Domestic Psychology

school projects are for parents

// November 25th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // flickr, parenting, school

In theory, school projects are a good idea. Instead of just spending weeks learning that A+B=C, students make something that applies the concept. In reality, the projects are almost always done primarily by parents while children watch them and listen to an endless lecture about why they are doing this or that. “…and what do you call this process?” I’m not admitting that I do more than my share of my children’s school projects. I am just acknowledging that for every child you have, you are going to repeat elementary and middle school yourself. Okay, maybe not every child. Some children (cough, Sarah, cough) are so independent and self motivated that they insist on doing everything themselves and the result is better than the parent could have assisted creating. Other children have to be dragged tooth and nail to finish school projects.

Our children are so far apart in age that you would think new lesson plans and assignments would be given to each of them. You would be mistaken. The kindergartner is doing the same things that every one of her older siblings did. I should whine that new technology needs to be utilized better each year. Instead, I must confess that it is a relief to do a project a second, third and fourth time. The first time you get a project assigned, you spend most of the time on it just trying to decide what and how. During this process, you get frustrated at your child’s complete inability to apply their newly learned skill. “Didn’t you just learn this?” Eventually, you dig in to make something and end up realizing the problems with your plan sometime after the stores have closed for the day. Compromises are made to just get done so that parent and child can actually get some sleep before the next day arrives. The SECOND time you get the same project assigned, you send the child to the basement to study the older sibling’s project. Then, you breeze through the project. “If you do it that way, it will do this instead of that.” We are now experts on leaf collections, proportionally accurate solar system measurements, edible cells, cell organelle detectors, Flat Stanley and a dozen other standard school projects. Sometimes, we even get lucky with other school activities. If your child tells you at bedtime that they want to be an Indian at school the next morning, take a dozen safety pins to a Daniel Boone costume, add a headband and poof! Recycled costume. Sometimes, life is easy. And fun.

Dear candidates,

// October 16th, 2008 // 14 Comments » // aspergers, politics, school

Why is this campaign focused on people named Joe who have six packs abs and plumbing apprenticeships? There are seven people in this house and none of them fit those categories. You can put a lot of other labels on us, but when you do toss one of our labels around like a wooden carrot on a stick, it makes me queasy. Your words are hollow and meaningless. Are you saying that the other candidate doesn’t care about the millions struggling to get treatment for that diagnosis? Don’t just repeat a statistic you have memorized. Tell us exactly what you would do to help identify causes, get diagnosed, access treatment and achieve potential. Otherwise, stick to your talking points because the disability community isn’t buying what you’re selling.

I truly believe that your spouses and staff are the only ones who have really interacted with schools. You have obviously been briefed by your staff about some of the issues surrounding education, but your words reveal the complete lack of understanding of the public school system‘s strengths and weaknesses. Vouchers and charters have increased segregation and accelerated the decay of inner city schools. As long as children with disabilities are excluded from private schools, public dollars should NOT be used to support private schools. As long as the people who move into urban areas and claim they are revitalizing the area while sending their children to private schools, WE are largely responsible for the state of our schools. The only place I won’t accept culpability is where the government has promised funding and failed to keep their word. Where is the money you promised the schools with IDEA? I don’t want to hear the pandering “throw good money after bad.” I want to hear you say that it costs far less to provide an education than to be completely dependent on the social services system for an entire life.

Do either of you actually know a plumber? I just can’t picture you calling one, waiting for one or listening to them explain why a pipe is broken. Someone else does that for you. Are you listening to that employee? I know you are not listening to me. I’m just a mom.

my invisible child

// September 22nd, 2008 // 7 Comments » // parenting, school

“Do you have friends at school?”
“Not really.”
“Are people mean to you?”
“No. I’m kind of invisible at school.”

Cue meeting with teachers. What the teachers and I agree on is that Noah is incredibly bright. Nearly perfect tcap scores bright. There is no gifted program in middle school, but it wouldn’t matter because he isn’t interested in doing extra work. He can’t sit through one assignment without getting up for half a dozen imaginary needs. We are halfway through the first report card period and he has already used up his bathroom passes. He can’t stay focused on a single task without being redirected several times, but he can focus on an advanced reading level book for hours. In fact, he carries dozens of books with him everywhere he goes.

