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My back hurts. I stepped outside of my house and my back fell apart. Technically, we spent the entire weekend on a friend’s boat. Still, I don’t hurt my back sitting in a chair reading. I only hurt myself when I try to DO anything. I think a few days of not doing is in […]
Hairdresser: “Big plans today?” Me: “No.” Hairdresser: “Bigger plans tonight?” Me: “Nope.” Hairdresser: “Saving up for the weekend?” Me: “No plans. None. Zero. Zip.” < - I begin to wallow in self pity about my rapid descent to death when I sit home and do nothing. -> Guy in chair next door taking to his […]
1. Open fridge doors. 2. Stare blankly at fridge contents. 3. Close fridge doors. 4. Return to step one.
Every extended family gathering: “You won’t die from an allergic reaction if you eat an onion, will you?” “No. I will vomit though.” “Great! You can eat around them.” Followed by: “Hey Cathy, want more onions? Ha-Ha!” And: “I put extra onions it, just for Cathy. Hee-Hee!” Making me physically ill is great and hilarious… […]
When I have spent too many days staring at laptop and phone screens, I get a dull headache and my eyes feel sunburned from the brightness of electronics. If I still have work to do, I take two Aleve and put on a pair of sunglasses. The rest of the time, I try to take […]
I would like to apologize to everyone who was forever traumatized by the sight of me flipping backwards from my tube yesterday. Actually, the pasty white, overweight, middle aged lady flipping was probably hilarious to watch. The horrible sight of me standing up afterwards, however, almost certainly made you drop your ziploc baggies of cigarettes, […]
All of my weather apps were consistently wrong while I was in Manhattan. If my app said cloudy, it was raining. If my app said no rain in the morning, it was raining in the morning. If my app said light showers, sideways rain and flipped umbrellas were accompanied by flash flood warnings. My phone’s […]
My foot hurts. I’m not certain why it hurts, but it’s possible that it’s related to beginning the spring cleaning. Spring cleaning involves standing on kitchen counters to scrub the tops of cabinets, emptying the shelves from the fridge to crawl inside for scrubbing the walls and all the other stuff that is so unpleasant, […]
Once I aged out of the green and purple mascara phase, I stopped buying mascara. My mascara is now an ever changing supply of free samples, bonus gifts and giveaways. I don’t know how mascara manufacturers make any money when their product is given away like matchbooks in 1970s restaurants. Sometimes the sample is a […]