Sawyer: “Why did he say cooked goose?”
Supertween: “It’s an idiom. He’s saying he’s in trouble and doesn’t want to get eaten. Did you know that some people eat geese?”
Sawyer: “Oh, I know. I only eat pig. Sometimes I eat cow, but mostly I eat pig.”
Posts Tagged ‘food’
Sawyer: “Why did he say cooked goose?”
Several months ago, someone used my credit card to do some online shopping. I wanted to figure out how it happened so that I wouldn’t repeat whatever allowed the theft to occur. I found it extremely frustrating that neither the bank nor the online retailer would tell me the address of the recipient of the things I didn’t order. Apparently thieves’ right to privacy supersedes my desire to learn from my mistakes.
While she was home for winter break, someone in New York was shopping with sparkly NY vampire teen’s bank account. I thought she would be worried about how it happened. I expected some drama about the loss of her small savings for living expenses in NY. Instead, she reacted with confusion at the thief’s spending choices. “They bought a bunch of new clothes and then they ate at McDonald’s. Why would they go to McDonald’s when there are so many great places to eat in NY?”
Upon returning to NY last week, sparkly NY vampire teen was horrified to learn that during the break, housekeeping threw away all the food in the college students’ rooms. “All my food is gone! Pop-tarts don’t go bad. Who wastes canned food? I was gonna eat that corn!”
I’m starting to suspect that sparkly NY vampire teen is perpetually hungry.
Please stop anthropomorphizing food. It does not make food more appealing. You have single-handedly taken all the fun out of many foods that were delicious BEFORE your genius advertising campaign. If you want people to eat your food:
1. Don’t give food a face.
2. Don’t give food a voice.
3. Don’t give food a personality.
Just tell me the food won’t kill me or let Padma Lakshmi eat it in front of the camera. John Barrowman would have the same effect.
Decoration Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day and Christmas memories from my childhood are connected to the extended family gatherings that happened with each holiday.It didn’t matter if it was at my great-grandparents’ house in Natchez Trace, the nearby State Park or my Great-Uncle’s in Martin, the event was about people and food.
Relatives who were round and relatives who were built like Jack Skellington ate the buffet of food. None of the children had food allergies. Even though the women were always on a “diet,” they still ate the same food that everyone else there ate.
The food didn’t magically arrive on our plates. It grew on family farms. It came from local livestock and game. It was cooked in home kitchens. Many of the dishes would make today’s nutritionists frown and shake their heads. We didn’t count calories or judge ingredients. Food was love and our stomachs were full.
We can’t reproduce those days. Or the food.
I spent almost an hour casually strolling the aisles of the grocery store. I marveled at the varieties of something as simple as milk. I looked at new products that may or may not have been food. I studied the changes in packaging and the subtle reduction of quantity in each and every prepackaged food item. I scowled at the shelves packed with artificial sweeteners. I drooled at the increasing number of fruits in season. I made certain that there was something in my cart that each of my children like to eat. I mentally calculated the food prep time in relation to each day’s schedule of activities.
Small children waved at me as we walked past each other. Adults smiled or laughed out loud and I imagined that they were kindred spirits enjoying the splendor of treasures that is a grocery store. The visit was surreal in its normalcy. Even the cashier and bagger were all smiles. “Did you make your necklace yourself?” I looked down and realized I was wearing the necklace that Evan made for me. (“You look prettier now Mommy.”) I smiled and explained that it was a gift from my 4-y-o, thinking that they already knew that. I was mistaken. “Well, everyone likes to make their own jewelry these days.”
As a rule, I try to always be at *home on school nights and be a part of the evening routines. As frantic as the evenings are, I can’t imagine not getting to tuck my children in bed at night. It’s probably much more important to me than it is to them. Don’t tell the children I still peek at them while they are sleeping every night. Tonight, I am making a rare exception and attending a meeting. Instead of preparing a healthy meal before I leave, since I really hate cooking, I’m leaving two boxes of organic mac ‘n cheese for the babysitter (aka the 16-y-o) to prepare. The question is, will she-who-shuns-organic prepare the mac ‘n cheese or will the children forage the fridge for crusty leftovers? Place your bets now.
*Why, oh, why can’t the social media folks have their gatherings on the weekends?
Me: “Evan, do you want some chicken?”
Evan: “With ketchup.”
Me: “What sound does a chicken make?”
Me: “Right! Would you like some green beans.”
Evan: “Put them beside the chicken.”
Me: “What sound do green beans make?”
Evan: drops to the floor and curls up in a ball “Bu-bu-bu-bu.”
Amy: rolling eyes “He’s so weird.”
Me: “Amy, what sound does bread make?”
Amy: crosses arms and glares at me silently
Evan: “Amy doesn’t know. Want me to tell her?”
The first time Sarah ate a meal BEFORE her date, I shrugged it off as teenage weirdness. Since then, I’ve noticed it is routine behavior for her to eat food before or after, but never while actually out on a date. I imagine her telling the waiter, “I’m not really hungry. I’ll just have a Dr.Pepper.” Her motivation might be a noble attempt not to spend money. It’s more likely that this is about food issues. Maybe she thinks it is gluttonous to eat a plate full of food. Perhaps she is self conscious about how she looks when chewing food. Could it be that she wants her date to think she never eats? Whatever the reason, this is one of those “choose your battles” scenarios. Risk making things worse by saying something or wait to see if this is a harmless phase? As long as she is eating, she isn’t doing physical harm, so I’m going to let this one slide. For now. I seriously have to ask if anyone has ever been fooled into thinking that their date never eats?