Domestic Psychology

“Awesome!”

// June 5th, 2011 // No Comments » // children, video

Random kid quotes

// May 8th, 2011 // No Comments » // kid quotes

Me: “What’s in your mouth?”
Evan: “Gum.”
Me: “Where did you get gum?”
Evan: “I scraped it off the street.”
- – - – - – -
Amy: “Are nuns real or pretend?”
- – - – - – -
Me: “Call me when the banquet is finished.”
Noah: “Okay. Bye.”
an hour later
Evan: “Why is Noah’s phone still in the car?”
- – - – - – -
Tommy at 12:40 a.m.: “Happy Mother’s Day!”
Me: “Thank you!”
Tommy: “Can I have $40 for Eve Online?”

I’m not Grandaddy

// April 20th, 2011 // No Comments » // parenting

Evan: “Can we go get Icees?”
Me: “No.”
Evan: “When Grandaddy picks me up from school, HE takes me to get an Icee.”
Me: “I’m not Grandaddy.”

After several days of repeating this exact conversation, the tactic changed.

Me: “Goodnight Evan.”
Evan: “Wait! Don’t turn out the light yet. I need to tell you something.”
Me: “What is it?”
Evan: “I want you to think about Icees. Then, go to sleep and dream about Icees. Then, wake up and think about Icees all day while I’m at school. After you thought about it all night and all day, then pick me up from school and take me to get an Icee.”
Me: “I will think about Icees.”

The next day, we bought Icees on the way home from school. As we left the corner store, Evan had one more thought.

“Grandaddy would have let me get a candy bar, too.”

- – - – -

Amy: “Do you have any change that I can practice counting?”
Me: “No. Do you want to play the coin counting game on the iPad?”
Amy: “What about the penny jar?”
Me: “Okay.”
Amy: “Yay! Grandaddy lets me keep all the coins I count.”

Boo-boo?

// April 9th, 2011 // 1 Comment » // parenting

The children were playing cheerfully, so I started painting another of the upstairs doors. As soon as I had paint under my fingernails, on my arms and between my fingers, Amy ran through the house in full panic mode.

“Mooooooom!”
“I’m painting, Amy. What’s the problem?”
“Evan is hurt! He has blood on his face.”
“What happened?”
“I dunno.”
“Can you get him in the house while I wash the paint off my hands?”
“Oh, he’s already inside. He’s playing Legos.”

The absence of tears from my very dramatic 5-year-old both concerned and confused me. Amy dragged her brother into the room where I was painting. I gasped.

“Take a picture and send it to your father so that he will come home.”
“Okay.”

I ran for a wet washcloth as my phone rang.

“What happened to Evan? Does he need stitches? Is his retina scratched?”
“I have no idea what happened. I’m trying to find out how bad it is. Evan, be still while I put this washcloth on your cheek.”
“Mooom, I was trying to build something and you’re gonna make me lose my place.”
“Doug, you don’t need to come home. Evan is fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”

I sent the fuzzy picture that Amy took to Twitter. Almost instantly, someone correctly identified the injury as red Popsicle splatter. They politely ignored the dirt.

Always my baby

// April 6th, 2011 // No Comments » // kid quotes, parenting

“You keep calling me baby, but babies are only one. I’m five. Five year olds are awesome! Five year olds are not babies. It’s okay though. I still love you even though I’m not a baby.”

Shopping with Evan

// March 27th, 2011 // 3 Comments » // kid quotes, parenting

Me: “We are here to buy your friend a birthday gift. We are not shopping for Evan today.”
Evan: “Okay.”
Me: “How about this? Would your friend like this?”
Evan: “That one is better.”
Me: “Then we will get it for your friend.”
Evan: “Nooooo. That’s for me.”
Me: “What are we going to get for your friend?”
Evan: “I guess we can get this one.”
Me: “Is this for you or your friend?”
Evan: “Me.”
Me: “The next thing you pick up is going to be for your friend and not for you.”
Evan: “Give him that.”
Me: “That’s a wonderful gift for your friend. Mommy needs to get some dish soap and then we will go to the cashiers.”
Evan: “No. You can’t buy stuff for you. We are only here for my friend’s gift.”

Evanism

// March 14th, 2011 // No Comments » // kid quotes

Me: “It’s starting to sprinkle. Please get the croquet set out of the street, the yard and the neighbor’s yard.”
Evan: “Amy got it out.”
Me: “Amy! Go clean up the croquet set before the rain gets here.”
Amy: “Do I get paid to do it?”
Me: “No.”
Amy: “Ooooookay.”

Five minutes later –
Amy: “Where do I put the croquet set?”
Me: “Put it wherever you found it when you got it out earlier.”
Amy: “I didn’t get it out. Evan got it out.”
Evan: snicker

Repeat daily

// October 28th, 2010 // No Comments » // kid quotes, school

“What did you do at school today Evan?”
“I went to *art.”
“What else did you do?”
“Worksheets.”
“Anything else.”
“Ate lunch.”
“What did you eat?”
“Something brown, but I didn’t finish it.”
“What else can you tell me about your day?”
“That’s too many questions. I’m done talking.”
“Okay. Thanks.”

*Or “music” or “the room where we get to paint” or “gym cause it’s the best place in the whole school”.

Ick. Ick. Ick.

// October 21st, 2010 // 3 Comments » // animals, kid quotes

Evan: “I buried the mouse that the cat killed.”
Me: “Thank you for being so helpful. You didn’t bury it with your hands did you?”
Evan: “No. It had some red stuff, so I ran over it with my bike to get all the red out. Then, I buried it. I used a shovel.”

be more specific

// September 8th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // children, school

Me: “Did you lose your clothespin today?”
Evan: “No. I knew where it was.”