Still feral

Amy: “Mom! Evan’s on the trampoline.” Me: “Okay.” Amy: “He’s *naked.” Every window in the house is like a television whose channel can’t be changed, so I went to the trampoline channel/window. Tiny clothing was scattered on the ground in a pattern that could only be caused by tossing the clothing off of the trampoline. […]

Random kid quotes

Me: “What’s in your mouth?” Evan: “Gum.” Me: “Where did you get gum?” Evan: “I scraped it off the street.” – – – – – – – Amy: “Are nuns real or pretend?” – – – – – – – Me: “Call me when the banquet is finished.” Noah: “Okay. Bye.” an hour later Evan: […]

I’m not Grandaddy

Evan: “Can we go get Icees?” Me: “No.” Evan: “When Grandaddy picks me up from school, HE takes me to get an Icee.” Me: “I’m not Grandaddy.” After several days of repeating this exact conversation, the tactic changed. Me: “Goodnight Evan.” Evan: “Wait! Don’t turn out the light yet. I need to tell you something.” […]


The children were playing cheerfully, so I started painting another of the upstairs doors. As soon as I had paint under my fingernails, on my arms and between my fingers, Amy ran through the house in full panic mode. “Mooooooom!” “I’m painting, Amy. What’s the problem?” “Evan is hurt! He has blood on his face.” […]

Always my baby

“You keep calling me baby, but babies are only one. I’m five. Five year olds are awesome! Five year olds are not babies. It’s okay though. I still love you even though I’m not a baby.”

Shopping with Evan

Me: “We are here to buy your friend a birthday gift. We are not shopping for Evan today.” Evan: “Okay.” Me: “How about this? Would your friend like this?” Evan: “That one is better.” Me: “Then we will get it for your friend.” Evan: “Nooooo. That’s for me.” Me: “What are we going to get […]


Me: “It’s starting to sprinkle. Please get the croquet set out of the street, the yard and the neighbor’s yard.” Evan: “Amy got it out.” Me: “Amy! Go clean up the croquet set before the rain gets here.” Amy: “Do I get paid to do it?” Me: “No.” Amy: “Ooooookay.” Five minutes later – Amy: […]

Repeat daily

“What did you do at school today Evan?” “I went to *art.” “What else did you do?” “Worksheets.” “Anything else.” “Ate lunch.” “What did you eat?” “Something brown, but I didn’t finish it.” “What else can you tell me about your day?” “That’s too many questions. I’m done talking.” “Okay. Thanks.” *Or “music” or “the […]