Domestic Psychology

ask your father

// April 8th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // kid quotes, me, parenting, school

Me: “Tell me about your day.”
Noah: “Well, it was a pretty regular day.”
Me: “Tell me one thing that you did.”
Noah: “I went to chess club.”
Me: “Tell me one thing about your day that was DIFFERENT.”
Noah: “A mean kid mooned me in the hallway.”
Amy: “What’s mooned?”
*Me: “Ask your father.”

*I was tired. Besides, I think that since I answered the “where do babies” come from question, I’m allowed to skip a few explanations. It took place in Babies ‘R Us with several young, pregnant women within earshot and it went something like this:
Noah: “How do people get babies?”
Dad: “Well, when people love each other they sometimes decide to make a new life together.”
Noah: “No, I mean HOW do they get the baby?”
Mom: sensing that Dad is about to answer more than Noah is asking, “When people have sex together it sometimes makes a baby.”
Noah: “Well, then you must have a LOT of sex.”
Mom: “I guess so.”
Noah: “Ok.”
Dad – Laughing so hard he has tears coming out of his eyes, “Isn’t he great?”

asteism

// March 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // Doug, kid quotes, me

Evan: “You hair funny Mommy.”
Amy: “Wow Mommy, you should brush your hair more often. It looks way better than usual.”
Noah: “I like it when you do your hair Mom.”
Doug: “You should straighten your hair more often.”

Thank goodness Sarah and Tommy aren’t home to compliment me.

new OS for Noah

// March 13th, 2009 // No Comments » // parenting, scouts, teenagers

As I drove Noah to his middle school band concert, he talked about the songs he was going to be playing. No. That’s not an accurate description of our conversation. It would be more accurate to say that Noah spoke sheet music slang and I nodded my head while saying “mmhmm.”

“So then, during the spy song, I get to use all the fun stuff. Like, I use the whack thing and go clack-clack when the band goes boom-boom-boom and then I shake the things that are like maracas but aren’t and I go sha-shoo-sha-shoo while the band goes mwa-mwa and then . . . ”

After three song descriptions, I asked Noah if he was nervous about the concert. “Well, no, I mean, uh, not really, but maybe I guess I am.” I told him he would do just fine and to relax and enjoy the music.

“You just jinxed me! I’ll mess up now and everyone will hear me miss my note! Why did you do that?!?”

Sigh. Noah will not be 13 until May and I did not see the paperwork requesting early entry to teenage melodrama. This development was not pre-approved. I think I’ll just ship Mr. Adolescent off to camp with the Boy Scouts for Spring Break. They’ll love having an extra personality or three.

falling like dominos

// February 19th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // health, parenting, preschoolers, siblings

The plague is slowly working its’ way through our house. Sarah was the first to spike the fever that never ends and sleep like Rip Van Winkle. The only sign remaining that she was sick is her hacking cough and crotchety disposition. Now it’s Evan’s turn. His fever peaks in the wee hours of the night and I hold him close, trying to will the fever out of his body. Amy and Noah ignore my pleas to give Evan a wide berth. Noah has to hug Evan every time he walks past him. During the breaks in the fever, Evan will be calmly playing with toys and Noah will still feel compelled to give Evan a worried hug. “No hugs. I busy.” Within ten minutes, Noah will be hugging Evan again. Amy is just as determined to be the next sick person. If Evan is playing, she is two inches from his face – quizzing him. “How do you feel NOW?” “I fine.” “No. You are SICK!” At least she is more compassionate during his feverish times. She brings him stuffed animal after stuffed animal. This would be fine except that as mentioned earlier, I hold Evan whenever his fever is high. It’s very difficult to hold a dozen furry toys when you are also holding a human heating pad who is talking about sharks biting him.

Noah says

// January 8th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // kid quotes, music

Me: “This is Jethro Tull. They’re a rock band that uses a flute in their music, just like your friend P plays.”
Noah: “Awesome! I wonder if P can get an electric flute?”
Me: blink-blink

Noah says:

// January 6th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Doug, me, parenting, travel

We have one car. I spent Monday helping Tommy at LMU and Doug was trapped at home with four children and no car.

