108109309183944876

So, yesterday morning I’m trying to get myself and all four children dressed and out the door. I’m also trying to pack a change of clothes for Noah and all the equipment we’ll need for Girl Scouts. Doug calmly did whatever he wanted and then threw some clothes on and got irritated when I asked him to help carry a few boxes to the car. We didn’t get any chairs for the soccer game. Sarah got screamed at that she couldn’t have a drink and I let it go because I thought we were getting her a drink on the way there.

Anyway, Doug hops in the car and pops it into reverse and slams into my grandmother’s car which he has been using for travel. He immediately started cussing and hitting the steering wheel. He turned to me and in one breath blamed the boxes and I while emitting several choice curse words. He hopped out, surveyed the damage, drove my grandmother’s car straight through the lawn and over the drop onto our driveway. Can’t have been good for the underneath of that car. Hopped back in our car and backed out with his foot all the way down on the gas pedal. Screached the car as he turned around and sped out of our neighborhood at 85 miles an hour. Sarah and Noah were crying and Tommy looked like he was in shock. Amy whimpered and whined. I screamed at him to stop the car and although he slammed on the brakes at one point so hard that I smacked into the dashboard, he just paused long enough to curse at me before slamming back down on the gas.

We had planned on driving through for hot chocolate but Doug pulled in to the coffee drive-thru and then sped around it without stopping, mumbling “we don’t have time for this *#@!.” The children looked like they were devastated. When we arrived at the soccer field we were one of the only people there so early. Doug jumped out of the car with the car keys, opened all the doors and told us all to “get the @#~* out” and stomped away. The boys wandered to the field and then came back to the car because they didn’t know what to do with no coach and no Dad to help them warm up. I sat there trying to pull myself together. Sarah came up front and sobbed that it was all her fault because she was in the very back of the car and should have been watching out better. We talked a little and then went out to the field, none of us wanting to be there.

Doug came back at the beginning of the game and kept snarling at me. The other parents kept looking at us and I was very unhappy about the scene we were causing. When my parents arrived Doug walked to the other side of the field and stayed away from us the entire game. My father kept asking why Amy was so weepy and Tommy was so quiet and all I could say was “We had a bad morning, don’t worry about it.” My father pushed and prodded for details but I said nothing so he growled “It’s not fair for the kids to have to suffer because of you.” After soccer we went to Girl Scout bowling and I tried to forget the morning but honestly I was angry with Doug for being so frightening and scared that he would be losing his temper again at any moment. Doug has a nasty mean temper that I’ve noticed in all but one member of his family (hospital switch maybe). He never showed his temper until after we were married and although I never stop loving him, there are times when the children and I are very afraid of him. I think he is psychologically abusive and am certain that he was and still is psychologically abused by his parents.

8 thoughts on “108109309183944876

  1. “Doug calmly did whatever he wanted ” I worked hard to try to help the morning go smoothly.

    You are in constant “crisis mode” which makes things very stressful. You said we had to be on the road at 8:30 and at 8:32 you wandered out of the house and said “please put some boxes in the car” (the first mention of them otherwise they would have already been in the car); everything else was ready to go–yes, I forgot about the chairs. I was stressing trying to get to the drink shop and still get Noah to his game on time.

    I try to please everyone except myself. I’m going to stop doing that.

  2. i relate doug – communication can mean two things from two different people
    you and cathy are like me and jude
    i like to be organised and get out the door on time – if it was just me there would never be any problem, but there are also 5 woman to get going – i have an internal clock that recognises all the little things that can go wrong logistically in moving 5 woman anywhere further than the front yard for more than 5 minutes – in other words an excursion. when you throw timelines imposed by others into that mix, train times or soccer game kick offs etc then my internal clock gets a real work out. My inclination is to be early enough to minimise the delay that the inevitable mishaps and traffic snarls cause and consequently if everything goes well we are first to arrive also. however when things go badly we are still on time.
    continued…

  3. I was completely calm until the crash and you know it. You also know that I stayed up late the night before getting everything set out for the day. The boxes, papers, diaper bag and clothes were all moved to the couch so we’d know what to take. Your last sentence is just plain hateful.

  4. No. I didn’t blame you. I blamed me. And the ding that happened to the car should no longer be called a wreck. I can’t even find a scratch on the other car.

  5. This causes stress when extra unplanned for things – like the boxes – happen. when you then rush to get past that one knowing now you are 10 minutes behind your carefully calculated schedule and have to make up time, you do that by sacrificing safety.
    Jude on the other hand doesnÂ’t manage that way at all – maybe she can explain how she does manage – cos I have no idea to be honest. I do know that when I ask her if I can help to make it quicker I get given 5 minutes of tasks (in my figuring) and there is still half an hour of other stuff that needs to be done apparently.
    My solution has been largely to give up. I now state the time to be ready by and make it 1/2 hour earlier as a matter of course and hope we get out the door roughly on time eg 1/2 hour late
    I usually get told I am last to get ready but thatÂ’s because I know about the 1/2 hr extra and donÂ’t even start getting myself ready to go til 5 minutes left.
    If Jude reads this I am gonna have to add another 1/2 an hour…

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