Last night I dragged Sarah to her school’s open house. “But Mutherr, this is so stew-pid. It’s gonna be, like, the same stuff as every year and I already know everything.” Mmmhmm. The evening began with a stern lecture from the principal about the really serious issues affecting young teens in this day and age. “There will be no un-natural hair colors in my school and I will not allow earrings anywhere but ears.” She then proceeded to explain that students don’t need musical devices because they “don’t have time to be listening to music” and did we know that they make hoodies and backpacks which encourage music listening? The horrors! While she lectured about cell phones being dangerous because “you just don’t know all the things that kids can do with cell phones nowadays”, a student seated nearby chatted away on hers and I continued a text chat about urgent family matters with Doug. “Evan likes tarter sauce. Hank the Cowdog or Eoin Colfer?” Each of the teachers was announced and the students’ applause-o-meter made it easy to know which teachers were the “cool” ones. The PTA made an appeal for more money while the principal bragged that they had been given a check for $10,000 just the previous day. We were excused to visit the classrooms where we could sign-up to “help out and donate supplies”. I said a quick hello to the vice-principal who is in charge of our children for 9 consecutive years before getting a brief respite to emotionally prepare for 6 more years of our family. I collected e-mail addresses for all of Sarah’s teachers and waited while she clicked a few photos. Not a bad evening entertainment-wise. Not as funny as the young Mommy at Amy’s church-run preschool who wears teeny shorts that say things like “Hotty” on the rear while her thong peeks out the top, but still worth attending. Based on the size of the audience in the auditorium, I would say that less than 20 percent of the middle school parents decided this was worth their time.