I had a telephone “chat” with the VBS director yesterday about her 3-page application form. She basically called me a bad mother (“I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to have the people your children come in contact with carefully screened and monitored.”) and let me know that while I was welcome to serve cookies (“If you still feel comfortable with our program.”) I would “certainly understand why she[sic] couldn’t approve me[sic] to work directly with children.” She single-handedly reinforced my feelings about the Baptist church. At the risk of being attacked by loyal church-goers I will state just a few of the reasons why I left the church after 30 years of involvement. I was a known trouble-maker in church with my often-stated opinions that contradicted with the Baptist theology. They ignored my beliefs on homosexuality, missionaries and other religions because I’m sure they felt they could reform my beliefs. In turn, I tolerated the ignorant, self-righteous individuals who told me almost weekly that my Autistic son needed some serious spankings. The final straw for me was when my husband of nine years informed me that he needed “time for himself” and he was “tired of everything being about the kids”. I guess the drinking after work every day and all nighters in chat rooms and on cyber-porn sites wasn’t enough about him. I was then advised by my church minister to “let him sow his wild oats and wait for him to return”. I got no sympathy, only lectures about being a good wife and standing by my man even when he wasn’t there. They gave my ex the same stupid speech too. When he received divorce papers a year and a half after he left (he was living with another woman at that point), he called me up and furiously screamed that I was “supposed to wait for him”. I don’t go to church any more.
fortunately you cant judge all churches by one bad one
i have been in some absolute doozies.
now we are in a great church – which happens to be baptist – but not the southern baptist i think you guys belonged to
basically you need to find a church that has people in it who take you for who you are not what they want you to be.
that attitude is shallow and not at all biblical
try reading real live preacher – link in my blogroll
I am so sorry you had that experience. You are not alone. A lot of churches seem to be so rule-bound that individuals get lost.
I don’t blame you. That is unfortunately an all too common experience for many people. No, the church isn’t perfect, but it has clearly been used as a tool for oppression of many groups of people. I struggled for a long time with leaving my Baptist roots. i didn’t go very far, being Methodist now. I’ve learned to ignore some things and that helps too. A lot of churches have finally gotten a clue and are reaching out to families with special needs children as well
What I love about your blog is that you share these experiences with us all. Religion is such a personal matter. I admire you for standing up for your beliefs, for advocating tolerance towards others and for sticking by your son. I think that spiritual maturity begins when you start thinking for yourself. Jesus was also a trouble-maker and Buddha had more than a few problems with Hindu ortodoxy, especially the caste system, so I guess that you’re following in the right footsteps. In the end I guess it’s only the kindness and love we give that matters although I know that sounds pretty corny. I don’t go to church or to a meditation group anymore either–Buddhists can be prone to ‘guru worship’ which can be really frightening. But part of me would like to feel more connected with others.