“Are E and I your rugrats?” “You’re my loin fruit.” “Ew! Mom! What is wrong with you?”
“It’s too bad this isn’t a three day weekend like last weekend. I wish every weekend was three days. You know my friend E? The one who has a pool? Well, it isn’t his pool. It’s his neighborhood pool. I like that pool. E made up a new word. It’s peenana. I bet you can’t […]
How to make children run away screaming while their arms swat at invisible bees: 1. Walk toward child slowly with one arm reaching toward the child. 2. Say, “I accidentally got too much lotion.”
“Today at school, I had to put together a presentation on my family. So, I copied a bunch of pictures from everyone’s Instagram and Twitter accounts. For you, I found a picture of you standing in the snow, in your robe.”
It’s been a few years since I left you to solo parent, so here are a few things to remember while I’m away for the weekend. Boogie wipes are not an acceptable alternative to bathing. The children require food more than once a day. If SuperTween’s outfit causes you to raise an eyebrow, make her […]
NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER TRY TO TEACH EVAN MATH IT WILL NEVER WORK HE DOES NOT LISTEN HE IS ALSO VERY RUDE&MEAN!!!!!!’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:( This weekend, I will be having a serious discussion with Supertween… about the caps lock key and only using one exclamation point.
As a child, babysitters during the daytime were extremely rare and used only for PTA meetings that couldn’t happen with small children running amuck. I remember vividly the baby sitter who taught us to make flowers with coat hangers and kleenex. I thought she was the coolest sitter ever and brought her every single shoebox […]
This week, I… talked about menstruation with my 9-y-o daughter, talked about childbirth with my 6-y-o son, and talked about HPV with my teenage son. Parenting is not for the timid.
Me: “Today is Carl Sagan Day.” Noah: “Who?” Me: “Oh, Noah. Get out your iPad and accurately describe Carl Sagan in 140 characters.” Noah: “Seriously?” Me: “Completely serious. Didn’t you ever wonder why your dad and I like to say bill-i-ons and bill-i-ons?” Noah: “No. You guys say LOTS of weird stuff.” You know that […]
That is probably the cleanest picture I took during my New York visit. I also like my less impressive, cell phone picture of the Bethesda Fountain. Neither picture is my favorite. My favorite picture was taken less than a minute after the sparkly Manhattan picture at the top of this post when I turned the […]