the couch and Evan flopped on the floor. Satisfied. And oblivious.

water critics

// November 27th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // preschoolers, sleep

Besides the ridiculous habit of someone having to sit beside Evan until he falls asleep every night, both Evan and his sister demand a cup of water at their bedside. I’m sure it’s because I allowed them to nurse themselves to sleep or something else I did wrong, but as with many things, this is not a battle I want to fight right now. Lately, the cup of water has evolved into something of a drink order.

Evan: “I need a cup of water with THREE ice cubes.”
Amy: “I need a cup of water with ONE ice cube.”

When you tiptoe back in their dark room and put the cup of water beside the bed, a tiny hand immediately grabs it. shake, shake, shake

“That feels right. Thanks.”

If you wait too long and the ice melts . . . it gets sent back to the chef.

bedtime routines

// October 20th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // preschoolers, sleep

When Evan graduated out of the crib, he made it abundantly clear that without a cage to contain him, he was not going to remain still long enough to fall asleep. Every night since then, someone gets in the teeny bed with Evan and snuggles up next to him until Evan is asleep. Usually, the bedtime assistant has to say “Shhh” a few times. Sometimes, the bedtime assistant has to ask Evan to quit kicking the wall. Occasionally, the bedtime assistant has to drape an arm over Evan as if they are a bed harness. More often than not, the assistant just remains completely still and silent while hoping that Evan falls asleep before the assistant nods off. If the assistant falls asleep before Evan, game over. Evan wins.

Yes, I know that Evan should have learned to stay in bed and fall asleep on his own by now. Honestly, it is just not a battle worth fighting. As long as Evan falls asleep by 8 pm, life is good. Usually, the bedtime assistant job alternates between Sarah and Noah. They are able to get Evan to sleep in about ten minutes and rarely have a problem. When they aren’t home, Doug and I take turns. Doug usually nods off and sleeps for an hour. When it’s my turn, I alternate between my mind racing with all the things I should be doing and accidentally falling asleep.

Last night, I was Evan’s bedtime assistant simply because everyone else was out of the house. Well, not everyone. Amy was at home. Before I tucked Evan in bed, I told Amy her choices were cleaning her room and reading in bed. Once I was nestled beside Evan, I had to remain completely still and quiet. Noise and movement just charge Evan’s batteries and it takes him even longer to relax and sleep. Listening to the rhythm of Evan’s breathing, I knew that he was faking sleep and plotting his escape. I didn’t dare move. Then, I heard it. The sound of Amy singing songs that only she knows, crept under the door and I tried to ignore it. Then, the songs got louder and sillier. Evan started humming his own little happy song. I tried telepathically asking Amy to sing quietly, but of course, that didn’t work. Evan’s feet started tapping. I made a long, slow “shhhh” that sounded like a leaky beach ball compared to Amy’s singing. Slooooowly, Evan’s body relaxed, his breathing slowed and he fell deep asleep.

I tip-toed out of the room and stomped in Amy’s room. Before I could even get my hand on my hips in the lecture pose, Amy looked up from her toys and smiled at me. My heart melted into a pile of useless goo and I smiled back. Happy songs > Sleep

just being contrary

// October 17th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // kid quotes, preschoolers

Dad: “Quesadillas are ready!”
Me: “Who wants a cheese triangle?”
Evan: “I want a cheese RECTANGLE.”
Me: “No rectangles today.”
Evan: <- heavy sigh -> “I guess I’ll take a cheese circle.”

this wasn’t in the manual

// September 29th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // kid quotes, parenting, preschoolers

“Look, Mom! I found two balls in here.”
“Why don’t you build something with your Legos?”
“I want to get these out.”
“Those don’t come out. Now stop doing that before you break something.”
“I’m gonna pee them out.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t.”

boy post updates

// September 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // aspergers, preschoolers, school, teenagers

I gave Tommy some suggestions on making his politics paper’s topic more substantial. He went to his grandfather’s and they “discussed” the paper. Tommy called me and whined for an hour that he can’t write a paper without offending someone. I told him that it doesn’t matter what his topic is as long as he has some good stats to back up his argument. I even offered to get his Uncle in on a conference call so that he could hear opposing arguments and make his own choices. Progress made trying to convince Tommy to take a chance and write something = zero.

Noah‘s baby came home on a Friday and it was what people politely call a colicky baby. If you put the doll down, it cried. Noah held the doll constantly. The only time he couldn’t immediately care for the doll was the time his little brother ran all over the house, just out of reach, with the doll’s diaper clutched tightly in his hands. “Mooom, Evan won’t give me the diaper.” Sometime around midnight, Noah fell asleep and so did the doll. The doll never woke. We tried charging the doll, but still, nothing. I wondered if the school was viciously sending home SIDS dolls, but suspected that the doll had been programmed incorrectly. Monday the teacher confirmed that all of the dolls had been mis-programmed. Didn’t we learn anything from Westworld?

Evan came home from preschool with a fever today. I would buy him a pair of pink lace panties if it would make him feel better.

Dear future me,

// September 22nd, 2009 // No Comments » // clothing, parenting, preschoolers

I am writing this from ten years in the past, when Evan was only four. If future me is having a chat about Evan with his therapist or arresting officer, this date might be important. This is the date when I, err you, found all of Evan’s sisters’ underwear stashed on Evan’s little, crib-sized bed. If it was only the 7-y-o’s underwear, I would justify this behavior as proof that girls’ underwear is better, because it has all-over designs, while boys’ underwear only has a design on the back. Alas, the 16-y-o’s underwear were being claimed by Evan as well and big girl undies do not have cute cartoon characters.

If Doug’s, “That’s my boy” reaction turns out to be the explanation for the underwear collecting, future me is probably trying to explain to the police officer why my youngest son is a serial panty snatcher. On the other hand, future me might be explaining Doug’s reaction to Evan’s therapist and we may be looking for a cross-dressing support group for Doug and Evan. Either way, future me deserves a Grande Mocha and an hour alone in a quiet coffee shop. Future me might want to buy a lock for her underwear drawer on the way home from her coffee break.

Love,
Me