Domestic Psychology | Archive

boy post updates

// September 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // aspergers, preschoolers, school, teenagers

I gave Tommy some suggestions on making his politics paper’s topic more substantial. He went to his grandfather’s and they “discussed” the paper. Tommy called me and whined for an hour that he can’t write a paper without offending someone. I told him that it doesn’t matter what his topic is as long as he has some good stats to back up his argument. I even offered to get his Uncle in on a conference call so that he could hear opposing arguments and make his own choices. Progress made trying to convince Tommy to take a chance and write something = zero.

Noah‘s baby came home on a Friday and it was what people politely call a colicky baby. If you put the doll down, it cried. Noah held the doll constantly. The only time he couldn’t immediately care for the doll was the time his little brother ran all over the house, just out of reach, with the doll’s diaper clutched tightly in his hands. “Mooom, Evan won’t give me the diaper.” Sometime around midnight, Noah fell asleep and so did the doll. The doll never woke. We tried charging the doll, but still, nothing. I wondered if the school was viciously sending home SIDS dolls, but suspected that the doll had been programmed incorrectly. Monday the teacher confirmed that all of the dolls had been mis-programmed. Didn’t we learn anything from Westworld?

Evan came home from preschool with a fever today. I would buy him a pair of pink lace panties if it would make him feel better.

college freshman reboot

// August 31st, 2009 // No Comments » // aspergers, school, teenagers

Today was Tommy’s first day at Pellissippi State. We’re treating it like his freshman year of college, even though he spent a year at LMU. Well, Tommy is treating it like his freshman year. Everyone else in the family is prepared for one very exhausting semester of push, push, pushing Tommy to act like a student. Last year, Tommy ended up hiding in his dorm room all day and playing video games all night with the other not-going-to-class freshmen. It was a very expensive year of the summer camp Tommy never experienced. Tommy made friends and had a great time. I saved a message in my phone from one of the many days when I sent him a message to check on him. “I’m good. Normal. Happy.” He was happy because he was hiding in his room instead of going to class. This summer, he spent an entire day at Vocational Rehabilitation for aptitude/career testing. The results said he would be good at picking locks. Umm, I don’t think so. So, we’re trying college again with a much, much shorter umbilical cord.

During registration, Tommy constantly pointed out the students that he recognized from his high school. After freshman orientation, he told me a dozen things that his guide had told him about the school. When we met with disability services, baby geese waddled by the office window. All last week, we talked about being a good student. Last night, he went to bed early. This morning, he got up and ate breakfast cheerfully. Everything looked promising. After dropping Tommy off for his not too early 9:30 class, Doug and I tersely snapped at each other all day.

I picked Sarah up at the high school and headed to pick Tommy up from the college. Sarah was in an unusually good mood and her details about her day distracted me from my anxiety. We arrived on campus and Tommy texted that he didn’t want my help in the bookstore. I understood that, but sent Sarah in to check on him. They returned to the car and I asked Tommy to tell me about his day. Tommy talked the entire ride home. He told Sarah and I ALL about the cafeteria choices and the quality of the food. It did not fill me with confidence.

Tommyism

// August 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // aspergers

“I wasn’t trying to see it, so it was just shiny colors.”

Wednesday quickies

// July 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // aspergers, parenting, preschoolers, teenagers

Yesterday, Amy and Evan disappeared in the creek that borders our yard. Molly’s barking alerted me that something was wrong and adrenaline fueled Doug found them before anything bad could happen. The children got a lecture that started at the creek, continued to the back porch where their muddy exteriors were shed and lasted through the entire bath. It could be heard a mile in every direction. After the world’s longest and loudest lecture, I prompted Evan. “When the creek is wet, what do we do?” “We play in the mud!”

At band practice, the high school students were acting like teenagers when a DRUM saved “the boyfriend” from being run over by a car. I asked Sarah how the band director responded to one of her students being hit by another one of her students. “Oh, she didn’t know until after she saw him limping during the routine.” I knew football players would keep playing with injuries, but I had no idea that the band had to shake it off after near death.

Tommy is scheduled to have aptitude testing at Voc Rehab today. He kept referring to it as OUR appointment and claimed it was from 9 until about 10. When I pressed for more information, he played a message on his voice mail for me. “The testing will last from 9 a.m. until about 3 p.m.” “Umm, I guess you don’t need to stay with me.” I started mumbling that he should pack a lunch and his grandfather chimed in with, “It’s downtown. There’s lots of places to walk for food.” I know he’s going to get lost in downtown Knoxville. I just don’t know how long he’ll wander before he calls us for help.

I am going to be out of the house for most of the day today. My day starts with an appointment at 9 a.m. and doesn’t end until after a meeting at 7:30 p.m. Doug is home alone with all of the children. All of the children except for the extremely helpful Sarah who is at band camp with a scarlet sunburn that she got while marching in pouring rain. Of course, Tommy is downtown with no supervision. Now that I think about it, I think Noah is in charge of the youngest children today. I expect an endless stream of text messaged hysterics today. They’ll be from strangers following Doug’s blog and Twitter stream.

virtual love

// July 18th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // aspergers, love, teenagers

Me: “You won’t find the person you are meant to be with if you never leave the house.”
Tommy: “I’m going to meet someone on WoW.”

