“There’s only one way to eat leftover fried chicken and that is cold. Stop asking me if I want it heated up. Blasphemer.” I love that man. He pushes all the right buttons.
Didn’t get a self esteem enhancing tattoo. Didn’t get to admire the Tattoo Con artists like a live art museum. No surprise tickets to a book convention. The entirety of our anniversary celebration was me reading a book while the husband juggled with scary clowns. A guy dressed like a 13-y-o going trick or treating […]
Young couples wear matching t-shirts. From there, they move to matching sweaters. Before long, it’s matching sweatsuits and sneakers. Doug and I are strange. We wear matching undies. Which is all fine and good because it amuses us without bothering anyone else. Usually. At an event with a group consisting mainly of women my age […]
“What did Doug do for Valentine’s Day?” Last week, Norovirus took us down one by one. Before Doug was fully recovered, I became a disgusting ooze of body grossness. Doug scrubbed the germy bathroom. He got up in the middle of the night and made snow cone ice when I was feverish and dehydrated. He […]
“It’s asking if we want regular commercial breaks or a single four minute ad at the beginning.” “What? When did it start asking this? Why do we have to make decisions that don’t matter?” “It started doing that now. This is a no-brainer. Let’s get the commercial out of the way. It’s a no-lose scenario.” […]
He: “Don’t forget mustard. We’ve been out since the fridge died.” She: “We’re out of all canned vegetables except peas.” We bought peas. We didn’t buy mustard.
“Are those tampons in his nose?” “That’s a real first aid thing.” “I know that. I packed them for ReadingNoah on one of our camping trips.” “Must not have been the desert camping trip. I’ve seen the pictures.” “No. That was the Packtowl nosebleeds trip.”
Monday – He: “Do you realize that you look terrified every time I lean in to kiss you lately?” She: “That’s because I’m bracing myself to be electrocuted.” Tuesday – He: leans in for a kiss She: reaches out, puts her hand on his cheek and smiles He: “My wife, the grounding strip.” Best kiss […]
He: “Would you like a pink fitbit?” She: “I’m really more of a black girl.” He: “!”
“I couldn’t go with you to check the noise. I was paralyzed with fear.” “You didn’t HAVE to be.” “By definition, yes, yes I did.”