Teens are funnier than toddlers

“I’m at the auto repair shop and they won’t accept my AAA card as payment.” “Triple A is not a credit card and why are you at the shop?” “I got a flat tire last night.” “Was that the first time you’ve changed a flat?” “I didn’t have to change it. The highway assistance truck […]

too old to Trick or Treat

“What grade is your child’s class?” “Which child?” “What grade is the class you are making treat bags for with this candy?” “Oh. Actually, I’m making treat bags for my children.” “Well … aren’t your children lucky.” Our family has a lot of fun with Halloween. So much fun that I can see how being […]

Boy doctors

Many years ago, I took my oldest daughter for her yearly checkup at the pediatrician. Harmless questions about diet, exercise and television were followed by a question about puberty. In response to the answer, the pediatrician glibly told my pre-adolescent daughter that “periods are nasty, messy things.” I spent the rest of the appointment mentally […]

need more Calgon

We have a pile of old, rusty paint cans that have too much leftover paint to waste. After seeing it day after day for several years, I decided to find a purpose for the paint. This week, the leftover paint from 2002′s staircase railing project became the new color of some kitchen shelves that have […]

How to dance like a 14-year-old

Step one: Girls dance while boys hide at the snack table. Step two: Girls physically drag boys to dance floor (and photographer). Step three: Boys lump together on one side of the dance floor while girls lump together on the other side. Step four: Brilliant DJ gets everyone to line dance. Step five: Boys and […]

Is there a Facebook quiz for that?

Other parent: “Our children are going to be embarrassed that their school is Title 1.” Principal: “I understand. They’re probably talking about this on Facebook.” Me: “Unless there’s a Title 1 quiz, I don’t think ANY middle schooler is discussing this on Facebook.” Other parent: blink-blink

she never eats (when I’m looking)

The first time Sarah ate a meal BEFORE her date, I shrugged it off as teenage weirdness. Since then, I’ve noticed it is routine behavior for her to eat food before or after, but never while actually out on a date. I imagine her telling the waiter, “I’m not really hungry. I’ll just have a […]

no guilt allowed

Dear Katie, You have given your children love and support since before they were born. You have done NOTHING to warrant any kind of guilt inflicted upon yourself. Stomp that feeling into the dirt and keep doing what you were already doing. Love, Cathy When we first become parents, we have prepared by reading 5 […]

Is it summer yet?

Me: “Studying for your finals on Wednesday and Thursday?” Sarah: “I have tests EVERY day this week!” as she said it, flames shot out of her eyes and my face melted off. I skulked off to lick my wounds. A few hours later, Sarah emerged from her room with a very wet painting. “I wasn’t […]

new OS for Noah

As I drove Noah to his middle school band concert, he talked about the songs he was going to be playing. No. That’s not an accurate description of our conversation. It would be more accurate to say that Noah spoke sheet music slang and I nodded my head while saying “mmhmm.” “So then, during the […]