“Why is mommy’s phone in the fridge?” “So Amy can’t find it.” “No fair! You got to bury the dead bird, so I should get to bury the mole.” “Why aren’t you wearing underpants?” “They take too long to put on.” “What happened to your library book?” “Somebody ate it.” “Don’t make me sell you […]
Me: “What did I just say to you?” Evan: “Stop running. Blah-blah. Quit throwing stuff. Blah-blah. Sit down.” Me: “Thank you for listening. Now, sit down.”
1. You may not have a bunny. 2. Don’t eat the food that is spilled on the ground. 3. Crying will not change the height requirement for rides. 4. If you insist on running ahead, you are going to spend a lot of time waiting for the old people to catch up with you. 5. […]
“I’m at the auto repair shop and they won’t accept my AAA card as payment.” “Triple A is not a credit card and why are you at the shop?” “I got a flat tire last night.” “Was that the first time you’ve changed a flat?” “I didn’t have to change it. The highway assistance with […]
I recognize that our language is a living, evolving thing. The advent of social media has made it abundantly clear how rapidly it is changing. I readily admit that I had to google some of the jargon coming from Bonnaroo tweets and that doesn’t bother me. Young people should have their own dialect. The line […]
You know that absolutely amazing feeling that you have the first time your baby laughs? No matter how old your children are, hearing them laugh never ceases to make you feel… wonderful.
1. Scoot back. 2. Brush. 3. Bathe. 4. Show me your homework. 5. Unplug now. 6. Clean up this mess. 7. I love you.
Amy: “Mom! Evan’s on the trampoline.” Me: “Okay.” Amy: “He’s *naked.” Every window in the house is like a television whose channel can’t be changed, so I went to the trampoline channel/window. Tiny clothing was scattered on the ground in a pattern that could only be caused by tossing the clothing off of the trampoline. […]
Six days after Easter and two days after the storms, I found an Easter egg in the yard. It wasn’t one of the four boiled eggs that were not found. Wild animals probably found those. Wild animals is not a euphemism for my children either. No, I found a small yellow plastic egg with candy […]
Evan: “Can we go get Icees?” Me: “No.” Evan: “When Grandaddy picks me up from school, HE takes me to get an Icee.” Me: “I’m not Grandaddy.” After several days of repeating this exact conversation, the tactic changed. Me: “Goodnight Evan.” Evan: “Wait! Don’t turn out the light yet. I need to tell you something.” […]