His teachers report what I already know. They are constantly taking books away from him. He has an A average in all but one of his classes. But, if you look at his daily grades you see missing and half done assignments. It looks like he mentally computes how little he can get away with doing. The class without an A average is the one that is primarily writing based. Noah won’t write. He will stare at a paper, scribble through thoughts instead of erasing, doodle instead of writing and plead that he just can’t write. The teachers insist that there is no writing disability.

I tell the teachers about my conversation with Noah and his invisibility. The teachers assure me that Noah has friends. They agree with me that Noah WANTS to be invisible and is trying to make that wish come true. They also have no idea what to do to help Noah. I suspect they think I am over reacting, but alarm bells are ringing in my head. Of all my children, Noah is the most sensitive and compassionate. He is never angry, always loving. He has always seemed fragile to me. He has a serious bleeding disorder and inherited my migraines. Is he protecting himself from stress? Does he need more attention? Does he need a different school? Is he trying to replace Tommy?

My School System Wish List

// September 15th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // local, school, TN

Children need to believe in themselves and the power of education BEFORE they leave elementary school. PTA/PTO groups should make that their focus. Outside groups need to make it their focus, too. There should be groups specifically targeting the children of incarcerated parents that instill in children the belief that they do not have to follow their parents’ footsteps. Every child needs to know that someone believes in them. East TN has GOT to let go of this false sense of pride in ignorance. Every time there is an article in the paper about a local school, someone chimes in that “If that school were good enuf fer me, it’s good enuf fer my kids.” At the First Day Festival, the number of parents who were too illiterate to write down their contact information was staggering. We can try very hard to make all parents believe that an education is the key to their child’s future, but ultimately, it has to be something that the CHILD believes.

Schools need to embrace homeschooling families and in exchange for participation in school sports and clubs, include ALL home schoolers in test score averages. Home schoolers are reaching their highest potential. They are self motivated. They are not the bad guys. Schools should encourage willing students and families to learn in the classroom AND at home. Reward students who do independent learning. Don’t make it impossible by assigning homework that is redundant and unnecessary. Time spent in a classroom doing Plato lessons is time wasted with a skilled and valuable teacher. Plato should be done after hours or from home.

At the first sign a child is struggling, parent-teacher meetings should be held to create a plan at school AND home to help the child. If the parents are lacking the skills to help their child with academics, parents need to attend classes to achieve literacy and reinforce in children the value of an education. We take parents to court when their children are truant. Why can’t we make parents attend classes if their children are failing?

IDEA needs to be completely retooled. Schools can’t provide all the services that IDEA promises and the government has not paid their promised share. Mainstreaming requires heavy usage of aides. Dumbing down classes is bad for everyone. There are teachers successfully tiering the students in the same class. Expect more from students who have the ability to do more and reward them appropriately.

NCLB needs better PR. Every time there is an article about it in the paper, some clueless commenter remarks that children shouldn’t be promoted a grade level if they haven’t learned and performed. NCLB isn’t about passing/failing. It is about offering every single child the tools they need to succeed in the school system. NCLB has many, many problems, but before it existed, children with disabilities, ESL families, homeless families and many other square pegs in round holes situations were falling through the cracks.

Children should not be attending school in trailers and crumbling classrooms when our city is overflowing with empty buildings.

School IS the only place that all children are required to be and that makes it the best place to offer other support services. That does not mean the school system is paying or doing more than education. It means that the school BUILDING is being utilized to support the families of that community in every way possible.

By high school level, ALL teachers should be incorporating technology into the classroom. If a teacher is incapable of doing something as simple as using e-mail, they do not belong in a high school.

Students who earn a GED within a specific time frame after they drop out need to be included in a school’s graduation statistics in some way. Maybe it should count slightly less, but credit still needs to be given. Every child who drops out needs to be given an exit interview to try and determine why they dropped out and what could have kept them in school.