After being at war with glitter for years and years, I am conceding defeat. I am embracing the sparkly herpes of craft supplies. I shall now use glitter for everything.

No pipe cleaner crafts at the kitchen table this year. This year’s ornaments will be objects glazed with glitter. I’m sorry birds. Instead of peanut butter and birdseed, we’re putting glitter on the pine cone harvest. Don’t waste hours carefully draping individual strands of tinsel when you can spend minutes throwing fistfuls of glitter on the tree. Gifts will be decorated with double stick tape and glitter instead of ribbon. The cat will leave sparkly dog snacks in the litter box instead of requiring intervention to remove the undigested curly ribbon.

Glitter is physically impossible to clean, so I’m putting away the broom and 409. There’s a pile of dog hair under the couch? Lightly dust it with glitter. Dropped an egg in the kitchen? Apply glitter liberally until the mess is replaced with a pool of metallic color. Glitter makes everything look better.

The best thing about glitter is that it is the gift that keeps giving. Everyone who visits our house will get that special sparkle to spread in their own cars, homes, clothing, hair . . .