Eagerly awaiting my intervention

“Today at school, I had to put together a presentation on my family. So, I copied a bunch of pictures from everyone’s Instagram and Twitter accounts. For you, I found a picture of you standing in the snow, in your robe.”

Dear Doug,

It’s been a few years since I left you to solo parent, so here are a few things to remember while I’m away for the weekend. Boogie wipes are not an acceptable alternative to bathing. The children require food more than once a day. If SuperTween’s outfit causes you to raise an eyebrow, make her […]

An email from Supertween

NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER TRY TO TEACH EVAN MATH IT WILL NEVER WORK HE DOES NOT LISTEN HE IS ALSO VERY RUDE&MEAN!!!!!!’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:( This weekend, I will be having a serious discussion with Supertween… about the caps lock key and only using one exclamation point.

scapegoating tissues

As a child, babysitters during the daytime were extremely rare and used only for PTA meetings that couldn’t happen with small children running amuck. I remember vividly the baby sitter who taught us to make flowers with coat hangers and kleenex. I thought she was the coolest sitter ever and brought her every single shoebox […]

I answer their questions

This week, I… talked about menstruation with my 9-y-o daughter, talked about childbirth with my 6-y-o son, and talked about HPV with my teenage son. Parenting is not for the timid.

Carl Sagan

Me: “Today is Carl Sagan Day.” Noah: “Who?” Me: “Oh, Noah. Get out your iPad and accurately describe Carl Sagan in 140 characters.” Noah: “Seriously?” Me: “Completely serious. Didn’t you ever wonder why your dad and I like to say bill-i-ons and bill-i-ons?” Noah: “No. You guys say LOTS of weird stuff.” You know that […]

fuzzy pictures, clear memories

That is probably the cleanest picture I took during my New York visit. I also like my less impressive, cell phone picture of the Bethesda Fountain. Neither picture is my favorite. My favorite picture was taken less than a minute after the sparkly Manhattan picture at the top of this post when I turned the […]

Not our finest moment

Me: “What did I just say to you?” Evan: “Stop running. Blah-blah. Quit throwing stuff. Blah-blah. Sit down.” Me: “Thank you for listening. Now, sit down.”

Rules for our fair visit

1. You may not have a bunny. 2. Don’t eat the food that is spilled on the ground. 3. Crying will not change the height requirement for rides. 4. If you insist on running ahead, you are going to spend a lot of time waiting for the old people to catch up with you. 5. […]

They call me… mom

knock-knock “Good morning ma’am. We’re here to tell you about…” “It’s pouring rain out here. Where’s your umbrella?” “We’re fine. We’re from the…” “May I give you an umbrella please?” “No thank you. We just wanted to talk about the book…” “I’m sorry, but I need you to get out of the rain.” “Uh, okay. […]