Me: “Noah, I’m not going to make it home in time to drive you to Scouts. Please call someone and get a ride. I will be back in time to drive you home.”
Noah: “Umm, okay.”

Not more than two minutes later, Doug called me.
“Why did Noah just ask me if I can drive him to Scouts?”

it takes a licking and keeps on ringing

// December 13th, 2008 // 6 Comments » // technology

Nothing in our household is safe from the Tazmanian 3-y-o. Yesterday, Doug put a cookie sheet in the 400 degree oven and only noticed the cell phone sitting on the pan AFTER it was cooking in the oven. The pan was quickly retrieved from the oven. So quickly that the cell phone went flying off the pan and across the kitchen. It landed in the dog’s water bowl. Well, it didn’t land as much as it splashed into the water, hit the bottom of the pan and bounced out of the bowl. The hot, wet phone finally rested in the middle of the kitchen floor. A quick quiz of the usual suspects clarified that Evan had, for reasons known only to him, put the phone on the cookie sheet. The phone cooled off, dried and seemed unharmed this morning. Noah put it in his pocket as he went to play Airsoft in the woods. A little while later, an unhappy Noah asked us to call his phone so that he could find where the phone was hiding in the piles of soggy leaves and branches after falling out of his pocket. The phone chirped a happy noise like a homing beacon and made its’ way back into Noah’s pocket. Best. Phone. Ever.

*bonus points if you know the obsolete product commercial referenced in the title

is it done yet?

// December 2nd, 2008 // 1 Comment » // holidays, life, medical, parenting

“Evan needs to go potty. Quick!”
Doug scooped up a naked 3-year-old and carried him to the bathroom.
CRUNCH
“Ow!”
“Don’t move!”
Doug raced from the bathroom to find me with a Christmas tree light embedded in my heel.
Amy and Noah appeared in the broken glass zone to watch the blood drip from my foot.
“Amy and Noah get back until the glass is cleaned. Cathy, sit down and quit picking at it.”
Doug wiped up the broken glass and began picking glass from my foot as a naked 3-year-old ran around the living room.
“Kwis-mas Twee! Kwis-mas Twee! Kwis-mas Twee!”
Noah stumbled to the bathroom with his hand under his nose, blood pouring from his nostril.
“Noah’s nose is bleeding! Ewww.”
“Pinch the bridge Noah.”
“This band-aid is too small for your foot.”
“It’s just until it quits bleeding. It’s fine.”
“Is the tree done yet?”

Twilight teens

// November 21st, 2008 // 3 Comments » // movies, parenting, teenagers

Sarah has been counting down the days until Twilight hit the theaters. When Noah and his friend asked to go see the teen vampire romance, I was a bit surprised. “Umm, are you going to see the girls in the audience?” I started calculating when and where the two 12-y-o’s would go to the movie. Sarah freaked. “They’re going? Before me?” After some mini-drama, we worked out a schedule that would allow the 15-y-o (“We’re almost 16.”) girls to see the movie on Friday afternoon to accommodate their party on Friday night. I fandangoed (is that a verb?) tickets for Sarah and a friend. Fandango knows me. “Are you sure you want to see Twilight? Don’t you want to wait for Star Trek instead?” I assured Fandango that I did want the tickets and the purchase was completed. The boys’ tickets were more complicated. They are too young to be unsupervised on a Friday night, so one of the adults had to go too. After unsuccessfully trying to talk each other into sitting through two hours of teen angst (“But you always say you want to get out of the house more.”), we decided to figure out the chaperone later and just get the tickets confirmed. Fandango argued with me. “Are you serious? You already bought two tickets. Why would you want three more for a later screening?” I told Fandango I really did want the tickets. “Really? Haven’t you seen the reviews? Wouldn’t you prefer to see something else?” After showing Fandango my latest psychiatric report and my children’s birth certificates, it finally relented and allowed the purchase. Now we can’t avoid the decision of which adult will go any longer. Stay home with the love/hate siblings or sit in an audience of squealing teenagers? Is there a third option?

downtown Knoxville maze

// October 25th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // flickr, local