Domestic Psychology

it’s raining . . . something

// June 15th, 2010 // No Comments » // children, pets, preschoolers

Two large German Shepherd dogs give lots of love, but they also leave a lot of mess. One of our dogs hides in the forest to make her mess. The other dog? She doesn’t care about privacy or the perfect spot. She goes anywhere. Since she, umm, walks it out, it is literally everywhere in the yard. Since dog poo is magnetically attracted to shoes, when the yard becomes a stinky mine field, Doug does maintenance. Doug’s method is something of a mix between a trebuchet and The Shoveler. In one movement, he swoops the mess and catapults it into the overgrown forest. It’s not my favorite Doug routine, but it’s effective.

While the pretend children of sitcoms cutely walk around in their parents’ shoes and hats, real children copy their parents words and actions. The less desirable the words and actions, the more likely they will be imitated by children. Knowing this fact didn’t make it any less horrible when I looked out the front window to see the 5-year-old flinging dog poop while his 8-year-old sister stood beside him. “I found some more over here.” Unlike Doug’s quick fling across the yard, Evan’s method was to lift the heavy shovel full of dirt, grass and poop just enough to hoist it all straight up and above where he and his sister stood. The result was the first thing that I saw out the window. I stood in horror as it rained poop all over my children. Before I could get them to stop, they looked like they had been attacked by Mr. Hankey.

I don’t expect a sitcom life, but I don’t think reality show children do this kind of thing either.

Noise louder than thoughts

// April 29th, 2010 // No Comments » // parenting

Doug: “Why is every child in the neighborhood in our house? Send them outside before the walls crumble.”
Me: “I need the noise. The laughing, crying, playing and squabbling noise is important.
Doug: “As you wish.”

Doing it wrong – Dentist’s Office Version

// March 9th, 2010 // 5 Comments » // parenting, people

A few weeks ago, I spent an afternoon at the pediatric dentist. Based on the crowd in the waiting room, the staff was working with a full schedule of small, wiggly children. My personal goal was to keep Evan calm and cooperative. Sitting still is not his forte. In short time, we were called back for x-rays and cleanings.

Before we even made it to the exam room, I could hear the anguished whimpers of a frightened child. Stepping in the room, Amy and Evan stood and stared at the child begging to leave as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I don’t wanna be here. Please let me go home.”

Amy hopped in her assigned chair while Evan sat motionless for x-rays. The usual banter in the room was non-existent as everyone stared at the sobbing child. The mother of the terrified child sat at her side, telling her to hush. The hygienist silently tried to do her job with an unwilling patient while the dentist sternly told the crying child that she needed to cooperate.

I tried to distract my children with chit-chat until the stressed hygienist was ready to clean their teeth. Evan sat silently, but his eyes were fixed on the scene that everyone was aware of, but nobody could help. Amy’s forehead was scrunched up with worry.

The dentist didn’t have the girl scheduled for a mini-visit to a nearly empty office to gradually work her up to an anxiety-free cleaning. He made it clear that her next visit would be scheduled in the hospital under general anesthetic. The hygienists couldn’t do their job and they looked like they were seriously concerned the child might bite them. The mother was exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed. The child looked like she just wanted someone to pick her up and hold her tightly.

In what felt like a slow motion train wreck, I watched the mother’s “Hush now” become “shhhh” and then a hard slap on the girl’s leg. Shhh, slap. Shhh, slap. Over and over she hit the child while everyone in the room pretended not to notice. I sat paralyzed and did nothing. Several minutes or a few seconds later, I couldn’t tell how much time had passed in the swirling vortex of emotions that surrounded one scared child, the dentist said that they were done trying.

I finally found the courage to speak. “She’s going to …” I spoke too late. The girl sat up and projectile vomited several feet across the room. The hygienist stood up and jumped backwards as she shrieked, “Get her in the bathroom.” The mother scooped up the girl and nudged her toward the bathroom as the vomiting continued like an angry volcano.

The hygienists immediately gathered in a corner for some kind of impromptu meeting. The one who must have drawn the short straw came back and slowly gathered cleaning supplies. Suddenly, the girl’s mother reappeared and mopped up everything with the girl’s new-looking winter coat. The hygienist stood and watched as the mother ruined the coat that her hysterical and sick child would need in the cold February air. In a flash, the mother was gone and the room was silent.

Everything about the visit felt wrong. I should have left the appointments happy about my cavity-free children. Instead, we raced to get out of there and away from the chaos. I just wanted to hug my children. Tightly.

thinking like a 7-y-o

// December 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // kid quotes, knoxville

In the wee hours of the morning, I heard thunder and pulled the covers up tighter. Doug went to check for flooding and/or tree damage. Evan crawled in our bed for snugglies. When we all got out of bed a few hours later, we learned the noise was something worse than any of us imagined. The children listened as adults discussed it at the bus stop. Then, just like the adults, they tried to make sense of it. They just did it their own way.

