Every time I sit down to blog something, whatever I try writing ends up involving my dead father. I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried composing things solely in my head to see if it releases the memories into a magical void. It’s all still there. Maybe I need to vomit a billion words about it […]
I still can’t make it a day without reaching for the phone to send Dad a picture or tell him something. On his coffee at Hardees days, I still time my shower so that I will be dressed before he drops by the house. I still cry every time I catch myself doing those things. […]
My hair started to run out of melanin when I was in high school. All of my hair color now comes from a box. After decades of painting my white hair canvas, I found myself with a batch of color that had gone bad. Instead of being the consistency of good conditioner, the color mix […]
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My back hurts. I stepped outside of my house and my back fell apart. Technically, we spent the entire weekend on a friend’s boat. Still, I don’t hurt my back sitting in a chair reading. I only hurt myself when I try to DO anything. I think a few days of not doing is in […]
Hairdresser: “Big plans today?” Me: “No.” Hairdresser: “Bigger plans tonight?” Me: “Nope.” Hairdresser: “Saving up for the weekend?” Me: “No plans. None. Zero. Zip.” < - I begin to wallow in self pity about my rapid descent to death when I sit home and do nothing. -> Guy in chair next door taking to his […]
1. Open fridge doors. 2. Stare blankly at fridge contents. 3. Close fridge doors. 4. Return to step one.
Every extended family gathering: “You won’t die from an allergic reaction if you eat an onion, will you?” “No. I will vomit though.” “Great! You can eat around them.” Followed by: “Hey Cathy, want more onions? Ha-Ha!” And: “I put extra onions it, just for Cathy. Hee-Hee!” Making me physically ill is great and hilarious… […]
When I have spent too many days staring at laptop and phone screens, I get a dull headache and my eyes feel sunburned from the brightness of electronics. If I still have work to do, I take two Aleve and put on a pair of sunglasses. The rest of the time, I try to take […]
I would like to apologize to everyone who was forever traumatized by the sight of me flipping backwards from my tube yesterday. Actually, the pasty white, overweight, middle aged lady flipping was probably hilarious to watch. The horrible sight of me standing up afterwards, however, almost certainly made you drop your ziploc baggies of cigarettes, […]