Santa’s boo boo

“People outside of New York who have called 911 on Santa is a statistically tiny group. Maybe you should *list it on your college applications.” *She’ll probably go work on an Alaskan fishing boat to avoid my transition from endlessly saying “put it on your application” to “add it to your resume.”

Like an undiscovered species

I like many Doug expressions, bit my current favorite is the one he makes when his teen daughter pivots on her heel and walks away from him. Bewilderment Doug is hilarious.

School mornings

High School Freshman one hour before it’s time to leave: “I don’t want to be late. Let’s leave already.” High School Senior fifteen minutes before first bell: “I have plenty of time. I don’t want to be too early.”

plumbing woes

A: “Is the upstairs toilet fixed yet?” Dad: “Yes. If you pee, push the inner handle. If you poo, push the outer handle.” A: “Whaaat?” Dad: “One flush uses half the water of the other flush.” A: Walks downstairs to use basement toilet.

Fun sized

SuperTween has always been petite. She wasn’t a preemie. She has no serious health issues. She simply never made it above the 10 percentile on height. Every year at her checkup, I asked if she needed to visit a specialist about her height. Every year, they pondered her chart for a millisecond before telling me […]

parting advice

As RenTeen approached the security gate beyond which we could not accompany him, his grandmother gave him a big hug and said, “Go and be safe.” Then, I gave him a big hug and advised him, “Go and have an adventure.” It is time.


RenTeen is going to London for Spring Break. While going over my checklist of errands and supplies for the trip, I realized that I left something important out of the preparations. I forgot to talk to the chaperones about what sometimes happens on airplanes when you have VonWillebrand’s. Me: “Has anyone going on the Spring […]