Doug and I are HUGE fans of Kristyk. If Blogher had scholarships, Kristyk and I would sit under a table together and watch the blog celebrities party. Today, Kristyk posted a quote that Doug and I talked about for hours.
“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible – the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”Virginia Satir
I have always heard that the number one topic of arguments in marriage is money. Doug and I don’t argue about money. We are pretty much in the same place on the topics of money, sex, life and politics (although Doug likes conspiracy theories more than I). When we disagree, it is almost always about parenting. Even the arguments that look like they are about something else, end up being about parenting, even if it is about how we were parented rather than how we are parenting. We do differ in our way of arguing. He likes to have a tantrum and then let it go. I like to discuss it to death. Personality differences or gender differences? Doug struggles with knowing in his heart how to be a nurturing parent, while his head fights the urge to say things like “There are no accidents.” We end up playing good cop/bad cop when it comes to discipline and neither of us like this arrangement. The fact that I brought children into our marriage does not play a part in the parenting arguments. He treats all of the children with the same love and care. He IS their father. He is there for the holidays, the activities, the school meetings and the sicknesses. He is there for them every moment of every day and will almost always stop whatever he is doing to give them his attention. It is not always easy, but while nurturing our children, we are nurturing each other. I believe that our children know they are the focus of our lives. We are busy, loud, messy and silly but we enjoy life. It might be nice to struggle less financially, but the time we spend with the children is much more valuable than any stuff money can buy.