Upon my death, there will be an immediate job opening.

Seeking to hire: Talking alarm clock for StacheMan. Must be available 24/7/365. Elementary level ability to tell time and simple arithmetic skills are required. Duties include around the clock announcement of the current time, announcement of time remaining until next scheduled activity and reminder of social norms relevant to current time.

Examples:
“It’s time to wake up and shower. You have to be at work in one hour.”
“It takes fifteen minutes to walk to work. You need to leave the house now.”
“You’ve been sitting at the computer for six hours. Please get up and eat something that can’t be stored in your desk drawer.”
“It is two in the morning. You need to game silently, since this is the time when people like to sleep.”

Compensation for job will include growling, snarling and insolence, followed by apologies and hugs. The hugs are top quality.