One Year

The one year anniversary of my father dying is the end of the year of ‘first time without’ milestones. The veil between reality and memories is threadbare right now. This time last year, he was standing right here. This time last year, we were all watching a movie. This time last year, mom called me. […]


Two and a half weeks remain until we say goodbye to the elementary school that has been a huge part of our lives for 15 years. Fifteen years of the same teachers, staff and classmates. Fifteen years of clubs and activities. Fifteen years of homework and tests and projects. All of these things exist in […]

I should/shouldn’t leave home.

Hairdresser: “Big plans today?” Me: “No.” Hairdresser: “Bigger plans tonight?” Me: “Nope.” Hairdresser: “Saving up for the weekend?” Me: “No plans. None. Zero. Zip.” < - I begin to wallow in self pity about my rapid descent to death when I sit home and do nothing. -> Guy in chair next door taking to his […]

late night conversations

“Are those tampons in his nose?” “That’s a real first aid thing.” “I know that. I packed them for ReadingNoah on one of our camping trips.” “Must not have been the desert camping trip. I’ve seen the pictures.” “No. That was the Packtowl nosebleeds trip.”

timing is everything

Me: “I’m going out to run errands. Need anything?” Family: “Nope.” I text home two hours later. “Heading home unless anyone needs something.” Text from child: “Nobody needs anything.” I come home, unload groceries and sit down to remove my shoes and read email. An hour later, I remove my bra and spend half an […]


The older he gets, the more familiar my father becomes with death. Last breaths at hospital bedsides, holding the hand of a neighbor internally hemorrhaging on the curb, waiting with a friend for professionals to remove their spouse from the home and endlessly facing his own mortality is my father’s life. Every time death happens, […]

just another Saturday

The weekends are the only time that I can get out of the house, but Saturday mornings all the children are home so, Saturday mornings are spent at home, surrounded by family. Late Saturday afternoons, we head out for adventures. This adventure began in one of my favorite places, Hippie Holler. Although serious decluttering will […]

stir crazy conversations

“Stop breathing in my face. I’ll suffocate from the used up air.” “Would you like me to sleep on the couch so that you can breathe unused air?” “We don’t have a couch. We have a love seat. We should fix that for when you won’t quit breathing in my face.” “Or when you are […]

ripping off scabs

I’m not going to tell the story of where I was or what I was doing eleven years ago. I’ve told the story enough. It doesn’t matter to anyone but me what I was doing. Stop asking. If you need stories, re-read the stories from the people who lost loved ones, from the people who […]

Bumpy Day

Hump Day. Wednesdays are the middle of the work/school week. It’s the day that sends us sliding down the hill toward the weekend. Wednesday is a metaphorical bump in the road. Sometimes, Wednesday is less of a playground equipment ladder to climb and more of an obstacle course. It began with a ringing phone, except […]