Domestic Psychology

Food Brain

// January 31st, 2012 // No Comments » // food, teenagers

Several months ago, someone used my credit card to do some online shopping. I wanted to figure out how it happened so that I wouldn’t repeat whatever allowed the theft to occur. I found it extremely frustrating that neither the bank nor the online retailer would tell me the address of the recipient of the things I didn’t order. Apparently thieves’ right to privacy supersedes my desire to learn from my mistakes.

While she was home for winter break, someone in New York was shopping with sparkly NY vampire teen’s bank account. I thought she would be worried about how it happened. I expected some drama about the loss of her small savings for living expenses in NY. Instead, she reacted with confusion at the thief’s spending choices. “They bought a bunch of new clothes and then they ate at McDonald’s. Why would they go to McDonald’s when there are so many great places to eat in NY?”

Upon returning to NY last week, sparkly NY vampire teen was horrified to learn that during the break, housekeeping threw away all the food in the college students’ rooms. “All my food is gone! Pop-tarts don’t go bad. Who wastes canned food? I was gonna eat that corn!”

I’m starting to suspect that sparkly NY vampire teen is perpetually hungry.

fuzzy pictures, clear memories

// November 2nd, 2011 // 2 Comments » // flickr, parenting, teenagers

That is probably the cleanest picture I took during my New York visit. I also like my less impressive, cell phone picture of the Bethesda Fountain. Neither picture is my favorite.

My favorite picture was taken less than a minute after the sparkly Manhattan picture at the top of this post when I turned the camera toward my companions. The resulting picture is terrible and I love everything about it.

When Sarah left high school a semester early and moved to a city she had never visited, I was terrified. She was a 17-year-old from a small town in a large city with no family nearby. Unsurprisingly, Sarah thrived in her new environment. I don’t know if her school and the city create strong, independent young adults or if the school and city attract teens on the verge of dynamic adulthood. I do know that Sarah has surrounded herself with absolutely wonderful people. They have formed their own family. A family that makes my diminishing role in her life, comforting.

It’s their world now and they know it.

Not just any beans

// September 26th, 2011 // No Comments » // food, teenagers

Me: “Have you eaten anything other than funnel cake today?”
Girl Teen: “I just finished eating some baked beans.”
Me: “Beans?”
Girl teen: “Bush’s beans. I didn’t think I could buy them in New York, so I hid a can in my luggage.”
Me: “The luggage we shipped so you could travel to school on the Megabus?”
Girl teen: “Yes. I couldn’t imagine a semester without the good kind of beans.”

A restaurant or food cart every few feet and the pink haired teen is worried about being homesick for… Bush’s baked beans.

Noah says:

// August 2nd, 2011 // No Comments » // books, teenagers

Me: “How are you doing with your summer reading assignments?”
Noah: “I’m really enjoying The Prince.”
Me: “In what way?”
Noah: “The characters in The Prince are also in Assassin’s Creed. That’s pretty cool.”
Me: <- facepalm ->

conversation with a neighborhood teen

// June 2nd, 2011 // No Comments » // kid quotes, music, teenagers

He: “Did you hear there’s only one Beatle left?”
Me: “There are two Beatles alive.”
He: “Nuh-uh. George Harrison died.”
Me: “Yes he did, but there are still two Beatles alive.”
He: “Wow. They must be really old.”

sibling squabbles – teen version

// May 27th, 2011 // No Comments » // kid quotes, teenagers

girl teen: “Google it.”
boy teen: “My teacher says Yahoo is better.”
girl teen: “It’s 2011. Use Google.”

Leaving the nest

// December 11th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // parenting, school, teenagers

I changed my mind. It started when Sarah drove to Nashville with a friend for portfolio day. She came home with an enthusiasm and excitement about college which forced me to accept that she is ready. A realization that I had been ignoring despite the quiet cheering for Sarah from the allies she doesn’t know she has on Twitter. Sarah has a dream and it is my job to let her reach for it. She’s my baby, but this is her life.

In January, I am sending my 17-year-old daughter to college in Manhattan. I know more about the environment on Mars than I know about New York. She is going to a city that is a location for television and movies. New York is where celebrities live. It’s not a real place. I feel like I am catapulting my child into a foreign land without so much as a medpac or cricket bat.

It’s not just the unknown that frightens me. Sarah has never experienced a real winter. She doesn’t have the clothing for New York weather. How will she learn to live on her own when she doesn’t have the skills to function in a city? A really big, crowded city of people who don’t all have a family or friend connection is something she can’t possibly understand. A starving college student isn’t funny when it’s your own child and she is 720 miles from home.

