No ink

When I was 14, I began defying all the controls of the conservative Christian environment that was trying to force my round peg to fit their square holes. I physically fought to be real in a world of facades. My one concession to the rules and expectations placed upon my gender was that I didn’t […]

weaponized haircare

“I can smell your flat iron.” < - raises flat iron to nose for sniff test -> “Ow!” I’ve burned fingers and earlobes with the flat iron a million times, but burning my own nose was a first that I hope will also be a last.

hairdon’t

I cancelled three hair appointments in November. The cancellations were due to the husband having meetings, social dates and hot yoga classes that he didn’t tell me about in advance. The appointment given to a child turned out to be so expensive that I didn’t even try to get my hair cut again until December. […]

parade-isms

The husband and children are going to be in a parade this weekend. They’ve been in local parades and parades in much bigger cities. They’ve been in so many parades that they are parade professionals. They know the hurry up and wait rhythm and they know the funny wrist wave. I have been in exactly […]

super chill

Today was wonderful. All the children were home. My mother was here. We talked, ate, talked more and laughed. I felt no anxiety. I rolled with problems. It was perfect, I think that when I decided to buy kratom to control my anxiety and stress levels, I was actually making one of the best decisions. […]

Vroom Vroom

I spend an inordinate amount of time in the car. I drive the children here and there. I retrieve the children from hither and yon. I sit in carpool lines. I drive to and from the grocery and the big, red bullseye store. I spend so much time in the car that I have wished […]

Googlephobic

The oldest child takes routines, rituals and tradition to heart. He never misses a visit to the county fair. This year, we didn’t have the free passes that made the fair slightly less expensive, so I thought he might opt out of going. I was wrong. He needed that fair visit. I dropped him off […]

what to wear

Did I interact with other adults like a normal human being yesterday or did I spend the entire day sitting in carpool lines and shuttling children to/from activities? If mom taxi solitude, then wear yesterday’s outfit again. Of course, if yesterday’s outfit was the only thing that kept my sweat soaked back from sticking to […]

like being haunted

Every time I sit down to blog something, whatever I try writing ends up involving my dead father. I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried composing things solely in my head to see if it releases the memories into a magical void. It’s all still there. Maybe I need to vomit a billion words about it […]