“I think that house blew up because the rain got on their outside power box, but my friend C said it was probably cause somebody peed on the refrigerator.”

falling leaves

// November 11th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // fall

We live in a heavily wooded cove which becomes a leaf-glitter snow globe every fall. The young family next door rake their leaves daily. No matter what the weather, they calmly rake their yard and part of the yard of the senior cove residents. A lawn care crew appears once a week to spend several hours with leaf blowers on the yards of the senior couple and the two extremely busy healthcare workers. The neighbors peaceful leaf battle will continue until the trees are completely bare.

Then, there is our house. We have leaves a plenty for jumping in, rolling in and throwing. Whenever the leaves are dry, the children roam the cove with their little red wagon, filling it with leaves again and again. They take the wagons full of multi-colored leaves and dump them in our yard. They fill their arms with leaves and carry pile after pile to our driveway. While everyone else clears their lawn and driveways, we create slippery piles of bug homes. Need a leaf collection? Look in our yard. Garden lacking worms? Look on our driveway. Trying to film a video of someone doing a pratfall? Bring them over here. Leaves are trash for everyone else, but for my children, they are treasure.

Wanna take a baaaaath?

// May 4th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Doug, home, life, marriage, me, parenting

Friday night, Evan snuck a paperback book into the bathtub. The result was the reverse of a paper mache experiment. Saturday morning I cleaned out the mountain of paper scraps so that Sarah could take a 2-hour bath to get ready for prom. I had time for a 10 minute bath before taking Sarah on prom errands. Saturday night, Doug went to a sweat. Doug came home after midnight and took a bath. Sunday morning, I hopped in the bath for a casual weekend soak and learned too late that the entire bottom of the tub was a layer of sand from the ground at Doug’s sweat. Blech. I rinsed off, scrubbed the tub and decided to try a bath Sunday night after the children were asleep. Sunday, Noah came home from a weekend camping trip. He went in to take a bath before he went to bed. Later Sunday night, I went in the bathroom to make a second attempt at a bath only to be greeted by an inchworm who didn’t survive Noah’s bath. Yuck. I skipped the bath. Sarah had prom on Saturday night and slept most of Sunday. Monday morning, she bathed before school. I went in to bathe after all of the children were at school for the day. The bathtub sparkled and twinkled. Not because it was clean, but because it had glitter all over it. Ew. If it wasn’t thundering and lightning outside, I would take soap outside and bathe in the rain. It’s cleaner outside.

ice cream does not equal murder

// March 27th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // life, parenting, people, politics, TN

Several times a year and in multiple environments, I have to pull out the tired, old dinosaur statistic that murder rates go up when ice cream sales go up. Eventually, everyone will recognize that statistics are not enough. The “most single parents live in poverty” statistic ignores the fact that people with severe mental or physical health issues are far more likely to be single. Families come in all shapes and sizes. There is no “ideal” family.

If TN politicians really want to “help” children, they should not allow custody war parents to have personal lawyers. They should instead have a lawyer for each and every child and create an individualized custodial plan (ICP instead of IEP) that serves the best interest of the child. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to two or more people fighting over a human being.

FWIW – I do not recommend spending the morning researching pending legislation, especially if you are looking it up by sponsor. Waaaay too much pandering to extremists instead of helping all people. Why doesn’t HB0822 include discrimination against gender or sexual orientation? Oh, wait . . . a quick scan of the other bills answers that question. How exactly is he representing ME?

Wednesdays good/bad

// March 4th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // me, parenting, school, television, travel

Bad Wednesdays:
Drive to preschool.
Drive home.
Drive to high school.
Drive home.
Drive to middle school.
Drive home.

Good Wednesdays:
LOST

Great Wednesdays:
Everyone is FINALLY back on the island!

I won’t love, but can I like?

// January 9th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // parenting, teenagers

Teenage romances are practices for adult relationships. They are almost always temporary. Knowing this, how are we supposed to feel about our children’s dates? I know we can’t have the special person join along on all the family outings. Are we allowed to like the boyfriend/girlfriend of the moment? Is it truly terrible if I think the person my child is dating is amazing? Would revealing my approval of the significant other doom the relationship?

waiting is hard

// December 23rd, 2008 // 2 Comments » // holidays, parenting

One of the children who is old enough to know better went to bed at 8:30 tonight. Earlier than his school night bedtime, during his winter break, without prompting, he tucked himself in bed. Doug and I quizzed him to find out if anything physical or emotional was causing him pain. Eventually, his words revealed that he thought tomorrow is Christmas. As soon as he realized his mistake, he was wide awake and out of bed. Ironically, tomorrow night, the actual Christmas Eve, it will take me hours to get everyone calmed down and tucked into bed.