Domestic Psychology

deliberate bruises

// April 21st, 2013 // 2 Comments » // children

Once upon a time, first aid kits included snake venom extractors. StacheMan was in high school when he learned what they do.

Professor Teen learned about venom extractors in middle school.

Snake venom extractors are now passé. Professionals discourage the usage of the suction devices. Sawyer will probably never know that such devices exist. That’s just as well. This week, second grader Sawyer joined his older brothers in the self-inflicted bruise club.

Sawyer’s first hickey.

love

// January 16th, 2013 // No Comments » // children, pets

dreaming of wakefulness

// January 15th, 2013 // No Comments » // kid quotes, sleep

As I tucked the edges of the blanket that would soon be kicked to the floor under Sawyer, he asked me to lean close so that he could tell me something important. I tilted my head and put my ear near his face. Sawyer popped his arms out of the blanket cocoon and turned my face so that our noses were touching.

“Sweetie, mommy hears with ears.”
“I already know that mom. I need to tell you something now.”
“Okay. I’m listening.”
“Mom, I never fall asleep. I just sit in the bed waiting for it to be time to get out of bed.”
“I understand. Maybe you should make up a pretend story in your head while you are waiting. Put yourself in the book you just finished reading.”
“Cool!”

I put his clothes for morning in the cubby with his backpack. I put snacks in backpacks and checked the seasonal appropriateness of the outfit that his big sister had chosen for the next day. I went back to check on Sawyer.

The blanket was on the floor and Sawyer was snoring like a sleeping dragon.

Tales from the family bed

// January 6th, 2013 // 1 Comment » // kid quotes, sleep

Part one:

Sometime between midnight and two in the morning, Sawyer crawls in our bed to snuggle, twirl and steal blankets. It’s something he has always done. The only change in this routine is that for the past year, instead of immediately crawling between us, he stands beside sleeping Dad and softly whispers, “Can I sleep in your bed?” Now, Sawyer’s changing the routine again.

“When I come downstairs tonight, can I get in bed without asking Daddy?”
“Of course you can. Just crawl in and go back to sleep.”
“When I try to ask Daddy, he always jumps out of bed and goes, ‘Gah! What? Gah!‘ Then, you get woke up and I don’t like you getting woke by Daddy going ‘Gah!’ so, I think I should skip Daddy.”
“I agree baby.”

Part two aka The next day:

“Can we get a dumbwaiter?”
“Why do we need a dumbwaiter?”
“If we had a dumbwaiter, I could ride to your bed instead of walking down the stairs in the dark.”
“Maybe Daddy should put a laundry chute in and you could just slide to the basement every night.”
“That sounds awesome! Tell Daddy to build that! Today!”

Hello 2013

// January 1st, 2013 // No Comments » // children, flickr

Goodbye 2012

// December 31st, 2012 // No Comments » // children, flickr

2012 Star Hands

// December 29th, 2012 // No Comments » // children, flickr

Supertween is a super snacker

// November 23rd, 2012 // No Comments » // children, food

“I’m putting the leftovers out for dinner. Where are the green olives?”
“I ate them.”
“Where are the shrimp?”
“I ate them.”
“Where are the black olives?”
“I ate them.”
“Do you want me to fix you a plate of meat and vegetables?”
“No. I’m not hungry.”

I’m the Thanksgiving Grinch

// November 16th, 2012 // 2 Comments » // holidays, parenting

At some point, I need to crawl out of the quicksand of depression and fake Ça ne fait rien long enough to tell the youngest children that Starving Artist isn’t coming home for Thanksgiving because travel costs are doubled on holidays. After I tell them, I will resume hating myself for encouraging Starving Artist to take an extra shift at work on Thanksgiving. I should have told her to go watch the parade.

If you eat out for Thanksgiving, tip extra. Those employees probably have terrible moms, too.

NOT tactilely defensive

// November 13th, 2012 // No Comments » // children, pets

Me: “WHAT is all over your nose?”
Sawyer: “Cat treat. Watch this.”
Gimli: <- lick, lick, lick ->
Sawyer: “You wanna try?”