Me: “Today is Carl Sagan Day.” Noah: “Who?” Me: “Oh, Noah. Get out your iPad and accurately describe Carl Sagan in 140 characters.” Noah: “Seriously?” Me: “Completely serious. Didn’t you ever wonder why your dad and I like to say bill-i-ons and bill-i-ons?” Noah: “No. You guys say LOTS of weird stuff.” You know that […]
“Why is mommy’s phone in the fridge?” “So Amy can’t find it.” “No fair! You got to bury the dead bird, so I should get to bury the mole.” “Why aren’t you wearing underpants?” “They take too long to put on.” “What happened to your library book?” “Somebody ate it.” “Don’t make me sell you […]
Me: “What did I just say to you?” Evan: “Stop running. Blah-blah. Quit throwing stuff. Blah-blah. Sit down.” Me: “Thank you for listening. Now, sit down.”
Amy: “My teacher says that soap gets the germs off your hands, but antibacterial stuff kills them and leaves them there.” Sarah: “So, if you don’t use soap, you have zombie germs on your hands.”
“If I go to your bed now, I won’t have to walk downstairs in the middle of the night to crawl between you and daddy.”
Noah: “I talked to the Mayor on Friday and today I met the Superintendent.” Me: “How did you meet the Super?” Noah: “Well, I didn’t know you pull the cord to make the trolley stop, so, I missed my bus stop and got to school late. When I went in the office, the Principal was […]
“Please blow your nose Evan.” “I don’t have any boogers. I only have webs.” “Blow out the webs before a spider crawls in your nose.” “I want spiders in my nose! Then, I can shoot webs at people. Pew-pew-pew!”
“Evan! What are you doing?” “Spitting out my watermelon seeds.” “Why are you spitting them on the living room floor?” “Dad told me not to swallow them.”
“I’m at the auto repair shop and they won’t accept my AAA card as payment.” “Triple A is not a credit card and why are you at the shop?” “I got a flat tire last night.” “Was that the first time you’ve changed a flat?” “I didn’t have to change it. The highway assistance with […]
He: “Did you hear there’s only one Beatle left?” Me: “There are two Beatles alive.” He: “Nuh-uh. George Harrison died.” Me: “Yes he did, but there are still two Beatles alive.” He: “Wow. They must be really old.”