It fit yesterday

There has been some unauthorized growing by the children. Not one of them filled out the proper paperwork declaring their intent to have growth spurts. They completely disregarded the two weeks notice rule. Since the penalties for unauthorized growth are getting to wear shorts in the winter, the children don’t really take seriously my need […]

Whatcha wearing?

Yesterday, there was very minor kerfluffle because coverage of an event by our local alt-media included color commentary of wardrobes. Shoes and gender discrimination seemed to be the focus of the discussion. Deep down, it was a misdirection by the main complainant, but everyone chimed in and it snowballed into pie recipes. Anyone with a […]

They never fall for this

“Yes, it used to be ‘s, but this is a gender neutral . You’ll look fine.”

Get off my lawn – underwear edition

Not even during my pregnancies, did I ever wear granny panties. With that nearly tma disclaimer out of the way, I sometimes think that the evil accounting person who budgeted less fabric for Victoria’s Secret underwear has conspired with their marketing department to pull the greatest advertising trick of all time. They have billions of […]

First world problems – clothing

Living in the shadow of the mountains, our seasons are a month of winter and a month of summer separated by several months of beautiful spring and fall. The transition to our brief spell of winter causes mornings of shivering and afternoons of sweating. I’m sorry. I mean glowing. Every morning this week, I’ve dressed […]

just like daddy

First night: “Why can’t I sleep nekkid like Daddy does sometimes?” Second night: “Can I just wear jammie bottoms and no shirt like Daddy wears?” Third night: “Doug, I need you to start wearing panties and a gown at night.”

big girl underoos

Since candy and education are so controversial (who knew?), let’s talk about the clothing that women wear under their clothes. It had been more than four years since I bought new under the clothes clothing for my bottom half. The situation was getting to the point that it would be very embarrassing if I was […]

dramatic pauses included

The 4-y-o dressed himself in his favorite jeans and his favorite shirt. He went through a series of odd poses as he studied the clothing on his tiny frame. “Mom?” “What?” “I . . . look . . . awesome.” “Yes, you do.” “I . . . am a cool dude.” We have entered the […]

Dear future me,

I am writing this from ten years in the past, when Evan was only four. If future me is having a chat about Evan with his therapist or arresting officer, this date might be important. This is the date when I, err you, found all of Evan’s sisters’ underwear stashed on Evan’s little, crib-sized bed. […]

I should just wear jammies

When people connect me with Doug, they always ask excitedly if I juggle. My answer that I can’t walk across the floor without tripping on my own two feet never fails to disappoint them. Their disappointment is nothing compared to how I feel about my Jerry Lewis coordination. Tonight, I had one of those extremely […]