This is what Sarah wants. Sarah has never been anything but wonderful. She is an amazing daughter and sister. She is a good student and talented artist. Sarah suffered in silence during the difficult times that Autism controlled our lives. She works hard to contribute to our home and harder to do her best at school. It is not unusual for Sarah to study until midnight and paint until sunrise. She does it all herself. Even in elementary school, she refused help with projects and insisted upon doing it herself. She has earned the school of her dreams.

There will be no ceremony, party or pageantry to symbolize the enormity of what is happening. Sarah is leaving home. When she falls, she will get up and keep moving forward. We are her past and her future is elsewhere. If we’re very lucky, she will come home for holidays, but she will only be visiting us. Sarah has a dream college and an infatuation with a city, but she is stubbornly determined to work hard and be her own person. She isn’t waiting for her dream to happen, she’s making reality her dream. She is already planning on a series of apprenticeships to find where she fits. I’m a weeping mess, but Sarah is going to be fine.

Hooray! Sarah is going to college. Wah! Sarah is going to college. I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m excited. I’m terrified. My heart is ripped into pieces, but I’m stashing a few of those bits in Sarah’s coat pockets. No matter where she goes, I’ll be there too. If the zombies get too close, she can toss my heart to distract them while she gets away safely.

too old to Trick or Treat

// October 26th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // holidays, teenagers

“What grade is your child’s class?”
“Which child?”
“What grade is the class you are making treat bags for with this candy?”
“Oh. Actually, I’m making treat bags for my children.”
<- begin disapproving tone -> “Well … aren’t your children lucky.”

Our family has a lot of fun with Halloween. So much fun that I can see how being told you are too old to trick or treat is more than a little bit of a letdown. I find the teens with no costume and a pillowcase funny, but I have seen and heard the way they are treated by others. The years between trick or treating and going to parties where all the females have costumes that include the word “sexy” are less than fun. Parents hover excessively and lecture endlessly in efforts to avoid dangerous teen behaviors on Halloween. Teens don’t want to take their younger siblings trick or treating. Teens want candy.

To make the transition easier, I have a standing offer to my children. If you don’t trick or treat, you get a treat bag from mom. I always make sure that each child’s favorite candy is included in the treat bag. I know that by the time they are 21, adult relationships and parties will be more important than a bag of candy. Kisses ARE sweeter than sugar. Until then, I make treat bags and store clerks frown at me for giving my teens candy instead of making the teens beg for candy from strangers. I don’t mind that kind of disapproval. I’m pro happiness and fun. And Halloween.

he vs she

// October 12th, 2010 // No Comments » // teenagers, travel

Boy teen and girl teen are going on Fall Break outings. Boy teen is making the ever popular ‘marching band goes to Disney World’ trip from Wednesday until Sunday. Girl teen is going to middle TN with a friend to tour a college, roam Nashville with other teens and experience the joy/pain of Portfolio Day. She will be gone from Thursday night until Sunday.

Girl teen is taking a duffle bag bigger than herself. She is also taking a canvas shoulder tote, a frog pillow and a large portfolio held together with duct tape, dental floss and chewing gum. Well, maybe not the floss and gum. Boy teen is taking the bag I use for overnights. Girl teen will return home having worn all 11 outfits that she packed. Boy teen will return wearing the clothes he left home in and carrying his tiny overnight bag full of clean clothes.

Neither teen will call or text home enough to ease my worries while they are gone. Both teens will have wonderful adventures during their Fall Break.

Trusting you with valuables

// September 28th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // school, teenagers

The household mailbox has become the girl teen’s mailbox. For the past few months, the percent of mail for her has dramatically increased while the amount for the household accountant has remained constant. Every day brings new brochures, catalogs and letters from colleges that are eager to have her as a student. While it is possible that she gets an above average amount because she is choosing two colleges, one for January and one for August, I suspect that this monsoon of paperwork is in every high school senior’s mailbox.

In my fantasy world, colleges wouldn’t market only to students. They would have packets of information targeting parents of 17-year-olds. Parents want statistics and policies from school safety and security departments. We want to know what student services have in place to identify and intervene when students are in emotional distress. We want to know that you can be entrusted with valuables.

Academics are the responsibility of our college bound teens. Safety is a different matter altogether. I want more than a text message when the campus is on lockdown. I want a safety net to reduce the need for those lockdowns. You want tens of thousands of my dollars in your school and community? Impress ME.