I don’t know how, but I have managed to survive on mascara samples for the past few years. Some were better than others, but none drove me crazy. A few weeks ago I ran out and had to actually buy mascara. This one, drives me crazy. It is the gloppiest mess I have ever seen. I have to scrape the brush clean just to try and get a normal looking result. My first mistake was probably buying it in the discount bullseye store instead of getting the green logo’d department store brand that supplied most of my samples. My second mistake was the one I chose. When I put on mascara, I want to swipe it over my lashes ONCE and be done. I do NOT want to apply multiple layers, comb my lashes or use a “Clockwork Orange” inspired eyelash curler. In exchange for my laziness, I do not expect my lashes to be longer or a specific number of times thicker. I do not need celebrity eyes. I am not ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille. I don’t want to buy 200 different packages of mascara looking for one that I like. I am too old for this to be difficult. It’s fine for my 14 (“I am ALMOST 15.”) year-old to stare at the choices for hours. She has nothing else to do. I have a 2-year-old who wants me to chase him through the store and a 5-year-old who NEEDS every shiny new thing she sees. I need a drive-thru cosmetic kiosk. “I need quick apply mascara.” “Thank you. Pay at the window.”