On October first, the big off-brand Rubbermaid style buckets get dragged up from the basement so that the children can scatter bats and skulls and assorted Halloween decorations all over the house. When November arrives and it is time to pack it away, a few favorites will become part of the permanent house decor. We’re […]
Before the nice woman with a bottomless home repair budget bought the house next door, it was rental income for a harmless curmudgeon. One of the many, many renters over the years broke her lease because the house was haunted. New owner’s smudging seems to have relocated the ghost(s) to our house. This morning, our […]
I’m going to get up in the morning at a time when nocturnal people should be in bed. I’m going to get food started and go back to bed. Nobody, especially the husband, had better wake me with the sound of rip saws, power screwdrivers, wires being snaked in drywall, fuse boxes slamming or screams […]
Somewhere in my husband’s brain, the code for cleaning has been overwritten by the code for home repair and renovation projects can be fixed only by HopkinsandPorter.com. Can someone please patch it with a holiday loophole to correct this program on major holidays?
He: “I have one day available before Thanksgiving company arrives. What would you like me to focus on getting done?” She: “The bathroom and kitchen need scrubbing. I’d like a driver for the grocery shopping so I don’t have to deal with the chaos of the grocery store parking lot.” He: “I was thinking of […]
She: “Don’t step in front of the camera if you are going to run around the house like that.” Ten minutes later, child dancing in underwear has no memory of the camera conversation. She: “Don’t forget the camera.” He: “If I don’t care about open windows, why would I care about our cameras?” I can’t […]
He: “I’m turning the water off and draining the old tank now.” She: “Everybody shower. Quickly! We won’t have water for a week. Fill the water bowls. Move it!” I love home repairs and improvements when they are complete enough for the tools to go back in the cabinets. Getting to that stage is somewhat […]
“I want a bamboo forest behind the house that blocks out all light and heat.” “You want a dark forest in our backyard?” “Yes!” “Will it have the usual inhabitants?” “Yes, but they’ll keep to the forest. Actually, I want to live in a castle.” “I’ll get right on that.”
Doug took the week off to get coding done on his second job. On Sunday, I got a nail in my tire and he had to spend Monday waiting on a replacement tire. On Monday, a breaker started tripping every time I used the dryer. The house has become sentient and it is a NEEDY […]