Sawyer: “Why did he say cooked goose?” Supertween: “It’s an idiom. He’s saying he’s in trouble and doesn’t want to get eaten. Did you know that some people eat geese?” Sawyer: “Oh, I know. I only eat pig. Sometimes I eat cow, but mostly I eat pig.”
Sawyer: “Are you wearing a bra today?” Me: “Why?” Sawyer: “If you don’t wear a bra, your boobies get tangled up in your shirt and that hurts. A bra makes your boobies look smooth instead of bumpy.” Me: “My breasts are bumpy?” Sawyer: “It’s okay Mommy. I’ll snuggle with you anyway.”
Evan: “How old were you when you ate chocolate covered ants for the first time?” Me: “I have never eaten chocolate covered ants.” Evan: “I was thinking about chocolate covered ants. When they kill the ants, the ants get all bloody. Then, they put chocolate on top of bloody ants. So really, you are eating […]
The 6-y-o is angry with me because he doesn’t have a nickname. “Lots of people don’t have nicknames. I don’t have a nickname.” “Yes you do! Your nickname is Cathy.” “What do you think my real name is?” “Mommy.”
Evan: “I love you so much I had to write your name.” Me: “Thank you. I love you, too. Can I see your writing?” Evan: “Sure. It’s in the bathroom. I wrote it on the counter, but I used your toothpaste cause you don’t like it when I waste mine.”
Me: “We will leave as soon as I go potty.” Evan: “Okay, but only go pee. Poop takes too long.”
“The lawn needs mowing again and there are so many weeds, you could host the weed eaters central competition here.” “If our yard was flowers instead of grass, would I still have to mow every week?” “No, you wouldn’t. Get out there and start planting flowers.” “Wait. What?”
Doug: “Do you want to go out for Valentine’s Day? You know, like an actual date?” Me: “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it.” Noah: “That’s good because, Dad and I scheduled a Boy Scout meeting for that night.”
“We are never moving to Texas or anywhere. I never want to leave our house.” Prior to this week’s construction, Evan would periodically claim that our house is “too broken.” It was. In the winter, you could stand outside and watch the heat escaping the house. Inside the house, there was a noticeable breeze from […]
“When I grow up, I’m gonna be a cool dude rapper with lots of girls liking me.” Since he was a toddler, the child who is so pale he gets a sunburn while fully clothed has pointed at male teens and twenty-somethings with dark skin and loudly declared them to be cool dudes. I never […]