super chill

Today was wonderful. All the children were home. My mother was here. We talked, ate, talked more and laughed. I felt no anxiety. I rolled with problems. It was perfect, I think that when I decided to buy kratom to control my anxiety and stress levels, I was actually making one of the best decisions. […]

Vroom Vroom

I spend an inordinate amount of time in the car. I drive the children here and there. I retrieve the children from hither and yon. I sit in carpool lines. I drive to and from the grocery and the big, red bullseye store. I spend so much time in the car that I have wished […]

Googlephobic

The oldest child takes routines, rituals and tradition to heart. He never misses a visit to the county fair. This year, we didn’t have the free passes that made the fair slightly less expensive, so I thought he might opt out of going. I was wrong. He needed that fair visit. I dropped him off […]

what to wear

Did I interact with other adults like a normal human being yesterday or did I spend the entire day sitting in carpool lines and shuttling children to/from activities? If mom taxi solitude, then wear yesterday’s outfit again. Of course, if yesterday’s outfit was the only thing that kept my sweat soaked back from sticking to […]

like being haunted

Every time I sit down to blog something, whatever I try writing ends up involving my dead father. I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried composing things solely in my head to see if it releases the memories into a magical void. It’s all still there. Maybe I need to vomit a billion words about it […]

now I talk to myself

I still can’t make it a day without reaching for the phone to send Dad a picture or tell him something. On his coffee at Hardees days, I still time my shower so that I will be dressed before he drops by the house. I still cry every time I catch myself doing those things. […]

hair color

My hair started to run out of melanin when I was in high school. All of my hair color now comes from a box. After decades of painting my white hair canvas, I found myself with a batch of color that had gone bad. Instead of being the consistency of good conditioner, the color mix […]

Ouch

My back hurts. I stepped outside of my house and my back fell apart. Technically, we spent the entire weekend on a friend’s boat. Still, I don’t hurt my back sitting in a chair reading. I only hurt myself when I try to DO anything. I think a few days of not doing is in […]