Core Memory

Our garage door doesn’t always work correctly. I could ask the husband to explain exactly what is wrong with the door, but then I would get a lengthy diatribe on the history of garage doors, theoretical mechanics, how we should be using invisible force fields instead of doors and blah, blah, blah. Let’s just say […]

stupid human tricks

“You’ve trained the cats to beg for food from your dinner plate.” “At least they aren’t raccoons.” “I accidentally cracked my phone screen, but there are not raccoon scratches on our door.” “There’s cat fur all over my clean shirts.” “There ISN’T raccoon fur on your laundry.” “I failed to get the Netflix dvd in […]

Housesitter Instructions – Pets

Each dog gets a scoop of food twice a day. The scoop is inside the dog food bucket. The old dog likes to have company when she eats. Make sure she doesn’t steal the cat food when she is done with her food. The neurotic dog has to eat in private. If she hears a […]

animal talk

My thoughts: The children have left for school. I’m going to kick off my slippers, curl up and read my email while I drink my coffee. Dog thoughts: Wait for it. Wait for it. Her slippers are off. Her feet are up. She opened the laptop aaaand…. NOW! Open the door! Let the cat escape! […]

Don’t tell Santa

Sawyer: “Westley licked your chicken. Are you still gonna eat it?” SuperTween: “Sure. Westley licked Santa’s cookies and Santa still ate them.”

A message from the kittens

Once again, the human with the giant claw hands has failed to properly photograph us. Today, she gave us a bath despite our wails of complaint, fed us our bottles that run out of liquid before we are properly satiated and put us in a laundry basket to fully insult our dignity. We tried valiantly […]

every. single. time.

If we have guests, the children put out the most bleach stained, ragged bath towels that we own. If I ask the children to bring me a ratty, old towel for the bottom of the kittens’ box, they bring me one of the few unstained, intact hem, perfect softness bath towels. This must mean that […]

thirsty

Today, Doug turned the water off at the street so that he could repair a leaky basement toilet. It needed to happen. While the children amused themselves with dramatic ‘holding it in’ dances, the animals silently watched. When we discussed taking a quick drive to the corner gas station to use their facilities, the animals […]