My father loves to talk about his eventual death. I would like to blame this on his circle of friends since every single time I visit his Sunday school class someone is doing the “heaven is going to be so much better than being alive” cheer, but I think his own parents used to behave similarly. For several years now, my father has made a point of saying things like “this may be the last time we’re all together” at every family gathering or the ever popular “this could be the last time you’ll get to see me” which he uses to entice all of his children to visit him. Right now he has pneumonia and if he declares that he’s “not gonna make it” one more time, I think my Mother will kill him. Apparently he is now trying to find a way to make sure he is part of our lives after his death. He has realized that none of his children (including me) visit the graves of his parents, so he thinks the solution is to be cremated and kept in my brothers’ or my home. He even suggested that we share “custody” and take turns having his ashes visit. Only wealthy people with huge financial estates get to manipulate their descendants from the grave. If my father is cremated, I’m dumping his ashes in Neyland Stadium.
I don’t think he liked me asking if we had to wait for him to pass before cremating him.
I told him I had seen people being burned (the ghats in Varanasi) and that I would agree to keep his ashes on one condition: I get to be the guy who takes a big pole and pops his head so it doesn’t explode.
He said he would no longer consider cremation.
I will have to loan him my copy of ‘Stiff’ so he can read about what happens to bodies after burial.