Amy: “Next time I get my face painted, I’m gonna ask for a mustache so people will think I’m a grown-up.”
Me: “Only boys get mustaches.”
Amy: “Nuh-uh. Lots of old ladies have mustaches.”
Me: blink-blink

Tomorrow is Amy’s 6th birthday. We celebrated her birthday two weeks ago when all of the cousins were visiting. We made a big deal about it and she was fine with it. Well, she was until I was tucking her in bed last night.

Amy: “My birthday is Tuesday.”
Me: “Yes it is, but you already had your party and opened your presents.”
Amy: “I know I did. You’ll still give me more presents on Tuesday.”
Me: “No. We agreed that you could wait or go ahead and you chose to go ahead and open the gifts.”
Amy: “I know you’re gonna have just two more itty-bitty presents for me.”
Me: closing her door and leaving “No. Good-night Amy.”
Amy: whispering “Just two more.”

Me: “You are a first grader now.”
Amy: “No. I’m staying in Kindergarten.”
Me: “No. You will be at the same school, but you’ll have a new teacher so you can learn new things.”
Amy: “No. Miss C is gonna hide us in our cubbies so we never hafta leave her class.”
Me: “Miss C was just joking because she loves you and will miss you.”
Amy: “No. She’s serious. We’re really hiding in our cubbies.”
Me: “Amy, you need to learn first grade things now. You will have a brand new adventure next year.”
Amy: scowling and growling “I am NOT. I am staying with Miss C forever!”

I would be worried about her kindergarten teacher being a sociopath if she wasn’t one of the best teachers we have EVER had. She quietly wove sensory integration into the daily routine, made every child feel loved and focused on each child’s strengths. Besides, she used to work on Sesame Street.

Sarah: “Mom? I have a question.”
Me: “The answer is no.”
Sarah: exasperated “I didn’t even ask the question yet.”
Me: “You are going to ask to spend the night with E.”
Sarah: “But, tomorrow is the last day of school and my exams are super easy.”
Me: “Congratulations on the end of school. You can spend the night with E when school is over for the summer.”
Sarah: “That’s not fair. You answered before I asked, so you didn’t think about it.”
Me: “I don’t have to be fair. It’s in the rule book.”

I’m so happy that it’s summer vacation. Summer rules are much more fun than school year rules.

Me: “You will look nice in a tie at graduation and every man should own at least one tie.”
Tommy: “Why? I’m never going to wear it again.”
Me: “What about funerals? You’ll need it for funerals.”
Tommy: “I’m not going to any more funerals.”
Me: “What about my funeral?”
Tommy: “I don’t want to go to that one either.”
Me: “Then, who will carry my casket?”
Amy: bursting with excitement “Me! I’ll carry it!”

“WHY does Richard Alpert wear so much eye liner?”

I think it has something to do with this.

Me: “What would you like for lunch today?”
Amy: spelling “I w-a-n-t a p-e-a…”
Me: “You want peanut butter and jelly?”
Amy: “…n-u-t b-u-t-t-e-r a-n-d…”
Me: “Strawberry or grape jelly?”
Amy: “…j-e-l-l-y. I w-a-n-t g-r-a…”
Me: “You are getting grape jelly.”
Amy: “…p-e j-e-l-l-y. C-a-n I h-a-v-e c-h-o…”
Me: “I will make chocolate milk. Please quit spelling everything.”
Amy: “…c-o-l-a-t-e m-i-l-k. O-K.”

Amy: “Mom, I made a grocery list for you.”
Me: “Okay. Let’s see what you want. Ice cream sandwiches, push pops, popsicles, kool-aid, bread and cake?”
Amy: “No. Bread cake. Like Daddy puts with strawberries.”
Me: “Oh. Angel food cake.”
Amy: “Yes! Go get it now.”
Me: “No. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow. It’s past bedtime. Not tonight.”
Amy: walks away grumbling
The next morning I stumbled upstairs carrying Evan and accompanied by the horses two dogs.
Amy: “Did you buy the groceries and the bread cake?”
Me: “No Amy. I just woke up.”
Amy: “You love Evan and the dogs more than me!” she stomps away

Motherhood. Insert knife and twist.

“Mom, guess when Iron Man is in the theater? May 2nd!”
“You know what? Iron Man.”
“May 2nd. Iron Man.”
“Guess where I wanna be May 2nd? Iron Man!”
“Don’t forget Iron Man starts May 2nd.”
“I don’t want to wait for my birthday to see Iron Man.”
“Do we have Iron Man tickets yet?”
“Iron Man. Iron Man. Iron Man.”

That’s all from yesterday. I wonder if Noah wants to go see Iron Man?

Tommy: “Granny, how do people make those?”
Granny: “I don’t know Tommy. You need to go look that up. I’m not Encyclopedia Britannica.”

Tommy: “Mom, why do they call this song Baba O’Riley?”
Mom: “I don’t know Tommy. You need to go look that up. I’m not Google.”