Category: crafts

Elementary school homework

Me: “I stapled my thumb and broke two fingernails, but I think Amy’s project is done now. How’s Evan’s project?” Doug: “I electrocuted myself.” Me: “You win.”

embracing the enemy

After being at war with glitter for years and years, I am conceding defeat. I am embracing the sparkly herpes of craft supplies. I shall now use glitter for everything. No pipe cleaner crafts at the kitchen table this year. This year’s ornaments will be objects glazed with glitter. I’m sorry birds. Instead of peanut […]

crayon use or abuse

Last week, I sat down to clean and re-pack the crate of emergency “supplies” that live in the van. Sarah wandered by as I emptied some nearly full coloring books and a box of crayons. “Can I have those crayons?” I said yes even though I was surprised that it was Sarah instead of Amy […]

Advent Calendar

In theory, advent calendars are an easy way for small children children to conceptualize the amount of time left until Christmas day. In reality, they are daily anxiety attacks for moms. Aside from the constant reminder that time is running out to sell a kidney and find the perfect gift for everyone, multiple children require […]

want to know a secret?

If you smile and say please, the pizza place that is named after a tile game will give you an empty pizza box free of charge. They are great for getting delicate projects to and from school.

I’m a dog person with a cat craving.

I love yarn. I walk down the yarn aisle and say “ooh” at the beautiful colors. I gently explore the different textures and say “mmm” when I find the silky soft yarns. The Happy Pooch in me want to make peace with the playful kitty within, is that possible? It takes every ounce of self […]

nostalgia

When I was young, my father brought home stacks of used computer printouts on giant sized paper that we used for drawing and crafts. Now that Amy demands page after page for drawing pictures and practicing words, I realize that everyone shreds their used paper. Rats.

it’ll be easy

Crafters who list directions for projects as “easy and fun” are evil brainwashers. Every time I see those words, my rational brain clicks off and I attempt a project not intended for someone who can only work in 5 minute bursts between children’s needs and wants.

glitter is evil

Dear Inventor of Glitter, I can think of nothing nice to say to you right now. Your product should be illegal to minors. There is no good way to clean your product and it stays around worse than meth residue. In fact, I am considering calling in a toxic waste clean-up specialist to remove the […]