Updated with a bonus Tommyism:
Tommy and a friend decided that they were going to a party. I got upset that Tommy couldn’t provide me with an address of his destination. Tommy couldn’t understand why it mattered. “I’m eighteeeen.” I tried to explain to him that going to parties is a new experience for him and that he needed to show responsibility with this new privilege. He gave me the “my mother is weird” look and I made a mental note to revisit the conversation again later. Three hours later, Tommy walked in the front door and handed me a piece of paper. The address of the party he had already been to was printed on the paper. “What? You said you needed the address and now you have it. Why are you looking at me funny?”

unbloggable

// July 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // aspergers, kid quotes, preschoolers

Barry: “The only thing she doesn’t blog about is her children sitting quietly.”

Actually, there is an increasingly lengthy list of incidents, behaviors and observations that I haven’t been putting in writing. Since I know that everything I don’t write will rapidly be forgotten, I need to revert to journaling the good, bad and everything in between. I already find myself calling for John Boy, I mean Mary Ellen, I mean you. Yes, YOU to clean up this mess you just made.

I allude to Evan’s speech impediment, but only when it’s cute and fuzzy. I have avoided the deep, dark family secret that when Evan and his sister are fighting over a piece of paper and the paper tears into several pieces, Evan shrieks, “I ripped it.” Except, what everyone hears is “ray-ped” and that means something entirely wrong coming from a 4-year-old’s mouth. Despite the inappropriateness of the situation, this never fails to result in smirks from the adults. This is immediately followed by Evan torture in the form of forcing him to say separate sounds and then putting them together until the word is pronounced closer to its’ intended pronunciation. “Now, say ‘ri’ and ‘puh’ together.”

I try to always have ice pops in the freezer. The plastic tubes filled with frozen kool-aid are inexpensive and easy, but they are also part of Tommy’s sensory diet. After eating one, Tommy has an elaborate chewing, fidgeting, folding routine with the wrapper that can help him stay focused for a good 3 hours. Unlike most foods, Evan needs help to get ice pops open. He would eat them constantly if they were easier to access. “Can I have a popsickle?” “After you eat lunch.” “Say ‘ohhhh’ and then say ‘kay’ to me.”

one of THOSE days

// May 29th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // aspergers, home, humor, kid quotes, medical, parenting, preschoolers, teenagers

Me: “Tommy, do you want to spend the rest of your life just playing WoW in our basement?”
Tommy: “I don’t think you want to know my answer.”

Sarah: “I have NOTHING to wear. I HAVE to have new clothes.”

Noah: “Umm, yeah, I didn’t tell you, but, I, umm, lost a part of my snare drum that you rented.”

Amy: “Where’s the gum I was saving?”
Me: “Where did you leave it?”
Amy: “It was right there. Where Molly is napping.”

Evan: CRASH! “Ow. Ow. Ow.”
Me: pulling the shelf off of him “Where does it hurt?”
Evan: “Everywhere.”
Two hours and one trip to Children’s ER later, we have been reassured that he will be fine. They decided against stitches on his cheek.

I can hardly wait for tomorrow.

Imagine 2 hours of this

// May 1st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // aspergers, teenagers, TN, travel, video

where’s the hitchhiker’s guide when you need it?

// March 25th, 2009 // No Comments » // aspergers, school, teenagers

We always knew that the group bathroom in the college dorm would be a problem for Tommy. It has been a constant source of annoyance for Tommy and the resulting poor hygiene has been the topic of far too many weekend conversations. Still, I was caught off guard yesterday, with just a few weeks remaining until finals, Tommy sent me a rapid-fire series of text messages complaining about the bathrooms.

“Ever since Spring Break, the bathroom is ALWAYS crowded.”
“I can’t even shower late at night now.”
“Too many people.”
“They talk in the bathroom.”
“You’re not supposed to look at other people in the bathroom.”
“I can’t do anything with all those people talking.”
“They’re mostly *foreign students talking.”
“I guess it’s different where they’re from.”
“We don’t do that.”

Tommy was worked up and having a tizzy over something that I can’t control. I tried to convince him to visit Student Services and just talk to them until he could calm himself. He wouldn’t do it. Despite dozens of e-mails, phone calls and meetings, Tommy still won’t use Student Services. He won’t talk to professors. He will not ask for help of any kind. After 18 years of being the center of attention, Tommy has connected succeeding with blending in to the woodwork. Apparently, life hasn’t been difficult enough for Tommy. Now he wants to make it more difficult.

*I don’t know what he meant by this. He might think students from Texas are foreigners. The middle of Asperger drama was not the time to discuss it.